


Captive

by TribalVipe



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, Crime, Drama, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-23 14:06:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 75,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8330674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TribalVipe/pseuds/TribalVipe
Summary: A calculated attack on one of their own leaves SVU scrambling for answers and their own sanity as they fight the clock and the streets that hate them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I really didn't want to fall into this fandom but it grabbed me and forced plots into my head. So here is my fic. Nothing from Season 18 has been injected into this. I'm not new to fanfiction but this is my first rodeo with this fandom, so go lightly and let me know how you like it. R&R.

_December 5_ _th_ _, 2016 – 11:26 p.m._

She was a sucker for the oldies.

Crooners, big band, anything before the 70's she most likely had in records she got from her grandfather on his death bed. She played them often when she was home alone on a busted, old record player she found thrifting. Those were her favorite times. When she was home alone and Sam Cooke sang to her through the hallways, it always brought a smile to her face and set the tone for the rest of her day.

And she needed a positive start with the shit storm of a life she had.

Seventeen year olds shouldn't be exposed to the things she was and they definitely weren't. Kids had drug addicted parents, this she knew, but not many kids lived in a full blown warehouse for a well-known street gang.

Seventeen years old and she knew what meth and heroine looked like. She knew what prostitutes did for clients and just how much dirty money can be hidden in a couch cushion and a car tire. Seventeen years old and she had seen dead bodies, heard people choke on their own blood and scream for mercy as they were raped to death.

Her blue eyes witnessed far more injustices and disgusting things than even the most seasoned FBI agents probably have and that was saying something. It spoke volumes about the environment her father allowed her to live in. But he was hooked on a high that threw common sense out the window.

Fortunately, he was clear headed enough to keep her at least somewhat safe. Between the hours of 2 p.m. and 11 p.m. she wasn't allowed out of her room, so that's when she got most of homework done. Advanced placement class homework took that long to do anyway. Dinner had to be taken care of after the house was cleared out and her dad was passed out in a heap wherever he decided to fall that night, so she didn't eat until midnight and showered shortly after that.

Sleep came easy but only if she didn't have to listen to death and fighting earlier on in the night. And surprisingly, other than that one incident a few days ago, the week had gone well.

Fucking BX-9.

But she would get a full eight hours tonight and then she was getting the hell out of the house for the weekend. Her grandmother (on her mom's side) was going to be in town and all but begged her to stay with her for some proper bonding time. Anything to get out of the projects and into a hotel and spending time with someone who actually cared for her wellbeing. It wasn't something she could pass up.

Looking at the clock on her bedside table, she closed her textbook, finally having finished the last question on her homework and turned up the music playing softly in her ears. She was in the clear now and nothing sounded better than a hot shower, some food and a smooth, honeyed voice singing her to sleep.

Just in case, she cracked her door and poked her head out, checking the darkened hallway before she walked towards the stairs to check out the living room. Trashed and smelled of liquor and smoke, but not a soul in the room. She took in the sight of her father, curled up on the couch with a belt wrapped loosely around his arm before removed it and covered him up with a blanket.

She pressed two fingers to his pulse point, reassuring herself. Sad as it was, she found it necessary to do so.

Mindful of the creaky floorboards, she moved to the kitchen and opened a cupboard where she kept her food hidden from the constant slew of gang bangers and drug addicts that were in and out all the time. It was damn near impossible to keep the place stocked with food, but bet your ass there was always beer and liquor there for you.

She unwrapped one of her protein bars and grabbed a glass of water, wanting to get upstairs and into the shower as fast as possible. Excitement began to fill her at the activities her grandma mentioned. Shopping (she had some money saved up from all those birthday cards her crazy Nana Betsy sent her every year), a fancy restaurant and maybe even a movie or a tour of the Museum of Natural History, which she was the most excited for.

She smiled to herself and turned on her heel, ready to head back up the stairs but stopped short when she heard over her blaring music, the sound of the front door crashing open. Panic struck her and she quickly placed the cup back on the counter, snatched her earbuds out of her ears and climbed into the empty cabinet underneath the sink. She winced as the splintered wood scraped her thigh, but she was lucky to still be small enough to fit in there.

Through the crack of the opening of the door, she could see two figures walk past the kitchen entry way, muttering and cursing in Spanish and holding what looked to be wooden bats. They paused at the old, cracked wood door next to the pantry and pushed it open, descending down into the vacant basement she was forbidden from going into.

Sliding her phone out of her pocket, she muted the music, not wanting to risk anyone hearing the music through the earbuds and giving away her location. It wasn't like no one knew of her existence, but they never came into contact with her, and if they did she knew it wouldn't end well for her. BX-9 didn't give a damn how old someone was. When they got the itch, they scratched it.

She sat in total silence for another minute before raised voices in a language she knew some of floated up the stairs. She jumped at the sound of bats colliding with a body. That sound was familiar and made her skin crawl. She hoped whoever was down there was blessed with a quick death.

God, she just wanted this to stop. On more than one occasion she thought about being strong enough to go to the police and giving them everything she knew. Her cooperation could bring a devastating blow to the nefarious gang and, while it might land her father in jail, he would get the help he needed and she could go a full week without having to witness something like this.

But in reality, it wasn't likely. Cops in this city were just as corrupt as politician's. Anything she could do or say would be written and filed away for years. BX-9 and similar gangs had authority in these parts. It was best she remembered that and let sleeping dogs lie.

The sounds didn't last long. A few minutes tops before heavy footsteps and laughing continued to get louder. She dared another peek out from behind the cabinet door, careful not to bump into anything or move too much so she could make sure these guys left the house.

"Fucker can take a hit," one of the deep, heavily accented voices said and she could hear the smile even if she couldn't see it.

"We'll see how well he does tomorrow," the other one said and they loudly made their exit, slamming the front door in the process, waking her father who fell on the floor with a loud groan. She still didn't move, not wanting to scare him when he was half asleep and probably still high.

She listened to his shuffling footsteps walk slowly across the living room and all the way up the stairs before she crawled out and double checked that no one was there she needed to worry about.

Sighing, she picked up the protein bar she dropped on the floor in her haste and threw it in the trash can, not feeling hungry anymore. However, she was feeling cautiously curious as her eyes scoured the darkened stairway that lead to the basement. The door stood open and she heard the sounds of groaning pain calling to her.

_Fuck._

She walked to the edge of the stairs and looked down, seeing the glow of dimmed light further into the room, lighting up the concrete floor and shelves lined with boxes. Another pained moan made her jump and before she could stop herself, she was traveling down the stairs.

" _You're a dumbass_ ," her mind yelled, clearly on a different train of thought than her feet, which compelled her further into the unknown. It was dangerous and she was far out of her element, but this was probably the only time she would ever get be down in this space and come in contact with someone that was still alive.

When you were under the scope with this gang, you rarely stayed alive long enough to be in pain.

She got to the bottom and a chill ran up her spine when she felt the cold floor under her feet. The dim light was bright enough to illuminate the surrounding area and she saw even more shelves filled with boxes, all in order and labeled with numbers. Not hard to imagine what was in those.

Her eyes scanned each and every corner of the room and almost yelped when there was another groan and rustling of metal on the floor, louder and coming from her right. She hadn't even moved further into the room and she debated on high tailing it out of there, but the overwhelming need to see the sources of the sounds was keeping her from going back upstairs and acting like nothing happened.

She was too invested now.

"Hello?"

Her voice sounded like an echo in the room and the rustling stopped. She stepped forward hesitantly, balling her hands into fists defensively. Futile, but she would put up a fight if the situation called for it.

"Are you ok?"

She could see an indent in the concrete wall under the stairs, further back towards the right corner of the room where a gathering of blankets sat. A few droplets of blood were smeared across the floor along with dried, bloody handprints.

"Help," a weak voice croaked out. She stopped completely, freezing at the man's voice, "Help me."

She straightened up and braced herself for what she was about to walk herself into. If she got involved, she wasn't going to be able to back out of this. She was going to be invested in this and she had to seriously consider the ramifications of that and what it meant for her father; what it meant for her future as well.

A few minutes ago she was so damn sure that she wouldn't ever get involved. Eighteen was a few months away and she had plans to leave that very day and never look back. But now that she was the closest she'd ever been to helping someone, she was imagining another outcome.

"Fuck," she whispered and walked with purpose, stopping in front of the beaten and bloodied figure hunched over and staring up at her. It made her stomach churn to see the gushing blood flowing from a cut on the man's forehead, trailing down his face and dripping onto the expensive looking suit he wore.

She watched as the man looked on, unsure of her and the fact that she stood staring at him. He looked like he'd been there for a while, dirt and old blood stains in splotches down his pants. Old bruises blackened his eyes and he was probably sporting some broken bones the way he was holding his left arm.

"Uh…are you ok?"

She mentally kicked herself for asking that and excused herself, her whole body and mind kicking into action. She needed napkins and water. She ascended the stairs quickly, doing her best to keep quiet and gather the supplies. She grabbed a fair amount of napkins from one of the cupboards and filled up a large, empty vase with water and, as after-thought, grabbed two protein bars from her hiding spot. He likely hadn't been fed the entire time he'd been down there.

She reappeared in front of him in no time flat, pressing one of the napkins to the cut, apologizing as he flinched. It didn't seem to be that deep and she hoped it would help stop the bleeding, but she wasn't sure.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

The man hesitated but nodded, still weary of her presence and grabbed the bar she unwrapped and handed to him. He down the whole bar in two bites, clearly starving. He pointed at the vase of water and she passed it to him, watching him down half of that as well.

"Who are you," he asked, breathing heavily and setting the vase back down by his side.

"I'm Lexi…I live here," she said, moving the napkin away to check on the flow of blood, "My dad…he works for BX-9…kinda."

The man nodded, averting his eyes from her and down to his dirty suit.

"Why are you helping me?"

Lexi bit her lip, not knowing how to answer that question because she still wasn't 100% sure of the answer herself. Sighing, she pulled the napkin away from his cut to wet a clean one and hand it to him. He began to clean his face the best he could, avoiding his bruises and cuts.

"Because…you're still alive."

The air grew heavy and he shuddered, clearly shook by her answer but he didn't say anything. He continued to silently wipe away the blood. Lexi twisted her hands, thinking it was time to make her way back upstairs. She had so much on her mind now it wasn't even funny. Sleep wouldn't be coming to her tonight and it was her own damn fault.

"I have to get going. I don't want my dad waking me up and finding me down here."

He looked a bit struck at her words but he nodded. He understood. He had to know that she didn't normally do this. He had to know that this was something she really had to think about.

Lexi stood, grabbing the bloody napkins. She unwrapped the other protein bar and let him drink the rest of the water before she turned to clean up and go take that long awaited shower. But before she completely left him alone again, she decided to ask him one more question despite her better judgement.

"What's your name?"

He was silent again and she looked back over her shoulder. He was staring at the bar in his right hand, left still cradled against his body. A bitter smile curled his lips and he answered in a gravelly voice.

"Rafael Barba."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't own any of these wonderful characters. R&R!

_December 2 nd, 2016 – 7:15 p.m._

Yelling was never a good sign.

Especially when it was Barba, hands splayed out on the table as he leaned forward and all but told the other person on the other end of the speaker where he could shove his plea deal and spend the rest of eternity.

But Liv cracked a smile because it was downright hilarious when the uptight lawyer got so angry his normally poised and calm (as calm as he could be anyway) demeanor broke. It only happened a few times before and, depending on the situation, she had a good chuckle afterwards.

“Someone hasn’t had their seventh cup of coffee,” she quipped from the doorway, leaning against the frame with a file in one hand. It was late in the day and Carmen had long left, not willing to pull the late shifts her boss was used to.

“No, I have. I just have an incredibly low tolerance for bullshit and newly minted defense attorney’s. Witness statements?”

Liv nodded and passed them to him as he sat at his desk, noticing the plethora of notes and case files spread out across his desk. A few empty coffee cups sat perched on thick law texts and she inspected them to see if they were empty before dumping them in his wastebasket.

“Good, good. This looks like everything…Kara sticking with the boyfriend story?”

“Her alibi checks out as well as his. We triple checked everything. Should be airtight,” she remarked and took a seat, propping her feet up on the other guest chair.

“It better be. I don’t need ‘whatshisnuts’ getting cocky during cross,” he shot back, eyeing her over the lamp that was lighting up his desk. Liv laughed and tipped her head back, feeling the exhaustion from the past few day’s seep into her bones. All she wanted was a hot shower, some mommy-son time and crappy Chinese food from Chang’s down the street.

Jesus, it was only Tuesday.

Luckily this case was turning out to be pretty open and shut. Not much had gone wrong, other than a shaky outcry and a few inconsistencies, this would be a winner for sure. Something Barba desperately needed after the past few cases turned out to be less than cooperative. A shitty plea deal on one and an acquittal on the other.

“I’m calling you to the stand tomorrow. First thing, so be here by 8 a.m.”

Liv sighed, “I hope you don’t mind seeing your best friend that early. Lucy has an exam in the morning, so Noah’s going to have to tag a long.”

Barba cracked a rare smile at the mention of the boy’s name. Over the past few years, the interaction between the two was limited but every time they were in the same room, it was like watching a circus act. Barba was awkward as all get out around Noah, not having any experience with kids, but they were drawn to each other in a weird sort of way.

Liv wouldn’t ever admit it, but she found it especially endearing that someone as cool and calculating as the ADA in front of her could be so playful and child-like when he wanted to be. She could only imagine what her colleagues would think if they ever saw that side to him.

“That’s fine with me. As long as you’re not late. Not. Late.”

“I get it,” she bit back, annoyed but her words followed by a laugh. They shared a laugh together and she stood up, stretching and feeling her joints pop in the most relieving of ways. She needed to make another appointment with her chiropractor soon. These past couple of weeks had been filled with a lot of sitting at her desk and looking over reports, leaving her with a stiff back and neck.

“Well,” she sighed and looked to the ADA, who was staring at her rather intently, “I’m going to take off. I have dinner and movie date with my favorite guy.”

“Ah, how is Tucker doing? Brooklyn treating him well?”

“Uh, Tucker and I aren’t really seeing each other anymore. Beginning yesterday, actually.”

Barba looked surprised for a split second before he apologized, doing his best to hide the smile she knew he was. She rolled her eyes but smiled despite herself.

“Try not to look so damn happy. I know you didn’t like him and he wasn’t exactly fond of you either. It was mutual and no hard feelings.”

“Look, I’m just glad Tucker and I don’t have to suffer awkward meetings in your office anymore. It’ll make annoying you about search warrant criteria that much more fun.”

Liv shot him a look over her shoulder as she made her way to his office door. Of course he found it fun to annoy her and he was exceedingly good at it.

“8 a.m.”

“On the dot,” he reminded, nodding as a goodbye and watching her leave through the open blinds covering his office windows, suddenly feeling the heavy weight of exhaustion settle over his form.

 +

By the time he was actually done it was nearing 9:30 and his eyes were burning. The light on his desk was burning hot and the fresh coffee cup he refilled an hour ago was actually the scotch he had hidden in the bottom drawer of his desk. Drinking at work didn’t happen often, but when it did, it was for good reason.

He flipped the file closed and shoved it in his overturned briefcase along with all of his other necessary papers he would need for the morning. He stood on shaky legs, noting the fact that his stomach rumbled and groaned for the food he’d denied himself in favor of work. Probably not a good thing only consume coffee, scotch and the occasional burrito or donut from the food cart parked a few blocks down. His diet was lacking in everything, but such was the life of a workaholic.

He loved his job though and loved working with SVU and the detectives he dared to call friends. Not that he would ever tell them that. There were just some things that people didn’t need to know about him and those were his feelings.

Jeez, since when had he turned into an unfeeling, cynical bastard?

On more than one occasion he had turned down the invitations for drinks at a dirty sports bar with them. Turned down invitations for friendly dinners that didn’t deal with their latest case. He offered no friendly commentary when Fin cracked a joke or a smile when Rollins made Carisi look like an idiot, whether it be intentionally or not.

Barba wasn’t a team player and he, with the exception of Liv (and God only knew he didn’t want to go into detail about that particular relationship at this time of night), he worked alone.

Alone.

A five letter word that used to fill him with joy and contentment. And now? Now he just felt like an old, salty bastard with nothing but his phone to keep him company at night.

Of course, that could be rectified by the dating scene. Although he didn’t want to risk any of his colleagues or future victims and clients to see on some phone app. It would be far too risky and way too embarrassing and he feared he was too out of touch with social networking.

Beyond all of that, he had no patience. Any person he would be even remotely interested in would lose interest quick with his tendency to overwork and shut out the rest of the world. No one would understand his need to do this job and bring wrongdoers to justice. The only person who could probably understand it was already taken.

“I need another drink,” he mumbled to himself tiredly. This wasn’t the time nor place to delve further into this train of thought. He needed to eat bad fast food, take a hot shower and sleep for four hours before he started again.

He collected his suit jacket and piled on gloves, his thick winter coat and scarf to fend off the cold wind blowing through the city. If he was lucky, he could make it all the way back to his apartment before the flurries turned into thick snowflakes that were supposed to coat the streets by the morning.

It was a quick trip down to a small burger joint that he shamelessly frequented. The friendly waitress knew his order by heart and always knocked an extra 20% off. He figured it was because the elderly woman found him quite handsome and charming.

“Thanks Ethel,” he smiled, handing over his bill and rubbing at his eyes tiredly. The burger and fries he slammed down in record time didn’t do anything for his energy. God, he was having visions of his king size bed and Egyptian cotton sheets. Expensive sheets he planned on burrowing under in less than an hour.

“You look tired, sweet pea,” Ethel said, taking her time in making his change. Barba’s lip curled briefly but shrugged his shoulders.

“Just work. I have court early in the morning.”

“You work too much. You need to take a break,” the old woman practically demanded as she shut the register. She sounded like his mother who he really needed to call soon. Her text message she sent a day ago asking him if he was still alive made him feel more than a little like shit.

“I’ll take a break when I’m dead.”

Ethel scoffed and gave him ‘the look’ all elderly women seemed born with. It brought back memories of when his abuelita would give him the same look after he did something he wasn’t supposed to. He missed her…

“Don’t work yourself too hard. You seem sad and lonely all of the time, dear.”

Barba heard enough and now he was itching to get away from this conversation and keep some of his dignity. He appreciated the concern from a relative stranger, but he didn’t want anyone’s pity.

“I’ll keep that in mind. See you around, Ethel,” he said calmly, a smile and he walked out, prepared for the short walk back to his apartment. Unfortunately, the blistering wind that picked up couldn’t blow away the words that stuck to him. Try as he might, he couldn’t help but agree.

Maybe a nice vacation would help? But flying off to some tropical paradise for the holiday’s and staring at the empty airplane seat next to him, or the left side of his expensive hotel suite would only wind him up in some high end bar, nursing a bottle of scotch and watching happy couples dance the night away. He did that enough in the city…but maybe it would feel better on an island?

“I hate myself sometimes,” he muttered and pushed into the lobby of his apartment building, nodding briefly at Stanley, the doorman. From there, it was a short trek up to his apartment, thankful the elevator and hallway leading to his door was abandoned. His neighbors were far too friendly and chatty for his liking.

Once inside his apartment, he shucked off his coat and hung it on the rack beside the door along with his shoes, keeping them tucked together neatly, much like everything else in his apartment. It was a small two bedrooms, sparsely decorated and smelled almost brand new since he barely ever spent time there. The furniture was in mint condition, the kitchen looked virtually untouched and his bed was cold most nights.

His apartment lacked life and he was sick of it.

He shuffled into the kitchen, opting for a beer instead of his usual strong scotch or whiskey and popped the top, leaving it on the counter before taking a swig. It wasn’t nearly as strong as he wanted it to be, but he needed to be up in a few hours for court and he would damned before he showed up hungover and disheveled. He had way more class than that.

He turned the corner of his kitchen, halfway down the hallway to his bedroom when he heard the sudden heavy thumping of someone banging on his door. It made him jump, spilling a bit of his beer on the hardwood and he cursed. He scanned his watch, noting how late it was and how unusual it was for him to even have a visitor in the first place.

“Mom, I swear,” he muttered, thinking it must have been his sometimes overbearing but well-meaning mother dropping into check on him. But when he opened the door, he found himself flat on his back a second later with a throbbing pain shooting through his head, unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

He choked on a surprised breath and scrambled back a bit, his socked feet desperately trying to find purchase on the smooth floors, acting on instinct alone.

Above him stood three dark figures, wearing ski masks and holding various weapons that didn’t look like decoration. The distant sound of his apartment door slamming shut was overshadowed by the heavy footsteps surrounding him. The men, based on their build, were menacingly inching towards him, one with a baseball bat tightening his grip while the other two merely peered down at him.

“Wha-“

That was all he could get out before the man wielding the bat landed a blow to his midsection, forcing him to cry out in pain. He turned on his side, grabbing at his side and making a futile attempt at bear crawling away from the men. A rough, raspy voice called out to him.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Another hard hit to his back pushed the air from his lungs, his chest seizing in pain and he couldn’t breathe for a few heart stopping moments. He could hear the blood rushing through his ears as his vision began to blur, the likelihood that he was probably going to die came rushing to him all at once.

Shit, he was going to die.

“No lo mates.”

“Puede tomar un golpe.”

Coughing and gasping in lung fulls of air, Barba found himself being pulled up by the back of his vest, arms holding him up on weak legs. A gloved hand grabbed a handful of hair and tugged his head back, the cold, pointed steel of a knife drawing across his throat from one ear to another.

“Do you know who we are?”

Barba shook his head slightly, afraid of the knife still sitting on delicately on his neck. It would only take one smooth motion for the knife to slice his throat open.

The room grew completely silent save for his heavy breathing. It was another few seconds before the man holding his hair in a painful handful with the knife pressed against his neck spoke again.

“You’re about to find out.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you're enjoying the story let me know! I'm having tons of fun writing it.

_December 3 rd, 2016 – 8:07 a.m._

“Shit,” Olivia cursed loudly, somehow managing to rub her aching kneecap while racing through the hallways with a bundled up Noah, his Spiderman backpack carrying army men action figures and coloring backs slung across her back.

She was thankful it was early enough that no one else in the District Attorney’s office was milling about the hallways just yet because she must have looked hilarious at that moment. That also meant no one witnessed her running into the janitor’s cleaning cart.

“Shit!”

Liv bit back a groan at the tiny voice that mimicked her, a small giggle at the end when she immediately chastised his using of the word. He’d been doing it for the past couple of weeks and she was finding it incredibly difficult to censor herself around him. She liked it better when he ignored her in favor of his cartoons or his story books.

Now, he just hung on to every word she said which resulted in only the bad words getting repeated back to her. It was funny and that was the problem. Too many times did she have to stifle a laugh or leave the room so she didn’t encourage him with her chuckles.

It was rough.

“Noah, we don’t say that word. It’s very naughty.”

“Shit!”

Liv just sighed, the pain dying down in her knee and the battle against her son’s potty mouth lost, and checked the time on her phone.

8:09 am and Barba was going to kill her.

Honestly, he should have expected it with her when Noah was going to be tagging along. She was known for being punctual and professional, reliable by just being there when she was needed and required to be. However, with Noah being in her life the past couple of years, that part of her work ethic tended to slip sometimes.

With her little boy having been put through the ringer with illnesses and developmental snags, he came first and foremost. Of course, her squad and favorite ADA knew that and would never hold it against her.

Barba wouldn’t be angry…just annoyed like he was 80% of the time. The thought brought a smile to her face.

She navigated the halls until she arrived at his office, leading Noah up to Carmen’s desk where the young woman sat typing at her computer.

“Morning,” Liv greeted and B-lined it for the office door. The young woman stood abruptly, looking slightly unnerved and unsure of what she was going to say after she called for the detective to wait.

Live raised an eyebrow, hand on the door knob and confused as to why Carmen would even talk to her to begin with. The woman was not the most talkative and only really appeared in their meetings when she was dropping off important files for Barba to sign.

In fact, she could count on one hand the number of times the woman in front of her had even acknowledged her directly.

“Mr. Barba isn’t here,” she said, hands wringing together uncertainly. That little movement didn’t go unnoticed by the detective. Liv’s hand slipped from the knob and she looked into the darkened office, noticing no one in the room through the opened blinds.

“Was court canceled? He would have called me,” she explained, pulling her phone out of the back of her pocket to check the screen again. No missed calls or texts. And it was 8:15 now.

“No, court wasn’t canceled as far as I know. And it’s incredibly unusual for him not to be here at least an hour or two before a major case,” the dark haired assistant explained with a shake of her head. Liv agreed, a sudden uneasy feeling washing over her.

Maybe it was the fact that Barba’s assistant seemed incredibly disturbed by the fact that her boss was late on the morning of a highly publicized case, but her instincts were running wild now. Instincts that had been honed over the years to pin point important details.

Witnesses biting their lips and avoiding eye contact. Suspects acting as if they hadn’t a care in the world while their forehead grew shiny with perspiration. She was trained to read body language and Carmen was raising red flags.

But she bit it down, thinking herself irrational. Barba was running late, nothing more.

Except, he was never late. Not in the entire time she’d known him had been late for anything. Unlike her, he was always the first to arrive and the last to leave the office.

“Detective?”

Liv came back to reality and gave the assistant a comforting smile, doing her best to ease her worry. It was understandable that the woman would be a bit freaked out after working for a man who was practically married to his desk.

“I’m sure he’s down at the court house prepping. No big deal. I better get down there, though. I’m already late enough as it is,” she joked and turned, wanting to hurry down and see if he was there or not.

“Wait!”

Liv stopped a few steps away from the threshold of the door, watching with keen eyes as Carmen came around from behind her desk, holding a folded up piece of paper in her hand. She handed it over and Liv let go of Noah’s hand to unfold it.

“It was on my desk this morning…,” Carmen said, watching Liv as she read the note, “it’s like the other ones before.” And Liv knew exactly what she was talking about.

**_WATCH YOUR BACK._ **

The handwriting was large and bold and left a chill down her down her spine, but Liv schooled her looks and slipped the paper into her pocket, resting it next to her phone. Nodding, she made her exit, saying nothing more than a goodbye.

Scooping up Noah, she walked quicker back towards the elevator than she had coming up, wanting to make it to the court house before 8:30. Rollins and Carisi were probably already there since both of them would be sitting in on trial per her request.

+

_December 3 rd, 2016 – 8:27 a.m._

“I’m just saying it’s a little weird that you don’t sleep with a pillow. Your head isn’t supported at all but your feet are?”

Rollins rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee, Carisi trailing behind her munching on a glazed donut and trying to wipe the crumbs off his brand new tie. Navigating the halls of the court house kept her from loudly griping about the fact that he said some very embarrassing things in his sleep, but she would bring it up later in the precinct or tonight over dinner.

How dare he talk about her foot pillow.

“I like my feet to be elevated, not that it’s any of your business.”

“It is when I wake up with one your toes digging in my nose,” he shot back, swallowing the rest of his breakfast and snatching the coffee out of her hand.

“I don’t know why we keep you around,” she said dryly, waving him off when he tried handing it back to her, “and you’re only there for another three weeks anyway. Who knew fixing busted pipes could take so long. You really need to find another place to live.”

In truth, she hadn’t minded Carisi camping out at her place while his apartment was being cleaned and fixed. Since her sister moved out and into her own place in Boston, Carisi had been nothing but a huge help with Jessie and keeping her company at night. The various television series they were hooked on and the fact that her co-worker knew how to cook a mean Stromboli didn’t make his overstaying an issue.

“Tell it to my salary.”

He was pretty funny, too.

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, Liv!”

Down the hall, looking around like she didn’t know where she was, stood their Lieutenant, Noah cradled in her arms and playing with a loose strand of her hair. Liv spotted them almost immediately.

“I thought she was supposed to be prepping with Barba,” Rollins thought out loud, checking the time on her phone. Court wasn’t scheduled until 9:30, far too early for Liv or the Counselor to have been there.

“Amanda, Carisi…have you seen Barba anywhere?”

That threw both of the detectives off for a second, having figured the two of them were locked away in the ADA’s office. What was even more confusing, was why Noah was waving at them with a gloved hand a toothy smile.

“We thought he was with you prepping. We just got here,” Rollins replied. The look on Liv’s face was enough to tell her something was wrong without having to say it. She had worked with the skilled detective long enough to read her expressions. It was important to in the field, anyhow.

“When did Barba relieve his security detail?”

“A few days after…,” Carisi trailed, waving his hand so he wouldn’t have to finish the question. That was still a sore spot amongst their squad. Losing a man would never be easy and Mike Dodd’s happened to leave a big hole in their precinct.

“Right…,” Liv was quiet, letting Noah stand on his own feet, “Well…turns out whoever was sending those threats wasn’t done with him yet. I’m gonna run upstairs and double check he’s not in one of the interview rooms.”

“Wait,” Rollins called after the woman already racing towards the elevator, “What’s going on?”

Liv didn’t turn to answer her and hurried Noah along as fast as his little legs could carry him. Carisi and Rollins shared a confused look before deciding to follow, figuring whatever Liv was doing could use some help.

+

_December 3 rd, 2016 – Time Unknown_

The first thing he noticed was the pain that lanced through his body, shooting up his back and making it hard to breathe. It felt like a thousand pounds of weight sat on his body. He felt heavy and exhausted.

The second thing he noticed was how dark it was. Pitch black and he couldn’t see anything, but he felt incredibly cold. He blinked a few times into the void, the scratchy carpet like material his cheek rested against felt like it was melded to his skin.

He was lying on his side, arms twisted painfully behind his back and bound by what felt like a thick rope that bit into his wrists. The same harsh rope bound his ankles together, his knees pushed up against a barrier.

His back hurt, his head ached and his memory was beginning to come back to him in fragments.

_He made it home and was about to get ready for bed. Beer. He had a beer. And then there was a knock at the door. And then he opened it and there were the-_

His world shook and vibrated, loud banging noises making him jump in fear. Barba began to squirm, not being able to suppress his flight instinct and listen to what was going on around him.

He kicked out his legs, moving them frantically as if he could somehow free his ankles from the ropes as well as his wrists. The distant sound of aggressive Spanish came from above him and before he knew it, a bright shining light blinded him, forcing him to turn his head and shut his eyes.

“Wakey, wakey, pendejo!”

“Move the fucking light, cabrón.”

Barba hesitantly popped open one eye and looked up, seeing the same masked men who beat their way into his apartment before. He froze, staring intensely into the barely visible eyes of the man who hung over him.

He briefly looked away, noticing he was crammed into a space that was far too small for him, like the trunk of a car. And now that he thought about it, he smelled gasoline and exhaust. Directly above him he could see scaffolding and dingy, rusted walls, like a factory or warehouse of some sort.

“Hola, amigo,” a dark, raspy voice greeted him finally, the light disappearing as the man leant further into Barba’s face. The lawyer moved back as much as he could with his limbs bound and limited space to begin with. He could feel the cold metal bar jab him in the back of the neck painfully, but he paid it no mind.

“Sorry for the bumpy ride. Back roads are a bitch,” the man said again, a sudden harsh slap echoing into the room around them. Barba grit his teeth, willing the stinging to ease along with his watering eyes. He needed to find a way out of his situation and fast.

He had a sinking feeling, deep in the pit of his stomach that he might not be coming back from this.

“What do you want?”

His voice sounded weak and small, not forceful and demanding like he usually used on people who wanted to get in his face or talk down to him. That voice he reserved for particularly ass-holey defendants and their lawyers looking to slip their way out of jail time.

But he sounded like a small, scared little boy…the one he was before he grew up and began to take things like the man his father always wanted him to be. Except where he lacked in physical skills, he made up for them in conversation.

“Why are you doing this? Who do you work for?”

Barba could see clearer now, eyes adjusting to the bright light still shining his general direction. He could see the baggy clothing and recognized the symbols on their hats, being intimately familiar with the gang from various police reports and criminal cases he’d been a part of.

BX-9 was a street gang with an affinity for murder, rape and torture. There was not a damn good bone in their bodies and would sell their mother’s for a fix or some extra cash if they had to.

Who the hell did he piss off enough to get BX-9 on his tail? The thought was scary. Especially considering that they were the one’s responsible for all those death threats he’d received all year. They stopped, fortunately and unfortunately after Dodd’s death and the need for a security detail died down almost as fast as it was assigned.

But apparently, he’d been wrong when he thought he was in the clear. A few months of no threats didn’t mean that he wasn’t a target anymore.

“You know who we work for. And he wants you to hurt.”

“Why?”

Barba’s response was almost immediate, gaining confidence the more this masked man continued to talk. He wasn’t sure, but the voice sounded vaguely familiar. Like he’s talked to this person before.

“You think we give a damn? We’re getting paid for this shit, that’s it. What happens to you after we make the drop doesn’t matter to me.”

Before Barba could ask any more questions, the man pulled back and reached above him, the trunk door slamming and leaving him the darkness once more. He kicked his feet out, thumping against the side of the trunk and yelling for them to talk to him and open the door again.

Outside of the car, the three men removed their masks, walking towards their makeshift hang out complete with a raggedy old couch and a mini fridge. It was cold inside the warehouse, but their heater provided sufficient heat, especially for them having to stay there for the next few days before they moved their target again.

“Don’t we need to give him some water or something?”

Victor shot the new kid (Zeke or something) a glare and scoffed, muttering about him being soft and treating the lawyer like he was a newborn baby. He took a seat and spread out his legs, sipping on the beer Romero passed him.

“Wait until tomorrow. Let the bastardo freeze for a bit.”

“Hey,” Romero piped up, blowing a burning lungful of smoke from the recently lit joint perched between his fingers, “what time are we taking him to the safe house anyway?”

“Why, you got some important shit to do?” Victor snapped, snatching the weed from his oldest friend’s hand. Zeke stood in front of them, unsure of what to do while his eyes wondered back and forth between his bosses and the man in the trunk of his beat up car.

“Yeah, her name’s Mariposa,” Romero laughed, slapping Victor’s outstretched hand. The two shared a knowing look. Victor held up the joint to Zeke and the younger man shook his head, finally taking a seat on a fold out chair. He still looked unsure and it was starting to piss Victor off.

Unsure associates were never to be trusted. Too many times had they had to track down snitches and take care of them to make a statement. And besides Zeke’s obvious hesitance as well as his newly minted member status, he liked the kid.

He better not fuck it up, though. Because Victor wouldn’t hesitate to kill a snitch.

+

_December 3 rd, 2016 – 9:10 a.m._

Every room checked, every floor swept at the court house and now Liv and Carisi stood outside of Barba’s apartment door, hoping upon everything that the man had simply slept in. It wasn’t a likely probability because the man had six alarms on his phone to make sure he was on time.

Liv knocked a few more times and was met with complete silence once more. Sighing, she bent down and lifted the worn grey mat that sat in front of his door, peeling it up and snatching a silver key that hid there. If he wasn’t going to come to the door, then she would just have to waltz in herself. God, she hoped he was in there.

She had a sickening feeling he wasn’t, but she could still hope.

“How many times have you been over here?”

Liv shot Carisi a confused stare over her shoulder.

“What kind of question is that?”

“Well, you know where his spare key is…,” Carisi suggested, shrugging his shoulders a second after and waving off the conversation like he hadn’t said anything to begin with. It was a good move to save his skin.

Live focused back in and unlocked the front door, opening it a crack before she swung it open. There were two lights: the lamp in the living room and the kitchen. Nothing looked out of place or on the floor. His heavy coat was hung up neatly above his shoes and a briefcase sat behind an armchair, partially opened.

“Counselor?”

A cold silence met Carisi’s call, which unnerved the hell out of Liv and the young detective beside her.

“Maybe we just missed him?”

“He left without his briefcase?”

Carisi bit his lip and moved further into the apartment, gripping his gun holster as an extra precaution while Liv tracked into the living room, careful not to touch or bump into anything. The couch looked recently sat on if the crumpled cushions were anything to go by and a few dirt smudges on the dark grey rug that sat underneath the coffee table was highly unusual.

Carisi stepped over a small puddle on the floor, ruling out blood immediately. It looked more like water or beer, if the open bottle on the counter was anything to go by. He was a little shocked that Barba even drank beer.

“Lieu…I’m not seeing anything incredibly incriminating here. I mean it’s unusual that all of his stuff is still here, but he could be going down to court as we speak? Maybe we should try calling him again,” Carisi suggested, backtracking away from the hallway that lead to a few closed doors and into the living room where his boss stood.

Liv just nodded, agreeing and pulled out her phone. The lock screen showed a text message from a number not recognized by her phone and she opened it without a second thought.

The image on the screen, when it finally loaded, made her freeze, mouth slightly open and eyes wide in shock. Carisi noticed the change immediately and asked her if she was ok before he took the phone from her hand.

On the screen was a darkened image of a bound Rafael Barba, duct tape over his mouth and squeezed into the trunk of a small car. His bright hazel eyes looked fearful and angry all at once and one of them was sporting a newly black ring underneath.

“Shit,” was all Carisi could say, leaving the words unspoken between him and Liv for a few seconds before the detectives jumped into action.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I lost the groove for this story but I think I'm getting it back! I've been writing so much romance and fluff lately, I need a little suspense and action. Enjoy!

_December 3_ _rd_ _, 2016 – 11:10 a.m._

"Came from a burner. Untraceable," Fin commented, reading from the text on his phone. He stood in the middle of the apartment, rereading the text message before he slipped it back into his pocket and walked to the bedroom.

Rollins followed behind him, scanning the floor for any other evidence the initial walkthrough could have missed. But the apartment was immaculately clean…almost like no one even lived there. However, it was unsurprising seeing as how Barba was either always in his office or in the bar down the street.

"Of course it did. Nothing's ever easy," she grumbled, feeling an uneasy worry settle on her shoulders, as did the rest of SVU. She wasn't his biggest fan and he wasn't hers, but they'd been working with the ADA long enough for him to be considered part of their little family. He knew a lot about the more private and serious parts of the detectives lives and even if it was a part of his job, there was a level of trust and respect they all put in him.

It didn't surprise her that she and everyone else were worried about his well-being. With her and Carisi heading the investigation into the death threats (which they thought was done and closed), she couldn't help but feel a bit responsible and Carisi did too, if the look on his face was any indicator.

She patted his arm as they entered the room, leafing through a pile of crumpled notes with black writing. He flashed one at her that had a particularly nasty message written on it and she understood what it was right away. She was a bit shocked he kept the threatening notes, but knew better. Barba was smart.

"Liv," Amanda called out to the Lieutenant who stood staring out the window of the bedroom with a blank look on her face. Above everyone, Liv was obviously taking this the hardest. It was no secret the two were closet to each other. The two of them spent more time together than everyone combined and Amanda had an inkling there was a tad bit more than friendly feelings between the two, but she kept those thoughts to herself.

Ultimately, it was her boss' business and it would stay that way. However, if Liv needed comfort, then she would give it.

"We can set up a perimeter. Get security footage from the lobby and back entrances and from the restaurant across the street…," the blonde suggested, keeping her voice quiet enough so she didn't alert the other two men in the room. She glanced over her shoulder to see Fin texting on his phone and Carisi still reading through the pile of notes.

When Liv just nodded, Amanda bit back a sigh and rubbed the woman's shoulder comfortingly, "We'll find him, Liv."

Rollins didn't wait for a reply before she turned on her heel, nodding for Carisi to follow her out. Fin watched the two leave, unsure whether or not to go with them or to stay and offer some words to his longtime partner and friend. Liv was one of the strongest people he knew, though and any comfort she needed she would find in herself.

She was allowed to have a moment where she wasn't so sure and strong and he would give it to her. Without a word, he followed the other detectives out of the room, leaving Liv in the silence of Barba's untouched bedroom.

* * *

_December 3_ _rd_ _– Time Unknown_

Barba woke with a stinging slap to his face and a bright light blinding him again. He instinctively curled up and leaned back, wanting to put as much distance between him and the men above him. Except, there was only one man above him and he looked more like a scared teenager than anything.

"Here," the kid dropped a plate of strange looking meat that smelled like dog food in front of his face. Barba scrunched his face as the smell assaulted his nostrils.

"No fork?"

Barba's smart remark lifted the corners of the kid's mouth for a second before he hesitantly looked around the area. The kid bit his lip, looking like he was warring with himself, trying to come to a decision. It was a look the ADA had seen numerous times on victim's faces when they were trying to decide if they truly wanted to open up to him or the detectives. He'd also seen it on suspects who were close to breaking.

It gave him a little flicker of hope. The kid didn't know it, but he could be Barba's only way out of this mess.

"Just eat it or else," the kid said in a voice that was more than likely meant to be menacing. In fact, Barba supposed this entire encounter was supposed to be menacing, to bring him down a notch and make him eat food meant for an animal.

"What's your name?"

The kid froze for a second, surprised by the question and the fact that he wasn't being taken seriously. His mouth moved faster than his brain did, muttering his name before he could stop himself. It probably wasn't a good thing that the lawyer knew his name, but the chances of the man making it through the week were slim to none. Not with everything the higher-ups had planned.

The picture message Victor had sent from one of the burner cells earlier to that female detective was just to mess with them. To give them hope that they could find him alive when all they would do was collect a bag of bones by the end of it.

"Zeke? You a new member? They have you doing all the bitch work?"

Zeke tensed up, angry for a split second before he nodded. This conversation was starting to get into dangerous territory. Subconsciously, he knew this. Before Victor and Romero left, they warned him not to let him talk or ask questions and now here he was, giving answers like an idiot.

"Are you going to eat or do you want to starve?"

Barba glanced down at the plate, absolutely refusing to stick his mouth or face anywhere near it. He wasn't a dog and he wasn't going to eat like one, so he shook his head no and the kid snatched the plate away angrily.

"What are they going to do to me?"

Zeke scoffed, "Like I'm going to tell you, old man."

"Can you at least tell me what they want with me?"

"I don't know but you must have done something to piss them off," Zeke replied, turning on his heel to walk over to the trash can, dumping the plate and the empty can of dog food just as his phone began to buzz.

"I piss off a lot of people. This is the first time I've ever been taken hostage," Barba called, resting his head back against the trunk floor. Zeke remained quiet though, attention focused on, what he assumed was his phone.

Barba laid there, taking in the expanse of warehouse ceiling as the only sound echoing through the cold building was the continuous tapping of fingers typing a text message. He wondered where is phone was for a second and if anyone had tried to reach him.

No doubt the court and his colleagues noticed his absence. He was the picture of punctuality and rarely ever missed a court date. Plus, Liv was supposed to meet up with him before and when he didn't, he knew she would go check on him.

He knew it. He could feel it in his bones.

But these guys? They didn't know a damn thing. All they knew was that they were supposed to kill him. Whether they succeeded before the NYPD found him was a mystery. He had unwavering faith in SVU, though. They had, on more than one occasion, let it be known he was one of them, even if he carried a briefcase instead of a badge.

Zeke sighed and locked his phone, rubbing at his eyes as he went about finishing packing up his bag and getting rid of any trace people had been here. Victor and Romero would be back in an hour and they'd be moving the man to the safe house. He was eager to get home, as well. His abuelita was getting worse by the day and the pills he bought from their dealer were going to help with the pain.

Hopefully, she didn't bother asking him where he got them. She'd die from finding out he was with a street gang before the cancer took her. He couldn't have that.

"So…do you have an idea of when they're going to kill me? I'd like to know before I make Christmas Eve plans with my mother."

Zeke growled, annoyed, "Do you ever shut the fuck up?"

"I'm a lawyer, it's my job to talk."

"Figures," Zeke mumbled, continuing to wipe up the beer cans and bottles loitering every available surface in the small break area of the shop. He cursed when he saw the cigarette burns on the wooden coffee table, wondering how he was even supposed to cover it up. The owners were due back in a few days and if they noticed anything out of sorts, they'd call the cops.

It was their usual spot, out of the way from prying eyes, surrounded by other abandoned warehouses. The owner had no knowledge BX9 had a spare key to the place and occupied it with their shady dealings when the owners would leave town.

Of course, they were usually careful when occupying the spot, not wanting leave any trace behind.

"Do you have any water?"

Zeke hung his head at the request, already feeling his controlled anger slipping at the nonstop talking the man had done since he woke him up. Although, he wouldn't ignore his request for a drink, he was about ready to knock him out again so he could clean in peace.

He quickly grabbed the bottle of water he was drinking from earlier and walked it over to him. Barba did his best to lean up as the kid poured some of the water into his mouth. It was awkward but it did the trick in reliving some of the pain he was feeling.

"Can you at least tell me what time it is?"

"If I do will you shut up and leave me alone?"

Barba nodded, staying silent as he watched Zeke pull his phone out of his pocket to check the time. He shoved it back in and said, "12:45 p.m. Now fuck off."

Barba didn't say anything further and simply rested his head down again on the floor, listening as one of his captors shuffled around the warehouse and wondering what Liv was doing at that very moment.

* * *

_December 3_ _rd_ _– 1:15 p.m._

"Security cams in the lobby show Barba arriving at 10:45 p.m. and nothing suspicious before or after. We even checked the back and surrounding security cameras from the restaurants and bars in the area. Not a thing. Talked to the doorman and few cleaning people and they didn't see anything either."

"So we're dealing with professional ghosts," Rollins groaned, dropping into her desk chair as Carisi paced the length of the squad room, arms crossed over his chest. Liv ran a hand through her loose hair and closed her eyes. The security footage provided nothing just like CSU provided nothing. Not a sample of DNA other than Barba's was found. The only lead they had was a picture of the man tied up in a car trunk somewhere.

The license was hidden; the car was unidentifiable and so was the location. Liv's blood pressure skyrocketed along with her worry as she recalled the picture. Her phone was tapped as soon as they arrived back to the precinct and would remain that way until…

Until…what?

Until she received another picture? Until she got a phone call? They couldn't trace burner phones. They couldn't trace _anything_ because they had _nothing_. She wanted to cry and throw shit at the same time, but she kept her composure. She wouldn't falter in front of her squad because she was the strong one and they all needed to keep their shit together.

"They're still analyzing the picture downstairs…maybe they can see something we can't," Fin threw out, reclined back in his chair and twirling a pencil in his fingers. He knew saying it was a long shot but they all needed to stay focused and positive, as hard as it was.

"It's just a picture of him in the trunk of a car. What could they possibly learn from that," Carisi scoffed at the suggestion but knew what Fin was trying to do. He appreciated it, too. He could see the worry etched into the lines of Liv's body. Dodd's and the DA's office had been breathing down her back, ready to take this story to the major news networks. There were talks of bringing in the Fed's as well.

Barba was a high-profile New York ADA. This was new's worthy but as soon as it hit the papers, it was going to be out of control. Liv didn't want that. None of them wanted that. The best course of action they could take was to make it seem like they weren't looking as hard as they already had started.

"Let's just hope they see something we didn't. You never know. In the meantime, let's get his phone records. If he's still been receiving threats maybe these guys have left clues."

Liv got up to leave to her office before Amanda cut her off, "Wait. Remember a few months ago? Heredio? Maybe we can pay him a visit."

"Is he still at Ryker's?"

"He served a three-month sentence on a misdemeanor drug charge but he's out now."

Liv considered this information for a moment before she just nodded, sending her and Carisi back out into the field with a reminder to call her with any information they could. She watched as they gathered their things and left immediately, leaving her and Fin in the squad room alone.

"How you holdin' up?"

The question made her want to roll her eyes. How did he think she felt? But she spared him the attitude because she knew he was only checking on her to make sure she was keeping her head above water. It was no secret her and the ADA were close. Closer than most.

Their friendship took a hit with the Tucker debacle, but they rebuilt and got through it. However, their friendship had always been tinged with something. There was always a film over it, something bubbling underneath the surface she didn't want to identify and succeeded in forgetting about.

Now, it was all she could think about.

"I just want to find him."

Fin nodded and didn't say another word, turning back to his computer and getting started on a request for phone records. Liv stood there a second longer before she walked back into her office and closed the door behind her.

* * *

_December 3_ _rd_ _– 2:05 p.m._

"Hey bitch boy," Victor called out to Zeke as he and Romero entered the warehouse through the backdoor. The teenager tensed up from his spot on the couch where he'd been scrolling through his Facebook feed. He finished cleaning up just ten minutes before and all their stuff was packed up and ready to move out.

"Did you feed him his chow?"

"He wouldn't take it," Zeke reported. He stood and pocketed his phone while he waited for further instructors from the man. Romero sipped from the brown bagged bottle in his hand, too focused on his phone to even pay the kid any attention. Victor hmm'd and went to sit on the couch, pulling a small baggy of a tar like substance along with a dirty spoon and an unopened hypodermic needle kit.

"You're gonna drug him?"

"You gotta problem with that," Victor said dangerously, going about fixing the addicting substance like an old pro. Zeke looked on, uneasy as he sat down and watched the process half-interested.

"This is how we do things. Don't like it, make a run for it. Just don't expect to get out of this gang alive."

Zeke sucked in a breath, fearing those words like he used to fear his father's belt. Those words were told to him before he joined by one of the guys initiating him. He took the warning with a grain of salt, knowing a few ex-members who turned their lives around after escaping. Hearing the warning coming from Victor, though. He was high enough on the totem pole that anything the man said was to be believed.

Regret echoed in the back of his mind now. He should have listened before he got beat to hell on the outskirts of Manhattan.

"Alright, let's get a move on," Victor said after a few minutes of quiet concentration. He pocketed the equipment with practiced ease and ordered him to grab their shit so they could leave. They were due at the safe house soon.

"Abogado," Victor sang, waking Barba from the fitful nap he drifted off into. He jumped back a little at Victor's face shoved into his but was violently pulled forward by the tie still around his neck.

"I have a little present for you," Victor said, grabbing roughly at his right arm still bound behind his back. Barba hissed in pain, feeling the sharp sting of pins dancing along his skin. His entire body hurt, but his arms were in the worst pain from being pinned behind him for so long.

Barba bit his lip to keep the sarcastic jumble of words he wanted to throw at the gangster, knowing it wouldn't end well. This guy wasn't like the kid. He would kill him with no hesitation and he didn't want to risk that chance.

Victor pulled at one of his sleeves, ripping the buttons and shoving the material up until it exposed his veiny forearm.

"Romero," he whistled for his friend, who unhooked his belt from his pants one handed and passed it to him. Victor quickly wrapped it tightly around Barba's upper arm and the feeling in the lawyer's stomach grew ill at the sight of a loaded syringe being brought into view.

"What is that," he said, knowing full well it was drugs but knowing what it was. He was scared at the prospect of whatever it was about to be injected into his blood stream. It wasn't poison, he reasoned, because they seemed like they were needing to keep him alive. From the looks of it, it resembled cooked heroin.

"This," Victor held up the syringe and Barba flinched away when some of the liquid spouted out of the tip and landed on his vest, "Is going to make you _really_ happy."

He tried moving his arm away, but Victor held a firm grip. He could only watch helplessly as the needle was injected into a vein, the brown swirling liquid disappearing into his arm. Call him crazy, but he could feel it crawling through the vein in his arm, traveling through his body in mere seconds.

Victor snatched the needle out of his arm and unwrapped the belt, watching as the lawyer's head hit the trunk floor and his eyes trying desperately to remain open. The high would keep him preoccupied while they made the transfer and hopefully would keep him quiet as well.

Victor slammed the trunk door shut and quickly lit a cigarette, watching his associate and bitch boy gathered up the rest of their belongings and cleared the place. Once he was confident the place was back to normal, he slid into the front seat and started up the car.

"That should keep him quiet till we get to the safe house."

"You didn't give him too much did you? The last guy we did this to died before we could get there," Romero reminded him as he got in while Zeke flung the bags into the backset and dropped down next to them.

"You think I'd waste my dope on this pinche cabrón? Fuck outta here."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oy. Things get tense in this chapter guys. I would say enjoy but that seems cruel.

_December 3_ _rd_ _– 2:37 p.m._

Amanda and Carisi drove through the city, no words being traded between them. It was a weird shift to their normal dynamic. Usually, Carisi came up with a topic and they discussed it in length when they were going for a drive. They had fun on those outings, going to knock down doors to relieve some of the stress before they were forced to deal with criminals.

There was no relieving the stress now.

Amanda wasn't particularly close to Barba, but she knew the man long enough to consider him an integral part of their team. He was an asshole sometimes but he cared about the victims, even if he didn't always show it. More importantly, he understood their jobs and just how hard it could be to do it. They all had their arguments with him, whether they were wrong or he was, but they always came together in the end to fight for justice.

Carisi had taken to him like a student. Barba had the ideal career for Carisi. Fighting for victims who had no chance in doing it alone. He found a mentor and teacher in the man, observing his trial tactics and admiring his style.

Even Fin was taking it hard. He liked Barba despite the limited contact with him. The seasoned detective appreciated the hard-ass exterior the lawyer liked to put up. It was like the man's own style and probably why the two got along so well, bonding in companionable silence.

No one was taking it harder than Liv, though. Amanda understood. The two were close and shared something that was beyond the detective's knowledge or interest for the most part. You'd have to be blind not to see the spark, the way they fought each other and got each other on a level no other person could reach with either of them. There was something deeper between the two.

So, Amanda knew, for Liv's sake, for all their sakes and for Barba's very life…they needed a lead and soon.

"Barba's an idiot."

The comment was unexpected, sounding so loud in the quiet car as the city passed by in a blur. Amanda looked over at her partner, noticing his white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel and the way his eyes were narrowed angrily on the street ahead.

"He should have told us the threats started up again."

Amanda didn't speak but she secretly agreed. Barba was an idiot. He was stupid for letting those threats go by the wayside, whether he thought he could handle them on his own or not. It was likely he didn't even see them as a threat. It was a possibility Barba thought they were full of shit and not worth wasting anyone's time. After the initial threats ceased after Heredio's arrest, he was breathing easier, even with security officers following his every move.

No one missed the annoyed looks he would give the two agents whenever he had to make a trip to the precinct, mumbling under his breath when one of them got in his way or looked over his shoulder at incoming text messages. When they were released from the job, he was happy. It was like a weight lifted from his shoulders and the threats were never heard from again.

Little did they all know they came back and this time they were serious.

"You know Barba…he's a fighter," she calmly added, resting her chin on her fist and watching a group of children cross the street as they came to a stoplight. They were starting to move into the more dangerous parts of the Bronx and it always made her uneasy when she saw children unattended like that.

"I know…it just kills me what this is doing to Lieu. God knows where he even is. He could be dead for- "

"Stop."

Carisi immediately ceased all talking, taken aback by the sudden harsh edge to her voice. It was like a knife piercing his thoughts as her hard eyes met his. There were only a few times he ever met this side of Amanda, and it was never directed towards him.

"You start thinking like that and this investigation goes to shit. We have a job to do and we're going to do it because our ADA's life depends on it. Toughen up and focus, Carisi."

Carisi was silent as he pushed on the gas pedal and drove through the green light, letting Amanda's words sink in to his system. In the back of his mind he knew she was right. They always treated every abduction case as if the victim were still alive until, without a reasonable doubt, that they weren't. For some reason, the possibility that Barba was already dead drifted to the forefront of possibilities and that disturbed him.

Even if he didn't immediately like the way the blonde's words stung him, he took her advice and pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. She was right; they had a job to do and they would do it to the fullest of their abilities. Their personal feelings with this case were going to prevalent, but they couldn't rule their thinking.

It was silent for a full five minutes as they got closer and closer to Heredio's residence before he apologized quietly. Everything was forgiven in less than ten seconds with a small, understanding smile shared between them.

Carisi parked the car across the street in front of some boarded up convenient store, smelling the pot wafting from inside the building and taking in the sketchy characters that either watched them intently or quickly took off in different directions.

They turned off the car and quickly made their way across the street, keeping vigilant and watching their backs. Cops weren't welcomed in parts of the city like this, but were desperately needed most of the time. Crime was so high, a lot of it went unsolved and unreported much to the city's government's dismay.

The duo walked a short way up the sidewalk and carefully read the numbers on the raggedy brownstones to make sure they were at the right address. They climbed the stairs and pounded on the door a few times, listening in when they're knocks went unanswered, doing their best to block out the sounds of the city so they could hear inside. They knocked again a few times, standing there for a few minutes before descending the steps, deciding what their next course of action they could take.

They were pressed for time, but if Heredio wasn't there, who knew where he was. The Bronx was huge and there was BX9 milling the streets everywhere.

"Hey guera!"

Amanda, who'd been rubbing her forehead and discussing possible courses of actions to take with Carisi, looked over to a car parked on the side of a street with some Hispanic making kissy faces at her, clearly drunk. In the front seat was another man who looked annoyed as he taped away on his phone. Carisi waved him off but Amanda passed the detective and slinked over to the car.

She took a good look, noting the empty but previously occupied backseat as she came closer to the passenger. He was dressed like a gang member, that infamous logo etched onto the front of his hat like a proud badge. Amanda's eyes lit up and took advantage of her looks and the opportunity it was presenting her. There was a big possibility the two men knew where Heredio could be.

"Hey sugar," she drawled, letting her southern accent thicken up her speaking voice. Men tended to be a sucker for an accent and she was going to lay on all the charm if it could get her some answers. The drunk man hiccupped a bit and leaned out a little, taking a good long look at her form. Amanda was a little uncomfortable at the way his eyes lingered, but she didn't allow it for long.

"You two gentlemen wouldn't happen to know where Felipe Heredio would be located," she said hopefully yet smoothly. The men shared a look before they both scoffed, the driver going back to his phone, clearly uninterested while the passenger continued to lean out the window. She felt Carisi watching the interaction and was thankful he kept his distance. He knew what she was doing and she knew he didn't like it, but it was working in getting them to talk.

"Who's that?"

Amanda laughed easily, letting the man chuckle along with her before she continued in her questioning, "You know him. Brother was a Lieutenant. He spent about 3 months in Ryker's on petty charges? We just needed to ask him some questions, that's all."

"Mira Bonita," the man slurred, "I don't know him and I don't want to. But I would love to get to know you."

The man reached out and grazed her thigh with his fingertips. She moved away quickly, hand going to her sidearm in defense and Carisi joined her quickly, standing a little in front of her while he set the man straight. The dangerous edge to his voice let some of the sudden tension in her body release and she patted his arm, assuring her everything was fine. These two weren't going to give her any answers.

She was about to suggest they head back to the precinct and bid the two farewell before the drunk man waved wildly towards a kid walking hesitantly towards the car, hands in his pockets and a hood covering his head.

"Hey, bitch boy!"

Amanda nodded politely at the kid and stepped back to let him slide into the backseat of the car. He looked nervous, more than likely having drugs on his person, but they weren't there for that. Their reason for being there wasn't home now and they were back to the drawing board.

"Catch you later," the drunk man sang as the car took off from its spot, speeding away and turning the corner down the street. They watched it disappear before Carisi patted her back.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," she reassured, letting her hand linger on his arm before they headed back across the street, "I just need a shower now."

* * *

 

_December 3_ _rd_ _– 2: 45 p.m._

Fin sprung to attention at his desk when the files he requested pinged in his work e-mail inbox. He quickly opened them and sent them to the printer nearest his desk, eager to start looking through them. He requested the usual: blocked numbers, numbers not listed in contacts, making sure they weren't combing through anything personal from family or friends. They didn't want to pry into his life, especially when he wasn't there to monitor it.

He picked up the papers out of the tray and headed towards Liv office, ready to present them to her so they could begin the process of reading through them and identifying phone numbers. It was a long, drawn out process that would take up most of their day and that was a daunting thought. Everyone felt like they were on borrowed time and the constant calls from Dodds weren't helping.

He quietly knocked on Liv's door before he cracked it open and poked his head in. She looked sad and pathetic, forehead resting in her hand as she stared at her phone. It was like she was willing for it to ring, waiting for Barba's name and picture to pop up on her screen like normal. They way her eyes never wavered from the darkened screen rubbed Fin the wrong way and a sudden anger bubbled in his stomach at her behavior.

This wasn't the Liv he knew. This wasn't the strong woman he'd worked with for almost two decades now. This wasn't the woman who'd been put through the ringer and made better because of that. This was some scared, selfish version of her and it grated on his nerves. Fin was easily the most laid back of the detectives, taking everything in stride and willing to wait things out while everyone else sat on edge.

But seeing this was awakening a sour mood in him he hadn't felt in a while, especially towards Liv. He wasn't going to stand for it, overstepping be damned.

Fin walked into the office and let the door slam harshly, making Liv jolt a little in her seat. Fiery eyes met equally as fiery, the two staring each other down and willing the other to back off. It was a silent battle of wills for a few moments before Liv broke eye contact and looked at her phone again, almost sighing when the screen remained black. Fin scoffed and slapped the stack of papers on top of the phone, but Liv didn't move.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

The question was harsh and devoid of any emotion, transforming the normally calm energy in the office into electric. Liv glared up at him through her lashes, jaw set and ready to fight if need be. That didn't deter Fin.

"Why are you sitting in here on your ass, staring at your phone while we're all working?"

Liv stood slowly, fists curled and looking fiercer than he'd ever seen here. His mouth twisted into an angry smile at the reaction, needing it to know she was still there with them and light a fire under her ass. She wasn't about to sit there and mope around, not on his watch.

"I wonder what Barba would say if he saw you right now," he said softly, narrowing his eyes at the woman as he crossed his arms. Liv went stock still, hands uncurling and laying limply by her sides. Tears gathered in her eyes for a split second before all the tension she was holding in her frame left her loose and hunched over her desk, hands scattering the stack of papers across her desk.

He saw a few tears fall from her cheeks and hit the desk in fat droplets. Her shoulders shook in concealed sobs for a minute and Fin waited patiently. He'd been around people going through breakdowns before. He'd witnessed them and been through them himself. Liv had more than her fair share, but this situation was slightly different than the rest.

It was always hard when something like this happened to the people you loved the most.

"He'd probably tell me to grow a set and get to work," she said in a thick voice, giggling a little as she looked up and locked eyes with her old friend. Fin chuckled, nodding in agreement. Liv stood straight and wiped her eyes, not feeling embarrassed at all by her longtime friend witnessing her outburst. She knew she was being pathetic and ridiculous, but there was so much worry and pain, it was debilitating.

"Barba's probably the only person that could say that to you and live to see the next day," Fin joked but the words he said were never truer. Barba could and had said things like that to her and it only proved to make her stronger and tougher. That was something she appreciated about him and loved him for.

"Well…he's special," she whispered, biting her lip as she realized she may have let a little too much slip. But Fin simply nodded, knowing exactly what she was alluding to. It was a little scary that maybe other people had seen those feelings for the lawyer she desperately tried to hide away, but she was beginning not to care.

The longer Barba wasn't near her, the more the ache in her heart grew for him.

"I know he is, Liv. Can we please get to work combing through these messages, now? Homeboy's out there probably wondering when the hell we're gonna come pick him up," he said and Liv laughed, taking a seat again with a sad smile on her face and picked up the stack. She separated out two piles: one for him and one for her. They immediately got to work, the air clearer and Liv more determined than ever.

* * *

 

_December 3_ _rd_ _– 2:54 p.m._

"You ever fuck a cop?"

Victor laughed suggestively, taking a long drag from the blunt poised between his thumb and pointer finger. He passed it to Romero, skipping over Zeke in the backseat who could handle as much of the drug as the other two could. Besides, Zeke wasn't such a huge fan of any sort of drugs after being the pick-up boy. He hated picking up…

It always made him nervous; it always felt like he was about to get busted by either one of his own or some cop undercover. He almost ran when he spotted those two cops earlier, talking to Romero about something he didn't get the gist of. All he could feel was his heart double in speed the closer he got back to the car.

"Yeah, one time. Took her behind my old apartment building. Gave her a hundred bucks to keep quiet," Victor bragged, slapping Romero's outstretched hand as the two laughed like it was the funniest story ever told. Zeke was taken aback by the implication but shouldn't have been so shocked. That was these people did. Raped. Murdered. Tortured.

It was their way of life and he knew that.

So why was he feeling so sick to his stomach? Why did he have the sudden urge to make a run for it? Why did he want to find those cops again and admit to everything? From the drugs in his pocket to the drugged-up lawyer in their trunk. He was foolish to think he could live a life like this. He was stupid to think he could ever be hard like these criminals.

He joined because he idolized his dead cousins. They fought and died for good causes; getting money for their family and making sure he had clothes on his back and food in his mouth as a child. He aspired to be like them; tough, tattooed and rolling cash.

It amazed him that not once did he ever stop and think of what they could have been doing to earn that money. And what of their free time? Were they just like Victor? Did they do this very thing for a living?

Zeke sat in a contemplative silence, watching as they rolled to a stop in front of a small, broken down white house, outside of the bustling city but still in no better of a neighborhood than they grew up in. There was an old red CR-V missing its two back tires, propped up by cinderblocks. The small enclosed yard was overgrown with thick weeds and unkempt bushes, a rickety, old patio chair sat on the small porch. Alongside it sat a bucket of overflowing cigarette butts and a few empty beer bottles loitered the railings.

"Who lives here?"

"Some druggie. We use his house to hide our shit and do our business. We keep him in supply of drugs and he keeps quiet if the cops come sniffin' around this way," Victor replied, putting the car in park and looking towards the house as if he was waiting for something. Zeke sat confused, not sure what the two men were looking for until he caught a swift movement from the window. Zeke caught the retreating form of a hunched over guy in the window, disappearing into the darkened house.

Victor drove around the side of the house, the small alleyway covered by a large fence and more thick bushes provided a nice cover from prying eyes. He swiftly turned the car around to face away from a back-screen door, propped open by an old car tire.

"We're leaving him here?"

Neither Victor or Romero answered his question as they got out of the car, popping the trunk door on the way out. Zeke followed suit, realizing he was falling behind. He rounded the car and watched as they opened the trunk door, revealing Barba doing his best to hide his eyes from the natural sunlight burning into the trunk.

He shivered involuntarily, from the cold and the sudden appearance of a pocket knife glinting in the sun and heading straight towards him. Had he not been drugged prior, he would have moved faster in trying to scramble away, but he only realized they weren't out to hurt him.

His ankles separated from each other and he hissed as he stretched his legs, feeling pain and relief all in the same movement. He was only able to enjoy the feeling of being freed for a second because strong pairs of hands were hauling him out of the trunk and forcing him to his feet.

"Go," one the men commanded, shoving him a little. He almost fell forward, feeling the pins and needles riddling the entirety of the two limbs. He took a shuddering breath and mentally prepared himself for the walk, consciously aware of the men behind him, watching his every move. They acted as if he could run away from them and he wanted to laugh at the thought.

Barba moaned in pain, his legs feeling wobbly as he took the first few steps towards the house, slowly and limping. His entire body was sore from being crammed in the same position for almost a full day straight and he could feel the burn marks from the rope that bound his legs together. He would have burn marks on his wrists for sure and he hoped they would take some mercy on him and cut his arms loose, too.

Victor huffed impatiently and shoved Barba violently, watching in amusement as the man stumbled forward but kept his balance and sped up the pace. He was first inside the house, eyeing the hunched over druggie shifting from one foot to the other by the door. He looked nervous or strung out or both. Barba felt the same. The drug's effect had worn off but it left him disoriented and sick to his stomach.

Romero moved out in front of him as they walked further in and lead him towards an old, wooden door where a wooden staircase descended into total darkness. Barba gulped, ignoring the pain in his throat as he hesitantly began his walk down the stairs, using his feet to tell where the next step was so he didn't fall or trip.

When the group finally reached the bottom of the staircase, Romero hit the light switch, revealing a dimly lit, concrete floored basement with shelves line with boxes and other equipment. This was more than likely a supply house where they kept their guns and drugs, money and other things away from the city just in case.

"Welcome to your home for the next few days," Victor murmured, coming around the front of Barba and quickly slicing the rope around his wrists. Barba almost thanked the gangster but kept it to himself, not feeling the slightest bit of gratitude towards any of them. He was too busy already scouting a way out of there. It was windowless and all weapons that were in there were locked up anyhow.

He had a feeling he wasn't going to make it out of the basement alive and he desperately hoped he was wrong.

"No blankets? No pillows?"

Victor and Romero laughed at that little joke and it made Zeke uneasy. The regret filled thoughts he was having earlier were still replaying in his head and he wished the loud mouth lawyer would shut up for once. He didn't know (or maybe he did) you weren't supposed to talk to two dangerous gang bangers like that. They weren't to be fucked with, whether it be a fight or simple words.

This thought was punctuated with a very mean right hook to Barba's face, knocking him to the ground and sending shooting pain through his entire face. He groaned in pain with barely enough time to cover his face as Victor and Romero went about kicking and punching him, reverting to tactics Zeke was sure would be used earlier on.

But the teenager turned away from the scene, unable to stomach the noises let alone the sight of a grown man being pummeled into a hard-concrete floor. The beating lasted all of thirty seconds, but they did a good amount of damage in that short span. He was bloodied, a few cuts bleeding along his cheeks and mouth, a busted lip and bloody nose. He would have black eyes for sure, but he would live.

He would live and Zeke pitied him for that.

"There's your pillow and your blanket," Victor spat, out of breath and reaching for a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. Romero burped, still a little drunk from the entire bottle he drank just a few hours earlier and led his associate back upstairs, prepared to leave without a second glance at the bloodied man on the floor.

Zeke stood, thinking about which decision he was going to make. He could discreetly help the lawyer with a towel and some water, let him keep some of his dignity by not bleeding all over the floor and his clothing. On the other hand, if he wasn't in the car before his bosses were, he would be fucked out of a ride and fucked period.

The teenager spent all of a few seconds contemplating his options, noticing Barba staring at him with squinted eyes and wiping away at the blood dripping from his nose. He'd never been stared down with so much hate before, but he understood why it was directed at him. He didn't fault the lawyer for wanting to see him dead, because that was the kind of look glimmering in the sneer on his face.

He had to hand it to him…he didn't give up without a fight. Barba propped himself up on his knees and hands, droplets of blood falling to the ground continuously from his face, but his clear green eyes never left Zeke's own dark ones.

After a tense moment of silence, followed by a yell down the stairs for him to hurry, the teen pulled an old bandana from outside of his pocket and chucked it towards him. It landed near his left hand and Barba took it silently, eyes losing some of their ferocity as he brought it up and start trying to clean some of the blood off his face.

Zeke left without a word and without looking back, conflicted feelings about what he just did warring inside him as he left with Victor and Romero.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is heavy on one of my OC's but she plays an important part in this story. Don't worry, things might start looking up soon. Enjoy!

_December 6_ _th_ _– 7:55 a.m._

Lexi tiptoed through her living room, careful not wake her dad as she dropped her bag near the front door. She was ready for her Grandmother to come pick her up to spend time away from this hell hole. Tossing and turning was how she spent her entire night and she couldn't wait for two full days of a good night's rest ahead. Not to mention the fabulous breakfast buffet the hotel they were going to be staying in had readily available in the mornings.

Her stomach rumbled at the thought, but she didn't want to waste time on searching through her stash for food. She had other, more important, plans to attend to before she left the house.

Lexi knelt by her dad, passed out face first into the couch with a band still tied around his arm. She cursed, wondering how long he'd been there like that before she checked his pulse and freed his arm. Wanting to keep him sleeping for a little while longer, she threw the old throw blanket on the back of the couch over his sleeping form and turned to raise the volume on the television playing local news. A little noise would hopefully mask her light frame walking across the floor boards.

She tiptoed her way past him again, heading down the short hall that lead to a barely used, dusty bedroom both of her parents used to share. The bed was unmade and there were a few liquor bottles decorating the floors and end tables, but it looked like she just remembered.

It had been at least two years since she even stepped foot in that room. It reminded her too much of her mom and the decline of her dad. A perfect, wholesome family ripped apart by death and drugs. She pushed those thoughts away, feeling the stinging of tears beginning to creep forward. She didn't have time to cry.

Last night was an eye-opening experience. She knew whatever had been going on downstairs, away from her, wasn't any good. The things she'd been forced to listen to or accidentally caught a peek of made her stomach roll; it made her physically ill that it was happening in the living room she used to camp out in with her mom when she was a child. Things happened in the kitchen where they all used to sit down to have family dinners in. Disgusting crimes were taking place and she had no strength to make it stop.

Until, last night.

Her tossing and turning wasn't done mindlessly. All she could think about was Rafael Barba, beat to hell and shivering in her cold basement all night, blood probably still leaking from the vicious cut in his forehead. She couldn't take her mind off him.

This was the first time she'd ever encountered a victim and it awakened a need in her she hadn't ever experienced before. The urge to call for help, to help him escape was real. The overwhelming need to bring this man some justice swirled in the pit of her stomach, threatening to act as soon as possible.

But reality sank in and the cold, hard truth stung her like a thousand angry hornets.

She couldn't save him. She couldn't help him. Every kind of scenario she envisioned trying to help him always ended the same. Her dad would be dead; she would be dead and Rafael Barba would be dead before they could even feel the spirit of freedom.

But that didn't mean she couldn't help him in be comfortable in his last moments of life. He wasn't going to last down there forever; any day or any moment know they would come calling for him and another poor BX-9 victim would be ashes in the ground again.

Lexi crept into the bathroom and quietly opened the medicine cabinet door, overwhelmed at the sight of so many prescription medicine bottles but spotted exactly what she was looking for. Vicodin for pain.

Just because Rafael Barba was a dead man walking, didn't mean she couldn't help him at all.

Lexi shook the bottle gently and pulled out two of the pain pills, capping the bottle and making sure to place it just like she found it. She pocketed the pills and scurried out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, quickly grabbing a glass of water and a few more protein bars, unwrapped and ready to go.

One more check up on her passed-out dad as she was opening the door to the basement was all she needed before she headed down.

She kept her footsteps light, doing her best to reduce the creaking of the stairs on her way down. The light was still on and he was still in the same place, except he was facing towards the concrete wall, his right arm curled under his head. For a second, she thought he was sleeping as she walked over to him, boots scuffing noisily across the floor. He hadn't moved, but the subtle shifting of his body curling into an almost fetal position proved that wasn't the case.

"It's me," she said softly, watching as he slowly turned his head and glanced up at her. He relaxed a little, uncurling his body. When he noticed the water and food in her hands, he sat up slowly and in pain, maneuvering himself so his back was propped against the wall.

He looked pathetic and beaten, face black and blue, dried blood still on his face but the cut had stopped bleeding and was beginning to scab over. She bit her lip and squatted down in front of him, handing him the glass of water and a few more protein bars, unwrapped and ready to be eaten. He didn't spare any words, just graciously took the items and began to devour them.

Lexi watched as he kept his eyes cast down, scarfing down the bars so fast she thought he was going to choke. After he was finished, she pulled the pills out of her pocket and held them out in her open palm. He stopped sipping the water and looked at her questioningly, unsure of what she was trying to do.

"Vicodin. For your arm," she whispered, waiting patiently for him to set the glass down and pluck the pills out of her hand. He cupped them and gave them a good hard look before he turned his attention back to her.

"Why are you helping me?"

It was phrased the same way as the night before with the same tone and everything. It was like he was trying to trust her and make her his number one enemy at the same time. The way one of his eyebrows lifted as he looked at her, mouth parted and breathing harshly…he'd asked this question before. He'd been put in a situation like this before, maybe not of this caliber, but in one way or another, he'd been forced to decide whether the person in front of him was to be trusted or not.

Lexi could read people and he was an open book right about now.

"I don't know…," she replied, standing up. He downed the pills a second later, following them with a healthy gulp of water. It probably wasn't a good idea that he trusted her now. They probably wouldn't see each other after that day. He would be a distant memory and the next victim would take his place. She wouldn't help them.

Lexi turned to leave after she grabbed his empty glass, wanting to make a quick exit. Her grandmother would be there soon and she didn't want to make the woman wait for her long, especially in her neighborhood.

"Wait," he croaked out. She turned and shushed him, listening into the quiet for a second but hearing nothing. The last thing she needed was her dad waking up and finding her down there. Then all hell would break loose.

"What," Lexi asked, coming back to stand in front of him, unable to help from being genuinely curious about what he had to say.

"Can you do something for me?"

"What," Lexi asked again, not liking where this was going. She should have just left. In fact, she shouldn't have ever come down there. He was a dead man and she shouldn't care.

"I need you to…to help me. Go to the police," he stuttered out, hope burning in his green eyes. Lexi inhaled deeply, shaking her head. She couldn't do that. She wouldn't do that.

"I can't," she said sternly, turning her back on him.

"Please," he said louder but being mindful of his volume after her previous shushing, "Just…please."

Lexi sighed, feeling like the entire weight of the world was falling on her shoulders in that moment. Better yet, the entire weight of _his_ world falling on her shoulders. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked the time. She needed to leave.

"I'm listening," she finally said, leaving her back turned to him.

"Go to the 16th Precinct in Manhattan, fifth floor, speak to Olivia Benson…tell her where I am," he blurted out quickly. Lexi only nodded but didn't look back at him and began to ascend the stairs, daring not to look at him as she left him behind in the basement, a question of whether she was going to follow through with his request, resting in the space behind her.

Lexi closed the door quietly and crossed the room to the front door. She dropped the glass on top of the television, briefly glancing at her dad as she picked up her bag. She didn't wake him up as she left the house and waited on the steps until her grandmother arrived.

* * *

  _December 6_ _th_ _– 5:52 a.m._

"Liv."

Liv shot up, eyes opening and seeing Amanda looking at her with concern. Sleep still blurred her vision a bit, but she could make out the hot cup of coffee steaming in the blonde woman's hand along with a bag from the café a few blocks down the road.

"Sorry," Liv slurred, moving her hair out of her face and wiping the drool collected on the corner of her mouth. She must have looked a mess. She hadn't gone home last night, too bus following the tips and phone calls that had her phone ringing off the hook last night.

None of the tips, unfortunately, lead anywhere and the few personal phone calls she received were from some coworkers asking if there was any update or anything they could do to help. Even Rita Calhoun called in, having seen the press conference released last night to check in on the detective.

Perhaps the most taxing of all conversations she had last night came from Barba's mother. Lucia had been so worried, half crying, half yelling into the phone for information they didn't have. Liv did her best to placate the woman but after a half hour on the phone, there was little she could do to calm him.

"It's fine…how about you head home and get some sleep? Carisi, Fin and I came in early to get started canvasing. Fin can hold down the fort," Amanda recommended, hoping to entice Liv to leave and go home. The past few days with no word, no clues or anything had them all biting their nails, but Liv was practically shut off from everyone.

Fin had mentioned last night at a quick meal after the press conference about their little spat. Honestly, she was shocked the man had it in him. Fin was so laid back and unemotional, she would have paid to see him rip their boss a new one. Not that Liv deserved it. She simply needed to remember that Barba wasn't dead yet and that they had a job to do.

"I just need a shower and a change of clothes."

"Liv," Amanda went to argue, feeling like she was moving into dangerous territory as Liv sent her a mean, tired glare, "I really think you just need a few hours of sleep. You haven't been home for more than a few hours at a time."

"I'm fine. Lucy already told me she had no problem doubling up on shifts for Noah. Everything is fine. Now I'm going to run home, shower, change, see my boy for a few and come right back. Do you have an issue with that, Rollins?"

The office was silent as Amanda shook her head sadly. She set the coffee and bag down on the desk in front of her and turned on her heel, knowing she wasn't going to win the argument. Liv thanked her and quickly sipped the plain black coffee, feeling the caffeine working it's magic. She practically ripped through the bagel in the bag, too. She hadn't realized just how hungry she was, although it wasn't hard to imagine. The only thing she'd consumed in the past few days were vending machine snacks and half a box of Chinese food.

Liv made her way out of the office, grabbing her keys, coat and purse and checking her phone, noticing just a few text updates from Lucy and no missed phone calls. She found it a bit sick that she was desperately waiting for another teasing image of Barba, tied up and looking terrified again. But that would be proof that he was still alive and out there somewhere.

The previous picture message had been analyzed more times than she could count, along with the dirt stains on his living room rug. His apartment had been dusted countless times for DNA not of Barba's and still…nothing.

A picture of him, even if he was only to dangle the man in their faces, would let them all know he was still waiting to be found.

"Morning, Liv," Fin greeted as she left her office, the detective not even fully awake and starting up his computer. Carisi and Amanda sat at their desks, quickly downing their own breakfasts and she bid them goodbye, promising to be back within the next two hours.

Liv made it home in record time and smiled tiredly as her son jumped into her arms, excited to see her first thing in the morning. She felt an overwhelming guilt for neglecting him lately. So much time spent away from him had been spent non-stop working, fueled by worry and love and duty.

Noah hadn't a clue what was happening and she happy for that. Barba was a household favorite, unbeknownst to the man himself. Last night, when she called to talk to him before bed time, Noah had brought him up for some odd reason. It was strange, still, as she thought about it and it was threatening to make her cry again.

She didn't want to cry again.

"Mommy, you stay home today?"

Liv sighed inwardly, wanting desperately to say yes and cuddle him for the rest of the day in their pajamas, eating junk food and playing with his favorite action figures.

But there was so much work to be done. The press conference held earlier in the evening last night had relit the fire under all their asses, especially after her speech. She didn't let the public see her emotions, but she sure as hell made sure whoever had Barba did.

The thought to stay home was tempting, but her baby was safe and sound, excited for the day ahead at the playground with Lucy.

Barba wasn't safe and sound. He was somewhere in this city, tied up and terrified, waiting for them to burst down the door and whisk him away.

At least…she hoped he was…

With renewed vigor, Liv took a longer than normal shower and changed into fresh clothing, feeling the exhaustion slipping from her body and mind as she downed one more cup of coffee and spent a full ten minutes cuddling her baby on the couch.

She left Noah with Lucy a few minutes later, renewed determination as she headed back to the precinct.

* * *

  _December 6_ _th_ _– 1:45 p.m._

Lexi entered the 16th Precinct lobby and shuffled towards the front desk where an officer sat at a computer, phone pressed to her ear. There was a small line formed and a few people were milling about, some dressed in uniform and some in street clothes. This wasn't what she imagined a police precinct to look like. It was warm, rich brown tones calming her nerves rather than frazzling them further.

That was a good thing, considering the lie she had to tell her grandmother before she left the hotel on her own. Lucky for her, the elderly woman was exhausted from the six-hour drive into the city and needed a nap after their heavy lunch.

_I can't believe I'm doing this._

She bit her lip and stood awkwardly in the quickly moving line, picking at her nails. She'd been so sure back in the basement that she wasn't going to get involved in this. Even as she listened to his pleas to help him, she brushed them off as if it were dirt on her shoulder.

Yet, here she was. After a quick search of his name (curiosity always won out) and a press conference clip on the local news website, Olivia Benson had a face and her and the Special Victims Unit had been looking high and low for Rafael Barba.

She didn't know he was a lawyer. Never would have guessed it, but then again, it was a different experience not drenched in dried blood and looking so meek and beaten.

"Can I help you?"

Lexi looked up and noticed the receptionist looking at her expectantly.

"Uh…I have a meeting with Olivia Benson…"

"Fifth floor. Next."

Lexi moved out of the way, glancing at the line behind her as she scampered off to the elevators, thankfully not having to share with a large group of people. The pit in her stomach was growing with every floor she ascended. By the time the doors opened again, she was ready to throw up.

Her short walk down the hall and into the precinct didn't prepare her for the scene she was met with. The lobby had been deserted but this level was brimming. Uniformed officers were practically crawling out of the vents, there were so many. A few pushed past her and she apologized, crossing her arms over her chest to try and make herself smaller.

She stood by, what she guessed, was a welcoming desk but walked further onto the floor after waiting a full five minutes, watching the bustling officers working. Perhaps the focal point of the floor were a set of desks, suit and tie wearing detectives stood around, talking on phones and jotting down notes.

To the right of the desks were giant whiteboards sitting in front of a table, laptops showing traffic cam footage and running other various programs taking up the space. Lexi looked over a few shoulders, surprised she still had gone unnoticed.

"Did you need any help, sweetie?"

Lexi looked over her shoulder to see one of the detectives from the press conference walking up to her. She asked her another question she didn't hear as her eyes found a striking image on the whiteboard she'd been headed towards.

She felt a kind hand on her shoulder, the blonde waiting for a response that didn't come.

The blonde woman looked friendly as she drew the girl away from the white board with notes and maps scattered about, Rafael Barba's picture hanging up in the center of the board. He was far more important than she realized, it seemed.

For the first time since she left the house, she felt like she was doing the right thing.

"Yeah," Lexi said, stopping and turning back towards the board. Her eyes took in the expanse of overwhelming clutter and police maneuvering erratically, phones to their ears and passing each other paper's. Standing near the board was the woman she recognized speaking at the press conference, along with the two males listening intently to her talk.

Lexi walked back towards the board, the blonde following her curiously with brows furrowed. She supposed what she was about to say next was going to sound weird and completely out of left field. She supposed the next words that she was going to utter into the loud room were going to implicate her in what was turning into an all-out manhunt for lawyer currently rotting away in her basement.

The blonde behind her moved out in front of her and the other detectives from the television last night were now looking at her, confused and probably wondering who she was or how she even got in there in the first place.

"Is everything alright here?"

The darker haired woman had appeared next to the blonde, arms crossed over her chest and looking at her with soft eyes, so unlike what they conveyed a few hours earlier when she watched the press conference clip.

Lexi shook her head and finally raised her finger, pointing directly at the picture of Rafael Barba, smiling back at them.

"He's in my basement."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Don't hate me.

_December 6_ _th_ _– 2:10 p.m._

_He's in my basement._

Those words echoed in her head as two pairs of eyes stared her down from across the table. The cup of water in her hands did little quell the nervous bubbling in her stomach. She wanted to check her phone, hoping for a few missed calls from her grandmother wondering where she was. Any excuse to leave this table, leave this room and leave this building.

Deep down, she knew she needed to do this.

That didn't make it any easier.

"Lexi?"

She dragged her eyes from the plastic cup in her hands to Olivia Benson. The woman from the press conference. She hadn't expected her to be so soft spoken and gentle. During her speech, she seemed so emotionless and cold, like she wasn't there of her own free will. The entire time she stood in the background, camera's flashing and some important people speaking at the podium, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else but there.

Lexi was seeing the opposite now.

"Please…continue," Olivia patted her hand gently and pulled it back, grabbing her pen off the table. Amanda shifted in her seat, eyes never leaving hers. Somehow, she didn't feel intimidated by the two officers. The police had been the number one enemy in her house. Her father let it be known to anyone around them he wasn't a fan, but that was only because he had something to lose. Lexi was beginning to see that now.

She was also beginning to see that by her opening her mouth, she was compromising her own father. It terrified her that she felt no remorse for it. She loved her dad and yet, she couldn't be bothered to worry about whether he was going to be spending the rest of his life in prison.

Her name was spoken again and Lexi cleared her throat, willing her thoughts back to the conversation they were having previously. She glanced down at her phone, seeing it light up with another text from her grandmother. She felt bad for worrying her and now, she was going to have to explain what was going on to her and that was going to be a headache.

"Do you need to answer that?"

Lexi shook her head, answering Amanda's question. The longer she could put that subject off, the better.

"Anyway…," Lexi started again, "…so the guys leave the house and I got out from underneath the cabinet and…my curiosity got the best of me.

Uh…so I went downstairs and I haven't been down there in years because my dad doesn't let me. But I went and I, uh, I saw him. And he was bleeding bad on his head. I think they cut it open when they beat him with their bat."

"Did he talk to you at all," Olivia asked quickly, writing a few words on her notebook paper and underlined them. Amanda glanced at it, not bothering to write anything on her sheet.

"Yeah. Well, I talked to him. Asked him if he was ok. I got him a few napkins and brought him some food and water. He cleaned himself up. And then…I left."

Lexi crossed her arms and brought her thumb to her mouth, teeth biting at the nail. Her eyes wondered around the room, taking in the little details of the walls as she tried to gather her thoughts. Another text message lit her phone screen up and she didn't bother glancing at it when it continued to vibrate the table. Her grandmother was calling again, probably worried sick now. She hadn't realized she'd been there for almost two hours.

"I also talked to him this morning," she started after the vibrating stopped, "Gave him some more food and water and gave him some pain pills for his arm. It looked broken, almost. And then he asked me to do a favor for him and he told me to come here and talk to you."

Olivia stared straight into Lexi's eyes, seeing nothing but the truth reflected. The discussion her and the squad had before her and Amanda entered the room brought up the possibility that this innocent looking girl was a distraction. It wouldn't be the first time they'd been through that mess. It was a tactic to give them false information, throw them off their scent.

If what Lexi was saying was true, then BX-9 was going to pull out all the stops to ensure they couldn't find who they were looking for.

However, Lexi was telling the truth. All her years on the squad, working with victims and suspects, left her with a keen awareness of body language. She'd studied it for years, first-hand experience and plenty of seminars helped her in ensuring she was an expert, or close to it.

Lexi was telling the truth and Liv was feeling a weight lifting off her shoulders every second that passed. It had been weighing her down since the stupid press conference Dodds, against her pleas, moved into action. Politics were a bitch and so was the city's government for trying to use Barba's abduction as a ploy to crack down on the city's crime rates.

She was surprised she still had a job after the lashing out she let her boss and her boss' boss heard. Fortunately, Dodds was understanding enough to talk the situation down. Liv had been a ticking time bomb, emotions ranging from deep sadness to absolute fury.

Anger at Barba for not having come forward about the threats again. Anger at her squad for not being able to find anything through security or their contacts. Anger at herself because she was damn emotional and it wasn't letting her think straight.

Now? She could feel all those emotions dissipating, like storm clouds on a summer's day. Lexi was the break they needed and she was _telling the truth_.

"You said you left the house around 8:15 this morning? It's 2:25 now…a little over 6 hours he's been alone."

"Maybe."

Amanda, who'd been looking at Liv, turned back to Lexi with a questioning look. Liv looked a bit struck. Lexi took her thumb away from her mouth and fixed them both with a stare.

"He's been down there for who knows how long. If they're not going to kill him today, then they'll do it soon."

Liv nodded, standing up and grabbing her notebook. The words spilling from Lexi had ignited a fire and the sudden urge to gather everyone and hop in a cruiser was overwhelming. Amanda, thankfully, sensed this and followed suit.

"Lexi, we need your address," the blonde said steadily, not glancing back as Liv left the room, exiting through the door next to the two-way mirror. Lexi could hear a flurry of activity as the door slowly shut, voices rising with questions. Amanda called her name again, sternly with no hesitance. It caught her attention and she blurted it out, watching the pen in her hand scribble across the page.

"Thank you. Here," Amanda tore off a large end of the same page, jotting a phone number down, "This is my number. I have yours. We'll be in contact with you soon, so keep your phone by your side."

Amanda turned to leave and Lexi stood up, grabbing her bag and phone. She had to grab a taxi back down to the hotel. She could brainstorm some ideas on how to break the news to her grandmother that way. Unfortunately, there wasn't going to be a way to salvage this weekend with her but this was bigger than that.

"Detective," Lexi stopped Amanda on her way to the door, "What are you going to do with my dad?"

Before she could answer, one of the other detectives popped his head in the room, blinds clanging loudly on the glass door. The tall man looked between them and apologized before he spat some words at her and left, disappearing into the throng of officers being gathered in the large room.

They worked quick.

"Look, sweetie," Amanda placed a hand on the young girl's shoulder and turned her to the door, walking her out and around the commotion. She waited until they were by the elevator, where it was quieter, to continue.

"Your dad will be put into custody," she explained, expecting Lexi to burst into begging and pleas for them not to and to take it easy on him. Lexi had explained the situation with him earlier and there was no possible way he was going to get off scot-free.

"Ok," Lexi said softly, nodding. Lexi wasn't stupid enough to believe he wouldn't. She was, rather than upset, indifferent about the news. Her dad, albeit depressed and as protective as a junkie could be, deserved it in a way. Needed it, as well.

Amanda, although not expecting the response, patted her back and pushed her towards the elevator, itching to join the group. She could hear Liv speaking over the noises of scuffing shoes and telephones ringing.

"Lexi," Amanda watched as the young girl turned around in the elevator, locking eyes with her as the door began to close. Amanda could only imagine the types of violence the teen had been forced to witness in her short 17 years of life. It made her sick to her stomach thinking of all the possibilities. Street gangs like that didn't care, though. They didn't care how old you were.

"Be careful."

Lexi nodded just as the doors closed in her face. Amanda stood there for a few more seconds before she inhaled and marched straight towards the front of the expanding group, ready to roll up her sleeves and get to work.

* * *

_December 6_ _th_ _– 3:59 p.m._

The old car came to a screeching halt in the gravel behind the house. Nate stood on shaky legs, eyes blurry as he listened to the car doors banging closed and footsteps stomping up to and into the house.

The high he had before they got there was short lived and he had been fixing up another dose, holding the syringe full of heroin in his hand, hands itching to just shove it in his arm and let the feelings of euphoria wash over his body again. Something was telling him not to.

Something was wrong and he could tell when Victor came straight up to him and grabbed the front of his dirty shirt, hauling him almost straight off his feet. Behind him was Romero and that one kid he couldn't remember the name of.

The look of pure rage on the man's face was enough to make him drop the syringe, not even flinching when Victor stepped on it and shattered it under his boot. He could smell alcohol and weed on his breath, but he didn't look impaired.

"Who the fuck did you tell?"

Nate gulped, shaking his head and stuttering out a response, "I-I don't know what you mean."

Victor growled and pushed the man onto the couch, pulling a loaded gun out from the waist band of his baggy jeans. Romero followed, cocking his gun and holding it to the side as he walked around from behind his boss. Victor pointed his gun straight at his head, finger on the trigger as he asked the same question over again.

"We know you told someone. There's about 15 cop cars headed this way right now. Unless they've been following us, someone had to have told and it wasn't one of us."

Nate shook his head violently and stopped when he felt the cold press of the gun barrel against his forehead. Victor got down on one knee, still managing to tower over Nate. The gangster quirked a sinister smile and glanced over at the staircase.

"If it wasn't you…then maybe it was Alexis," Victor whispered between them, watching Nate's eyes turn from worry into fear. The junkie sent him a pleading stare, lips quivering as he tried to form words to spit out. In the back of his head, Nate knew his daughter wasn't there. A vague memory of his daughter mentioning the weekend with her grandmother came to him that morning when he woke up.

That still didn't calm him down. If they wanted to find her, they would find her. They had their ways, whatever they were.

"We know she's not here. We also know she's the one that ratted us out," Victor sneered and stood, putting the safety back on his gun and shoving it back in his pants. He snapped his fingers and Zeke walked up to him nervously, shucking off a backpack and digging through it quickly to produce a tablet. Victor tapped a few buttons and threw it on Nate's chest.

Nate focused in on the video playing on his screen. It was time stamped for the night before and showed his daughter climbing out from under a kitchen sink and entering the basement door a few moments later. Nate cursed, eyes wide as he kept watching, seeing her reappear and leave back down there with a few supplies.

Shit.

Victor snatched the tablet out the man's hands, glancing at it before he passed it back to Zeke.

"You have cameras in my house?"

"Too high to notice," Victor shook his head and walked away, Romero and Zeke following after him. Nate sat up and watched them exit down into the basement, feeling like his whole world was about to come crashing in around him.

Basically, it already had.

* * *

"Aww, look at him," Victor cooed, watching as the lawyer groaned and roused from his sleep, "he's taking a nap."

"So adorable," Romero mocked, laughing when Victor delivered a swift kick to the man's ribs. Barba coughed and gasped, holding his hands up in front of him to try and placate them. He was trying not to do or say anything that would set them off.

Zeke jumped when Victor kicked at him again, running a hand through his unruly hair. He watched as his boss kicked his outstretched hands out of the way and pressed his boot into Barba's throat, forcing him to gurgle and fight for gulps of air.

"Get enough to eat this morning?"

Romero sniggered and looked back at Zeke, trying to get the kid to laugh along with him. How they found this funny or as a form of entertainment, Zeke didn't know, but he didn't want anything to do with it.

Three days away from this mess he put himself in was enough to want to get out. He'd spent his time off speaking with his grandmother and praying at the church down the street from his house, seeking forgiveness and confessing his sins, albeit keeping sensitive, incriminating information to himself. It made him feel guilty.

It made him feel truly responsible for this man's upcoming fate, even if he wasn't going to be the one pulling the trigger. He was along for the ride, but when push came to shove, he would get the blame pinned on him. That's how they did things.

Blame the weak links to save the strong ones.

Victor took his boot of Barba's throat, making him damn near throw up as he gulped down oxygen and grabbed at his throat with his good arm. Spit dribbled down his chin, eyes closing for longer than a few seconds at a time as he tried to roll back over on his side.

"Please…," Barba choked out, still coughing. He looked up through two black eyes, wincing as he maneuvered himself up onto his knees. He sat back on his feet, his left arm close to his body while he raised his right hand, holding it up like he did earlier.

"Let me go," Barba whispered pathetically, feeling hot tears burning in his eyes. His entire body felt so damn weak. It was impossible to keep his eyes open and stop the pain in his arm from consuming him. The pain pills and the food the girl brought him down earlier helped some, but he couldn't help but think that would be his last meal.

The impending sense of death hit him all at once just before he fell asleep on the concrete floor, memories flooding his dreams of the last might he saw Liv in his office. He wasn't quite sure why that was what came to him in a cloudy replay, but it maybe had something to do with the woman herself.

He never doubted she wasn't out there, searching for him. She was damn near unstoppable when she set her mind to things and he knew, deep down inside she hadn't given up on him. Unfortunately, these people were smarter than they let on.

Liv hadn't found him yet and he doubted she ever would. With the way things were headed (he overheard the muffled conversation being yelled upstairs), she probably wouldn't find him alive. It killed him a little, recalling all the missed opportunities that were slowly becoming apparent to him. Chances he didn't take because he let his mind get the best of him. All the feelings he suppressed for the sake of staying professional. What did it get him?

At the time, he thought things would be better in the long run. He wouldn't ruin their friendship or make things awkward, but looking back now, it was painfully obvious she wouldn't have turned him down.

He was going to die with a list of regrets and her name was at the top of the list.

"We're not going to let you go. They paid good money to see you dead and we're going to deliver. They wanted to wait a few more days, make you bleed a bit more, but with an ass load of cops headed this way, that's not going to happen."

Barba's train of self-pitying thoughts was derailed at the mention of the police, his chest filling with hope. Had that girl listened to his pleas for help? Had she gone to Liv like he asked her to? She must have. He'd been missing for how long and a few hours after he asked for help, the police were racing to his location?

Barba got so excited he almost laughed in relief, but the sudden appearance of a sharp pocket knife glinting in the light of the basement killed that immediately. Victor knelt in front of him, getting on his level. He moved closer, letting the blade rest against his cheek and dragged it down, past the stubble, down his throat and ending halfway down his jugular.

It hovered there, scratching his skin before Victor moved it away, dragging it back up his face and towards his eye. Barba tried to stop the shaking and flinching every time the sharp blade scratched his skin, leaving an angry, red mark in its track. He could feel a small trickle of bleed seep down his cheek and down his lips. He could taste copper as he inhaled deeply, trying to contain himself.

"Don't worry…I'm not going to kill you here," Victor said softly, his brown eyes meeting Barba's green eyes, a little wide as he pulled the blade away from his face completely. It disappeared and Barba exhaled, feeling some of the tension leave his body the moment the knife was pulled away from his eye.

Victor glanced behind him and a wicked smile formed across his lips. He winked at Zeke, who was looking pale and like he wanted to run before he turned back and shared the same smile with a fearful Barba.

"But we're going to leave your favorite detectives a little present."

* * *

_December 6_ _th_ _– 4:30 p.m._

Liv jumped out of the police van as soon as it pulled to a stop, racing behind SWAT as they stormed the front and back of the house. She could feel her detectives bringing up the rear, suited up and guns drawn at the ready. Up ahead and behind, cruisers had blocked off the street while uniforms lined the streets surrounding, making sure the neighbors and civilians were staying back and didn't have any weapons they could pull.

Liv clutched her gun tightly, a dark feeling settling in her stomach as they moved closer and stopped on the sidewalk. They watched as SWAT banged on the door a few times before swinging and breaching the door with the battering ram.

The sound was loud and echoed down the street, shaking her to her core. The bang of the flash bang going off followed immediately, smoke billowing out of the door as the SWAT officers moved in a single file line. Liv and Carisi moved further up the front steps while Amanda and Fin ran around the back, making sure every exit was covered.

They waited for the all clear before they were ushered into the house, the room smoky but visible, all four of them meeting in the same room. The house was dirty and it smelled, right off the bat.

The carpeted floors were overrun with dirt and other substances, piles of trash in every corner of the living room. Drug paraphernalia was everywhere, loitering almost every available surface the room had to offer, along with beer cans and empty liquor bottles. Not to mention the number of drugs sitting in plain view on the dirty glass coffee table.

Liv shook her head in disgust and trekked into the kitchen, noticing immediately the old wooden door that Lexi said led to the basement. It had been opened and cleared and Liv could feel a bit of bile rising in her throat when she saw two heavily uniformed SWAT officers walking up the steps and out of their way. Their hands were empty and they didn't say a word.

She wanted to ask if anyone was down there but the words were stuck in her throat that had gone bone dry. Behind her, she could feel Carisi place a comforting hand on her back, pushing her to walk down the stairs.

Her feet moved a fraction of an inch towards the steps, dreading walking down the rickety wooden steps because she knew what she was going to see when they got down there. SWAT officers called something when they saw it. They didn't just walk away empty handed or kept information to themselves. The fact that she could see the armed men milling about, as if nothing was wrong was making her sick.

Amanda noticed it, too. Eyes scanning worriedly about the crowd and she eyed Fin behind her, noticing the man's neutral expression. He knew what was happening, just like Liv did. Amanda placed her hand on Carisi's arm, shaking her head so he could stop pushing their Lieutenant to walk down the stairs. He was confused, even angry for a second and was about to voice it when a booming voice from down a little hallway, separating the kitchen and living room called for a few detectives.

Fin was the first to break off, tugging on Carisi's jacket to follow him and the younger detective did, reluctantly casting Liv a glance before racing after Fin.

"Liv…," she said softly, "Let me go."

"No."

The sternness in her voice almost echoed in the kitchen and the dark-haired woman pushed past her, forcing Amanda to take a few steps back. Liv practically stomped down the stairs, hand still holding her firearm. Amanda followed her down, keeping her distance.

Liv walked around the stairs and came to a stop in the center of the room, her boots clicking on the concrete floor loudly. There was a click and the room lit up from the grimy light bulb swinging above Liv's head. Amanda squinted, taken aback by the sudden presence of light but looked around the room, scanning the small space for anything out of the ordinary.

Liv took a few staggered steps forward, eyes catching something gleaming on the floor. She squatted down, gun dropping on the floor with a loud clang that made Amanda flinch. The blonde stood unsure near the stairs, taking hesitant steps towards Liv.

The woman's back was to her, but there was an unmistakable inhale of shuddered breath and sniffling. Liv wasn't a crier, at least not in front of her squad. Amanda didn't ever think she would or could see the woman break. She was strong, much like herself, but there were some thing's that just got to strong women in ways other things couldn't.

Amanda came to a stop behind Liv, eyes landing on a large puddle of dark blood, seeping into the cracks on the floor. In the center was a gold cross chain, one she'd seen hiding under Barba's unfastened shirts from time to time.

It was his, she knew it and Liv knew it.

He'd been here and they took him. They were too late and the gravity of that was hitting them in full force.

It was quite for a few moments before Liv stood and wiped her nose. She turned and fixed Amanda with a cold stare, eyes emotionless. Her voice was still thick with tears but it was steady and strong as she gave her orders.

"Get CSU down here. Now."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Last chapter was brutal, I know. I just want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this fic. It's turned into my baby and I'm really enjoying writing it. Thanks for reading and sticking in there with it, even if I'm playing with your feelings :D

_December 6_ _th_ _– 4:53 p.m._

"Offed himself."

Carisi looked at the corpse of Nate Havisham draped over the tub, eyes wide open and blood dripping from a bullet wound. Half of the contents of his head was splattered along the wall, brain matter and skull fragments decorating the tub floor. Fin just shook his head and nodded for CSU, who'd immediately come in once the house was cleared to begin investigation.

Carisi left the room, following Fin back down the short hallway just in time to see Amanda waving a few CSU agents down into the basement.

"No Barba?"

Amanda shook her head, waiting for them to pass her by and join Liv downstairs before she turned to Fin and Carisi. Her face was grim and both men knew the news couldn't have been good.

"Puddle of blood. His crucifix is down there, too…," she trailed, "We were too late. They took him."

Carisi cursed and laced his fingers behind his head while Fin hung his, crossing his arms over his chest and letting the news sink in. They hadn't jumped soon enough. Even with all the quick action planning and a shaky, but clear objective, they'd still been too slow.

Which reinforced a theory the NYPD had been investigating for years.

BX-9 had eyes and ears on them. If not on the inside, they were watching them from the outside. They had lookouts and they'd been warned when they'd left the precinct.

"Liv's…not taking it well. She's pissed and upset and…just don't say anything. Let her talk," Amanda said, specifically looking at Carisi. Fin knew Liv like the back of his hand, but Carisi had a hard time knowing when to approach people. He had a knack for wanting to comfort people when they just wanted to be left alone.

Liv wasn't in the right state of mind to receive comfort and Amanda understood. She didn't have the same type of feelings towards Barba, but he was their friend (reluctantly) and she and the rest of them weren't going to stop until they found him.

_Alive?_

That was the question that was going through all their minds. When they did find Barba…was it going to be alive or dead?

Amanda couldn't help but think the latter was going to be the outcome. She tried her best not to think negatively, remembering the dressing down she gave Carisi when he uttered the same kind of idea. She quickly cleared those thoughts from her mind and lead Carisi and Fin downstairs, listening to the reason they were called into the bathroom.

Honestly, she didn't think much of the man. From what she could gather from Lexi, he wasn't an outstanding father. He was a junkie who was too focused on his drugs and not focused enough on the welfare of his own child.

Amanda was going to have to call Lexi soon and break the news. Somehow, she didn't think it was going to be all that heartbreaking for the girl. She'd moved out, in her head at least, a long time ago.

"Jesus," Carisi said out loud, looking at the large puddle of blood, spotting the cross laying in the center of it. He dragged his eyes over to the far-left corner of the room and spotted Liv. She had her head down in her palm, looking blankly at the floor under her feet. The tension was back in her body and it was easy to see. It made her look more ridged and worried; she looked as if the entire weight of the world was bearing down on her shoulders again and her team was powerless to help her.

Fin walked around Carisi and Amanda, shuffling straight up and looking over the CSU techs as they dusted for prints and collected samples. They all watched as one of the techs gently pulled the crucifix out of the blood, the dark matter dripping down into the puddle with loud splats. It was sickening to hear. They bagged the necklace a moment later and handed it off, ready to pass it off into their evidence bag, but Liv charged forward and took it from them without asking.

Amanda waved off the confused tech and simply averted her gaze, waving Carisi over to the shelved walls where numerous boxes sat. They needed to be looked through quickly, just in case, before the uniforms came in and did a full investigation.

Meanwhile, Liv stood still in the center of the room, ignoring the activity around her as she stared down at the bloody gold cross. She ran her thumb across the crucifix, trying to find a connection to him in anyway. The blood was terrifying, coating the immaculate gold, like a reminder that they were too late to save him. He was out there hurting, injured, in pain somewhere and she'd spent too much time talking.

She bit back tears again, wanting to be pissed at herself for being such a cry baby. They had been so close to finding him and they hadn't, so now they had to canvas and do some more work to get him back.

He wasn't dead.

He couldn't be dead.

Rafael Barba was tough and strong and didn't take any shit. She believed he was a fighter and he would fight his way through this alive. He was waiting on her and she had to get _moving_. Liv took one last longing look at the crucifix before she plopped it down in the evidence bag and turned to talk sternly to her squad, surprising them with her renewed determination and vigor.

"Set up a perimeter. Talk to neighbors, see if they saw anyone leave the house or anything suspicious at all. Someone had to have seen something and we're not leaving until we find them. Move out."

Liv made it halfway up the stairs with her crew in tow when an officer rushed into the doorway, calling for her and holding a tablet in his hand. He seemed excited, waving her up and into the living room and pointing at the screen of the electronic device.

"This house is bugged," the officer, Sawyer, said, adjusting his glasses as he walked over to two computers set up on the kitchen table, a tech bent over and typing several lines of code into one laptop while the other displayed several different black and white screens. Liv bent down to get a better look and almost immediately spotted herself moving in one of the screens. She looked behind her quickly before turning back, seeing Carisi, Amanda and Fin walking out from the basement staircase.

"Cameras?"

"Yeah," Sawyer nodded enthusiastically, taking a finger and swiping through several video feeds, "We went to sweep the house for any electronics and our sensors found these hidden cameras in every room."

Sawyer held up a tiny black speck in an evidence bag. It was extremely small, but Liv had seen smaller ones, damn near invisible to naked eye. They were expensive, though and hard to install. NYPD had access to them, using them in investigations or undercover agents that needed to be monitored.

"And you hacked into the feed?"

"Not only that," he said and put the evidence bag down so he could gesture at the tech working steadily next to him, "But we hacked into the IP address of the computer and pulled all the saved data from the cameras. I extracted the video from just before we pulled the data and rewound back a couple of hours…"

Liv exchanged a glance with Fin before she moved to stand by Sawyer, who was tapping away on the tablet. He pulled at the time bar and tapped the play button, a familiar figure showing up on the screen and Liv could feel her heart jump to her throat.

Seeing him in black and white, silent and in obvious pain, was heart wrenching. She hadn't seen him in days and now she was watching him being pushed out of the basement stairwell and towards the backdoor. He had a large bandage wrapped around his arm and two men on either side, pushing him along while a menacing figure brought up the front, holding a gun and yelling orders at them.

The feed cut off as soon as the back door opened and Liv stood back, hand on her chest and feeling like she was going to be sick. Sawyer tapped a few more times on the screen, "Luckily, they installed an outdoor camera just above the doorway."

Sawyer turned the tablet around and showed them shoving Barba into the backseat of a car, two of the men climbing into the front and the other climbing in next to Barba. The whole scene played out in less than a minute and they watched the car peel out from around the house.

"License plate. Start tracking it," Liv barked, a tiny spark of hope in a total fog of darkness that had settled around this entire investigation. Carisi turned on his heel, already headed out to a squad car to run the plate number, Fin following with his phone out and ready to call TARU. They were going to need traffic cams, store cams, anything that could possibly pick up the location.

"Good work, guys," Amanda said, "Since you have an IP address I'm assuming you have a name that came back attached to it?"

"No luck finding anything. Wherever this feed is going and being backed up with, it's secure and not easily hacked. They have all kinds of high tech spyware on this thing. Every Jeremy tries getting in," he pointed back at the tech, "…they shoot him down."

"We're going to have to get the experts in on it. Until then, thank you. Keep combing through those videos and find me anything with Barba in it. The more video evidence we have of him the better. Also, I want close images and facial recognition working _now_. I also want time stamps recorded to the very second."

Sawyer nodded and turned back to the screen, intent to get back on working with the tech. Liv and Amanda quickly made their way outside, spotting Carisi climbing out of a cruiser and Fin barking into his cell phone.

"Put out a city-wide alert and we've got traffic cams in the works right now. The license plate comes back to a Victor Maldonado. Served ten years on a drug charge, acquitted of a first-degree murder charge back in 2007. He's a known boss in BX-9."

"Good," Liv said, cracking a smile at the progress being made despite earlier, "Let's hope he was one of the dumb asses we just caught on camera."

* * *

_December 6_ _th_ _– 6:23 p.m._

Lexi dropped her phone on the bathroom counter and sat down on the edge of the tub, tears rolling down her cheeks but she didn't sob.

Amanda had told her to stay close to her phone and she obeyed, checking it every 15 minutes for an update that hadn't come until just then. When she got back to the hotel room, her grandmother had chastised her for ignoring her texts and calls.

Fortunately, she could lie her way out of it and blamed the loud music in the department store on the fact that she couldn't her phone. She apologized profusely and put on a happy smile, feeling on edge and nervous the entire time they ate dinner and walked through the heart of the city.

They'd only gotten back to the room ten minutes before, intent on resting before going to a late movie that night and ice cream later. She'd been excited about the idea before this entire thing happened. Now? She couldn't even stomach the thought of having a good time.

Her dad was dead, her tip lead the detectives nowhere and now she was a parentless 17-year-old, shoved in the middle of an abduction investigation with a target on her back.

Lexi stared at her reflection in the mirror, wrapping her arms around her middle as more tears continued to fall from her cheeks and onto her hooded sweater. On some level, it disturbed her that she wasn't more upset about her father's death. It was ruled a suicide. Death by his own hand. Instead of feeling sorrow and loss, she just felt incredibly sad for him. She would mourn the loss in a different way from people who'd lost their parents before.

It made her feel terrible, but she couldn't help but feel a sense of relief. For the first time in a long time, she felt like a burden wasn't hanging over her head. The possibility of never having to go back to that house was filling her with something akin to happiness and it was sickening. How could she be like that? How could she be sick enough to be thankful she wouldn't have to go back to that house or see her drug addicted father again?

There was a small knock on the door and her grandmother called for her, excitement in her voice as she read off movie times through the door and commenting on what she wanted to see the most. Lexi didn't hear any of it, staring herself down in the mirror and trying to decide if who she saw was the person she truly wanted to be.

She was a snitch now. She told on dangerous people. Her father was dead and she wasn't sad about it. Lexi wiped her tears on her sleeve and stood up. She fixed her make-up and responded to her still talking grandmother behind the door. She wiped at her runny nose and plastered a fake smile on her face before she opened the door.

This may not be the path she wanted to take, but it was what it was and there was nothing to stop it now. She would have to break the news to her grandmother later when the police inevitably called on her again. She would have to identify the body (thankfully Detective Rollins was able to put that off until tomorrow) and explain to the older woman talking animatedly in front of her that she was parentless and not sad about it.

But all that would come tomorrow. She would deal with the consequences of her choices tomorrow, when things would be better and clearer.

She hoped it would be better.

* * *

_December 7_ _th_ _– 12:07 p.m._

The car came to a stop on a dark patch of dirt by a river. It was a well-hidden patch, the overgrown brush covering it from the darkened road next to it. The road itself looked like it went on for hours and they were in the middle of nowhere as far as Zeke was concerned. They'd been driving for a good four hours, stopping to eat and pick up some more drugs, all while the lawyer was passed out cold next to him.

Zeke subconsciously wiped his hand against his jeans, still coated in the man's dried blood after he'd been forced to staple the long cut on his arm closed and wrapped it with gauze. The screams of pain were still ringing in his ears. The number of times he uttered apologies between the gasps of pain and pleads were going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

" _I'm sorry," Zeke said quietly, ignoring the demands for him to hurry up from the doorway at the top of the stairs. He poised the stapler over the cut again, trying to drown out the pleas for him to stop as another staple was lodged into his skin. The man cried out in pain, hot tears spilling from his eyes as more blood flowed from his arm._

_The staples, although torturing and harsh, were working and reducing the blood loss. It was painful, he understood, but the sooner he got this done, the sooner they could leave and end this poor man's pain._

" _I'm sorry," Zeke whispered again, locking eyes with him before he shoved another staple in, stomach rolling and clenching at the pained grunt through gritted teeth. He was still trying to be brave, even in the face of utter defeat. He knew what was coming. He had to know that Zeke stopping him bleeding was all in vain._

_Whatever they had in store for him was going to lead to his death and nothing could be done. Zeke could see it in the way his shoulders shook as he cried. He could hear it in the half-hearted cries to stop and spare him the pain. Zeke wanted to burst into sobs, knowing he wasn't strong enough to survive this. He wanted to quit and runaway and never look back._

" _I'm so sorry."_

Victor pulled completely off the road, parking next to the patch and flashed the lights twice before turning them off, but leaving the car running. There was a moment of complete silence before two darkened figures appeared from the thick brush in front of a line of trees.

Zeke peered out into the darkness, trying to make out what the two men looked like, but he couldn't tell. They were both tall and bulky, with guns strapped to their hips. Victor and Romero got out of the car, meeting the men halfway. A few whispered words were shared between the two before a loud laughing cut in and flashlights lit up the area.

Zeke strained to hear what they were saying, but the group of men walked further away towards the open patch of land. He glanced over at the still knocked out man next to him, pulling the spare blanket further up his body and noticing his bandages were starting to bleed through again.

There was a sudden flick of light and a roaring fire licked up towards the sky, casting the light over the patch of land they were on. For the first time, Zeke took in the appearance of the two strangers and didn't expect to see what he saw. He gulped as he took in the logo's. Dark pants, heavy jackets and caps on their heads.

Uniforms.

He'd seen those logos before. He was familiar with them as was every BX-9 member. The badges clipped to the jackets shined in the light of the fire as the men stood around it, lighting up cigarettes as they exchanged words, laughing and smiling with Victor and Romero like they weren't sworn enemies on the streets of Manhattan.

These were the very men they were taught to run from. The men in uniform they avoided at all cost. Sure, there were dirty cops everywhere. BX-9 had deals made with the lowest on the totem pole all the way to top of the food chain and everything in between. It was staggering how many cops bought drugs or stole and cheated and lied their way through their everyday activities, but these men looked…different.

"Hey, cabron," Victor called to him from the clearing, waving at the car, "Come out here. Be a man for a second."

There were a round of laughs from the other men, finding his insult funny. Zeke curled his hand into a fist, sitting there for almost a full minute in contemplation. His eyes took in the awkwardly positioned form of the man next to him, watching the way sweat beaded his forehead in his fitful sleep. He turned his head against the door handle, uncaring in his current state of the hard plastic he was resting against.

Zeke slid out of the car finally, closing the door as gently as he possibly could. The car sputtered a few times, the engine desperately trying to stay alive. The long drive they took had taken a lot out of the old beater and he was honestly surprised they hadn't broken down before they arrived. He cast a long look back at the car as he moved through the brush and made into the clearing.

Romero slapped his back, offering him a cigarette to which he declined. He tried not to gag on the smell as cloud billowed out into his face, but his eyes were focused entirely on the two strangers in front of him.

The closer look revealed they weren't exactly police officers. The uniforms were clearly correctional, proudly stating them as officers at Ryker's across their caps. BX-9 had contacts crawling over that place, in cells and out. There was a reason so many of their men on the inside received their packages. Phones, drugs, money…all slipped in by the officers who were sworn to keep them locked in.

"Anyway, did you he give you a lot of trouble?"

Zeke watched as one of the officers, a tall man with brown hair and blue eyes, looked over his head and at the car for a second, licking his lips as he pulled out a flask from his jacket pocket.

"Smart mouth, but we took care of that," Victor said, nodding as the man handed him the flask of liquid.

"Yeah, we've heard he's got a real trap," the other man, who was short and Hispanic. He broke off from the group and stood next to the roaring fire they started minutes ago, squeezing more lighter fluid on the flames. They billowed up to the sky and Zeke took a cautious step back, refusing a drink from the flask being handed at him.

He took after a second glare from Victor and sipped it, forcing the burning liquid down his throat and into his stomach.

"Alright, I want a hole right here," the tall man pointed near a patch towards the river, where the dirt was thick and wet and covered in rocks, "Make it deep but narrow. Give the K-9's an easy job."

Victor nodded towards Romero, who cursed under his breath and reluctantly picked up the shovel closest to him.

"Zeke," Victor called to him, breaking his concentration from Romero shoveling rocks and dirt, "Go wake his ass up and bring him out here."

Zeke nodded numbly, turning back and starting a slow walk to the car. He could steel feel the burning liquid bubbling in his stomach, twisting his insides. He could feel bile rising in his throat as a gun clicked behind him and he turned his head, stopping halfway to the car. He could see the tall officer peering down his sights, checking the gun out as he talked with Victor.

"They want a tongue and a few fingers. Proof that it's him."

"Done."

Zeke's eyes grew wide and he turned back around, his steps stuttering as he shuffled towards the car. The brush under his feet crunched into the cold night air, growing louder the further he got away from the desolate patch of land and closer to the car.

"Send another picture to that one detective. After he's dead of course. They've probably got her phone tapped after you sent the last one so we'll have to bug out quick."

"The money?"

"Transferred as soon as the boss see's the proof."

"Good. Hey, puto! Dig faster. I got shit to do in the morning!"

Zeke swallowed down the puke in his throat, fingers brushing against the cold metal of the car. It was still running, coughing and sputtering as he came to a stop in front of his door. He could see the outline of the lawyer, still passed out cold. He moved while they'd been standing there, the blanket having slipped back down his chest.

His seat belt was still on, keeping him strapped to the seat on the long drive down there.

A lightning bolt struck Zeke in the moment and time slowed down. His hand, that had grasped the handle to the door, slipped and fell limply at his side. He looked to his right, back towards the flames and the men, guns and cigarette smoke and laughter in the distance.

They stood around like they were friends, hanging out after work. They didn't look like they were ready to kill someone and cut out their tongue. This wasn't a movie; this was real life. Real people were about to commit murder and he was about to witness it. He was about to see a man, who as far as he was concerned hadn't done a damn thing to deserve any of this, get his tongue cut out and fingers cut off.

Unless…?

Before Zeke knew it, he was sliding into the driver's side door and slamming it shut. His hand had pulled the car into reverse and his foot pushed down on the accelerator, shooting them out of the dirt and onto the road. The car jumped and groaned, jostling the two bodies in the car briefly as the wheels found purchase on the pavement.

Zeke pulled the car into drive and slammed his foot on the accelerator again, turning the wheel fast and heading in the opposite direction they'd come from, hitting the headlights and propelling them down the unfamiliar street.

The shouts and resounding gun shots jumping off the pavement fell on deaf ears. All Zeke could focus on was the dark road ahead of him, the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the man groaning and sitting up in the back seat of the car.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ok, here it is! The chapter I'm sure most of you have been waiting for! But don't get too excited, now. I'm evil laughing but you can't hear it. ENJOY.

_December 7_ _th_ _– 6:07 p.m._

"It's here!"

Fin jumped and cursed when Carisi practically yelled at the desk across from him. He set his phone down and wheeled his chair around to him, meeting Amanda who'd just been coming out of the break room with a soda can in her hand.

"That was quick," she commented as she popped the tab to her can.

"Sawyer works fast."

Carisi quickly extracted the files sent via private e-mail, unloading them all onto his blank desktop. There was a total of four video files all together, each time stamped just like what was ordered.

"Here's the earliest one. The 3rd, around 3 p.m."

He clicked on the link and the video player took a second to buffer. Fin leaned forward as Amanda bent over the back of Carisi's chair, wanting to get a complete and full look at the screen. A stray thought to call for Liv passed through her mind, and she called for her through the open office door.

The video started, with a view of the car they'd been searching the city for pulling in and backing up close to the door. The three familiar figures got out quickly and moved to the trunk, popping it open and standing over it, effectively blocking the camera from seeing what was inside.

Just a few seconds of the grainy video passed before a familiar person was pulled out forcefully and stood on shaky legs. Barba didn't have the bandage on his arm and he looked less beat up than he did in the first recording of him they saw.

Amanda felt Liv approaching before seeing her first and heard the woman's breath catch in her throat at the sight of him on camera. They all stared at the video silently, watching the events unfold on the computer screen. The last image of the video ended as Barba disappeared down the steps of the basement.

There was a soft ping from Fin's computer and the detective pulled away from the group to check out the notification.

"Open the next one," Liv ordered, propping herself up on the side of his desk with her hands. Carisi followed orders, closing the window and opening the new video file quickly. They watched intently for a few seconds, seeing Lexi appear on the video during the night she mentioned in their meeting, before Fin broke their silence.

"Facial recognition had a few hits."

Carisi paused the video and they all migrated over to Fin, who was pulling the files up on his own computer. The first image struck Amanda like a lightning bolt, physically making her take a step back. Carisi, who'd been standing beside her, immediately looked at her, feeling and thinking the exact same thing as she was.

"Romero Salazar Hernandez, 32, multiple drug trafficking charges, served eight years and was released two years ago on parole."

Amanda let go of a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding, "When was the first video time stamped again?"

Fin and Liv looked at the two, just now noticing the drastic change in their demeanors.

Carisi gulped, "December 3rd, around three o'clock."

They stared silently at each other, silently trying to communicate but Liv broke their concentration, demanding to know just what they were doing. Amanda glanced at her boss, feeling the woman's eyes glaring at the both of them.

"What is going on?"

Liv's hardened voice sent a shiver down her spine and she crossed her arms and bit her lip, thankful when it was Carisi who quietly spoke out into the squad room.

"We…we talked to him."

Liv stood up fully, "When?"

"The same day as the first video," he said. He tried to look at Amanda, but her head was down and eyes concentrated on the floor. He could feel a crushing wave of guilt overcoming his entire body and he could tell Amanda did as well with every passing second.

"What time," Fin said, not asking because he realized what they were going to say before they said it and so did Liv.

"About thirty, forty minutes before the video took place."

Everyone went silent, not needing to point out the obvious. Liv huffed and turned, walking a few steps away from the desk and pressed a hand to her mouth, wanting to stop the angry words stuck in her throat from coming out. An odd sense of rage made her blood boil under her skin, but she was able to calm herself down seconds later.

She knew it wasn't their fault. The fact that Amanda and Carisi made contact with the very men who had Barba, stood feet away from where he was hidden and let them go wasn't on them. They had no way of knowing.

None of them would have.

"Liv, I- "

"Stop," Liv cut Amanda off, waving a hand in the air, "It's not anyone's fault. You couldn't have known."

Fin nodded, softly agreeing with Liv and effectively reassuring the two in front of him. Amanda nodded again and uncrossed her arms, standing a little taller at the Lieutenant's words. She expected to get yelled at, honestly, but she was glad she hadn't. However, the unbelieve amount of guilt both her and Carisi were feeling probably wasn't going to go away for a while.

"Let's look at the next one."

"Victor Maldonado. Face to a name. We got his rap sheet, but we don't have his," Fin flipped to a final picture of a young kid who didn't even have an updated mugshot.

"Ezekiel Sanchez, 14 when this picture was taken, but he'd be about 19 now. Misdemeanor grand theft…kid stole his grandma's minivan."

"We saw him, too. He came out of some brownstone and got in the back. Looked suspicious."

"And scared shitless of us," Amanda said right after Carisi's comment. Liv nodded, looking determined as she patted Fin's shoulder.

"APB's on all of them. I want SWAT knocking down all their doors in an hour or less. Carisi, I want to see the other two videos just to make sure we're not missing anything that could help us."

Carisi nodded and immediately went back to his desk.

"Amanda," Liv called to her and waved her over to the side for a second, "I want you to get a hold of Lexi and put her and her grandmother into protective custody."

"You think they'll need it?"

Liv nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat, "I know they'll need it."

Amanda nodded and pulled out her cell phone, heading off into Liv's office while pulling out her cell phone and unlocking it. Liv watched her go before she pulled up Amanda's chair and sat next to Carisi, nodding as he started the next video.

* * *

 

_December 7_ _th_ _– 3:45 a.m._

Rafael was in serious pain.

More pain than he ever imagined he could be in, but he also felt utter elation at the glorious lights of the city he called home coming closer and closer into view. They were only a few miles away now, about to cross over the state line and back into New York and the only thing he could think about was getting to the 1-6 and out of this damn car.

He thought about directing the kid to the hospital, because the pain in his entire left arm was fucking unbearable, not to mention the rest of his body and his battered face. He could only imagine what he looked like. He knew what he felt like, grimy and dirty and bloody and so unlike himself.

Unlike himself in the external sense. Everything they did to him and put him through didn't break him on the inside like they wanted to do…tried to do. He fought tooth and nail against the little voices in his head and the extremely loud voices outside his head.

Yeah, he'd been scared. Terrified. His impending death scared him in every possible sense of the word. More than once did he spend those lonely, quiet hours in that basement writing out his own Last Will and Testament in his head. He had a list of regrets a mile long, ranging from that one time he lied to his mother about breaking her favorite flower vase when he was eight to the pent-up feelings for Olivia Benson he'd been carrying for years.

Being alone for hours at a time, with nothing but his thoughts to occupy the empty spaces in his mind, left him with time to think about what he hadn't accomplished in his life. It was depressing to think about, but he was resigned to his fate quickly.

Now…

Now he was watching in silence as they crossed over the bridge and into the city, the lights and somewhat empty streets at 4 a.m. bringing him a comfort he thought lost forever. He wasn't nervous anymore, even with Zeke driving per his directions.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, when he first spoke to the young man, he knew that was his ticket out of there. Call it intuition or something else, but Rafael read him like a file. A deep-seated trust formed in between him and this kid through the unpleasant first conversation they shared in the warehouse.

As weird as it sounded, even in his own head, Rafael trusted this kid with his life, literally. They were driving through a city, in a known gang affiliated car and headed towards the 16th precinct. The likelihood that Zeke would be arrested upon their arrival was very high, especially if they saw the hat he'd put on his head halfway through their trip.

"Turn left," he croaked out, coughing into his right elbow. He gnashed his teeth at the sharp pain he felt when he did that and settled for fisting the material of his dirty slacks instead of groaning out in pain.

Zeke looked at him from the driver's seat, eyeing him skeptically as he turned at the green light. They were nearing the precinct, but he wasn't so sure they should have been headed there.

"We should probably take you to a hospital," the teen said out loud, keeping his eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary. If he knew Victor, he had called in for back up and BX-9 would be crawling the city streets for them. The hospital wasn't the safest place for them to be and the precinct was, but Rafael's condition had started to decrease the longer he was awake.

His breathing was labored, he clutched his arm in pain from time to time, even though he was sure the lawyer thought he couldn't see it. He looked extremely pale, sweat beading his brow and wetting the dirty dress shirt collar around his neck.

"No. I need to see her. They need to know I'm still alive," he said, annoyance and anger slipping into his tone. He was starting to become irritated by the worried glances and suggestions, even if he knew the kid was considering his current health situation.

"Here, right here," Rafael all but shouted, pointing erratically as the pulled up on the side of the building. Zeke parked the car on a side street, right behind a line of cruisers. Anxiousness bubbled up in his stomach.

This was the end of the line for him.

As soon as they were in there, he'd be arrested and carted off to jail. Even if he had some sort of strange confidence in the man sitting next to him, maybe even his words wouldn't be enough to help his cause.

He'd played an integral part in his abduction and torture, no matter which way it was spun. It didn't matter if he was standing on the sidelines, trying not to throw up as they sliced his skin open or stapling his still bleeding arm shut…he was going down for this. Victor and Romero and those correctional officers wouldn't ever be found.

It wasn't like he could snitch. Snitches get stitches and in BX-9, it was more like snitches end up in the ground two days later.

Zeke had a moment of apprehension as he realized Rafael was out of the car and limping pathetically towards the side entrance of the precinct, using the wall to help him further along. Zeke had to give it to him. The man refused to give up.

He got out of the car and jogged up next to him, slipping his good arm over his shoulder and helping him up the stairs and through the door, into the lobby where a few officer's milled around silently.

This time in the morning, the precinct was unusually subdued for it being on 4 a.m.

Rafael felt a sigh of relief escaping his exhausted body and he felt finally safe within the walls of a building he visited almost daily. He recognized a few familiar faces, all staring at him now in shock and confusion. He smiled as a few of the uniforms came running over, crowding around him and asking him questions.

"Get a bus down here!"

"Mr. Barba, are you ok?"

"Someone get a hold of Lieutenant Benson!"

"Liv," Rafael felt the name slip off his tongue accompanied by a sudden wave of nausea, overcoming his senses and the sound of blood rushing in his ears drowned out everything else. His legs were turning to jelly right underneath him. Even with Zeke propping him up like a pathetic rag doll, he could feel his body giving up on him.

The next thing he saw was the ceiling of the precinct, the dizzying pattern of the light fixtures dancing in his vision as a few faces crowded over him. He could feel hands slapping at his face and the distant sound of a wailing siren growing closer and closer.

So many faces, so much talking. It was overwhelming him.

From his peripheral vision, he could see Zeke standing over an officer's shoulder, looking nervous and unsure of what to do. He wanted to reach out and reassure him, to tell him thank you and tell him not to worry. He looked so damn worried.

The edges of vision were fading to black, pulling him closer and closer into the land of oblivion, comforting him as he moved away from one reality and into another. There was a sudden, hazy movement that caught his eyes and he looked directly into a familiar pair of brown eyes.

They were so wide with concern and unshed tears, the frantic voice of Olivia Benson calling his name desperately, trying to break the barrier of his failing hearing. He could feel the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile and he whispered her name with the last of his strength before he succumbed to the comforting darkness.

* * *

 

_December 7_ _th_ _– 3:59 a.m._

Liv rubbed her eyes and watched as the clock on her phone changed to 4 a.m.

SWAT did their jobs and knocked down doors with fresh search warrants, tearing their houses up from top to bottom to no avail. A few arrests were made for drugs, but no Barba and no suspects. Fin and Carisi had been on those trips and reported nothing suspicious found in the residence.

Of course, no one who lived there was talking just like they expected.

Amanda had gotten Lexi and her grandmother into protective custody and the two had left the city, back to Lexi's grandmother's home after a quick trip to her home to pack a few more things. Liv felt terrible for the girl, having lost her father and home all in the same day, but knowing the girl didn't real feel all that sad about the situation.

She didn't blame her.

Liv sighed and leaned back in her chair, looking out into the dimly lit squad room. Fin was napping in his chair, feet propped up with his jacket under his head as a pillow. Carisi was face down, head in his folded arms, also napping. Amanda was the only one still awake, munching sleepily on a bag of chips and an energy drink.

She had tried sending them home a few hours ago, knowing they were all exhausted from the past couple of days, but they refused. They knew how important time was in this situation and they were all determined to stay on in case they had a hit or something happened. Of course, their hope had dwindled from earlier.

Liv turned in her chair and looked out her window at the distant lights of the city, trying to take her mind off the image of Barba replaying through her mind in black and white.

He looked like hell. Beaten, bruised and bloodied. They'd tortured him, she knew it. The pool of blood and his cross thrown in the center of it like it was trash…it made her sick to her stomach thinking that he thought he wasn't going to live much longer.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she could hear a small voice, telling her to give up the hope she desperately clung to, telling her Rafael Barba was dead and gone forever.

She could see the headlines and news stories now, playing like a little made up movie in her own world. He could be six feet under right now, dead and buried without a second thought. Or maybe, he was floating down a river, corpse floating in the water waiting to be found behind someone's lake front property.

Liv let a few tears slip down her cheeks and she wiped at them furiously, feeling her heart clench painfully. She turned her chair, making sure she was completely facing away from the squad room and leaned her arms on the ledge of the window. She pressed her forehead against the cool glass, letting her tears flow freely while being keenly aware of any noise that would indicate someone walking into her office.

Fin had been the only one to see her cry or show concern and that was because he'd known her for so long it wasn't funny. Not that she didn't trust Amanda or Carisi, but she felt like she had to show strength for them to keep their motivations high. They were all distraught over this case and she needed to remain calm. If she lost her fight and broke down in front of them, everything was going to go downhill and that couldn't happen.

Not until they found him…

…alive or dead.

"Stop," she whispered to herself, voice thick and she sniffled discreetly, wiping at her nose. The tears stopped and she choked them down. She couldn't think like that, no matter how badly her mind was working against the empty optimism she was trying to feel.

She pulled her head away from the glass and wiped her eyes with her hands, knowing they were probably going to be red rimmed, alluding to the fact that she'd been crying, but there was no stopping it at that point.

She needed to be strong for them, but they knew she was hurting. They weren't so naïve to believe this wasn't a big deal for her.

That was another thing that Liv tried to ignore. The growing list of regrets and missed opportunities with Barba she'd never get to experience. She'd had a thing for him for a while now and it went far deeper than she'd ever dared to dream it would go. It made her incredibly sad that it took him being taken out from under her nose for her to realize those feelings for him and all she longed to do now was to see him again.

That's all she wanted.

She felt like it wasn't ever going to happen.

Especially now, nearing 4:05 a.m., she was really feeling it.

He'd been gone for five days now and the only evidence they had that he was still alive was officially 12 hours old.

A lot could happen in 12 hours. None of them were good or proved promising. Liv sighed and turned back around to face her desk, folding her arms over the printed-out mugshots and camera stills from the bugged house footage they'd received.

She glanced up as Amanda's phone desk rang and the blonde picked it up. Liv watched as the blonde's eyes grew wide and she shot up out of her chair, knocking it away from her and slamming it into the empty desk behind hers. It woke both Fin and Carisi, making them jump at the same time.

Liv sat up straighter as the blonde slammed the receiver down and tore into her office, talking and stuttering over her words, but she heard them clear as day.

"Barba's in the lobby!"

Liv sat still, looking at her like she'd grown a third head and not believing what she just heard. Both Fin and Carisi quickly moved in behind her, asking her to repeat herself. Amanda walked up to the desk and slammed her hand on the wood, knocking Liv completely out of her dazed confusion. She practically yelled in the woman's face.

"Barba is in the lobby!"

There was a half second of hesitation before they all jumped to action, Liv pushing past them out of the office and ran to the elevator, jamming her finger into the button harshly multiple times and forced the door closed quickly.

Amanda started repeating what the secretary told her over the phone after Carisi asked what was said over the phone, but Liv didn't hear any of it. Her stomach felt like it was in her throat and her heart was beating a mile a minute, threatening to slam right out of her chest.

The door dinged and opened quickly to a frenzy of activity. She could see a familiar pair of leather oxfords between a group of officers bent over a body on the floor. Liv briefly glanced at a kid, one of them from a mugshot they'd received but she didn't have time to really look at him.

"Move!"

Liv pushed her way in and fell to her knees, feeling tears threatening to fall again as she finally came face-to-face with Barba, but he was dazed and staring up at her with hazy vision. She looked at the bandage on his arm, soaked through completely with blood. His face was sweaty and pale and his breathing was labored, but he was alive.

"Barba! Rafael, stay with me!"

"Liv…," he whispered her name and passed out a moment later. She slapped him a couple times, unintentionally making contact with the nasty looking cuts and bruises on his face but he didn't wake. The only indication he was still alive was the rise and fall of his chest.

She placed her hand over his heart and kept one on the side of his face, refusing to take her eyes or hands off him. She hoped and prayed to God that this wasn't a dream. If it was, she didn't want to wake up.

"Hey, give him some space," Fin started barking at the group, pushing back the officer's crowding around them and wanting to give Liv and Barba some space. They would all need to clear out anyway as soon as the medics got inside. Amanda and Carisi stepped in to help as well, sending them off to write up an incident report on what they saw because they were going to need it later.

"Excuse me, miss?"

Amanda turned at the sound of a young voice behind her and stopped, instantly recognizing who he was, having come into contact with him just a few days ago. Carisi came up behind her, switching back and forth between the incoming medics towards Liv and Fin and the young kid.

"Ezekiel Sanchez?"

He looked shocked for a second and turned to see the paramedics rushing towards Barba, talking swiftly and working as fast as they could. Liv hovered near by with Fin, watching them assess his vital signs and conditions. Zeke turned back to them, locking eyes with Amanda and then Carisi.

"Yeah, that's me. I know you're going to arrest me, but I want to turn myself in."

Carisi and Amanda just nodded in understanding, not feeling the need to treat the kid like a hardened criminal. It didn't take a genius to figure out how Barba had made it back to the precinct, so they weren't going to throw him in a holding cell like garbage.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be used against you in a court of law…"

Carisi pulled out his cuffs and gently detained him as Amanda read him his rights, all eyes watching as the medics wheeled Barba out of the precinct on a gurney with Liv following, not bothering to give them orders as she left.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And the moment of truth awaits!

_December 7_ _th_ _– 5:37 a.m._

Liv sat drooped in a chair in the ER, hands shaking as she hit the end call button her phone screen.

Her third attempt to get a hold of Lucia Barba was unsuccessful, so she left a voice mail and hoped she would get it sooner rather than later. She knew, through many phone conversations with the woman, that she was a complete wreck, thinking the worst with Liv doing her best to reassure her with a calmness she didn't feel.

They'd taken Barba to the back as soon as they arrived and she hadn't heard a peep yet. The only thing she could get from the nurse after a hefty dose of threatening persuasion tactics, was that he wasn't in surgery. His chest x-rays came back negative for any internal injuries other than a few fractured ribs. That's all she knew so far and that scared her.

All she wanted to do was be close to him. She needed to see him, to hear his voice to know he was truly ok. He looked like hell lying on the hard floor of the precinct lobby and she knew, without a doubt, he had tried to fight back against them, if not with strength then with words. She expected nothing less from him, either.

Liv leaned forward and with her elbows on her knees, resting her face in her cupped hands. They'd arrived over an hour ago and they still hadn't finished with him yet? She made sure the doctors were to report to her immediately after they were finished and they had better follow her orders. She was _this_ close to losing her shit on someone and she'd rather it not be on a doctor.

"Liv."

She looked up from her cupped hands to see Amanda striding towards her, two coffees in her hand and she thanked the her, gratefully accepting the liquid. Amanda dropped down into the chair next to her.

"What's the word?"

Liv shook her head, "Nothing yet. All I know is that he has some fractured ribs but he doesn't need surgery. I don't know what the fuck is taking them so long, though. It's been over an hour."

Amanda nodded, not used to hearing her use such language, but she knew the detective was understanding of the frustration. Hospitals liked to keep them waiting for answers and they'd dealt with this on more than one occasion. It was different this time, though. This time they were here for almost more personal reasons than professional. Especially in her case.

"Well, hopefully he's resting," Amanda sipped at her cup, "God only knows what he's had to go through."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring off into space and in their own thoughts. Liv finally cleared her throat, needing to think about something other than what was happening just down the hall from them.

"Where are Fin and Carisi?"

"They both volunteered to stay back and talk with Zeke."

"Was that the kid standing there?"

"Yeah," Amanda replied, "Looks a little different than the mugshot but I knew right away who he was. Plus, he turned himself in."

Liv was a bit shocked by that fact. The kid was an affiliate in BX-9 and gang members just didn't go and turn themselves in. They also didn't go near police precincts, let alone step into one and they also didn't voluntarily help their victims escape. Honestly, Liv would have expected to feel a familiar hatred bubble in her stomach at just the mention of the kid since he was a part of this entire situation.

But she didn't. He helped Barba and now…maybe he was the missing link to find out how and why this all went down. Why Rafael Barba? Who wanted to hurt him and who wanted him dead? It was a question she'd been asking herself ever since he went missing. Even when the death threats were happening during the Munson trial, she was beyond confused. She knew tensions between the D.A.'s office and Ryker's were high, with correctional officers feeling personally attacked by the public because of the actions of one of their own.

But was Munson being arraigned and going through a trial enough to warrant killing the ADA working it? Something was off to her. There was something going on behind the scenes and this Zeke kid might know just what it was.

"Lieutenant…Benson?"

Both Liv and Amanda immediately stood as a tall, young man strode out into the waiting room holding a clip board. He met them halfway and shook Liv's hand, nodding at Amanda.

"I was told to report to you right after- "

"Yeah, how is he?"

The doctor looked a little peeved at being interrupted but he held his professionalism and sifted through some papers on the board in his hands.

"Well, Mr. Barba has some suffered some rib fractures, but luckily his there has been no internal organ damage. His right arm was broken in two places and we're working on getting that casted for him. The biggest wound on his forearm is a vertical slice that cut about an inch from the bone. There was a good amount of blood loss but we narrowly missed an infection spreading which was our main concern. He's being stitched up as we speak and he will be released into a room within the hour. He does have multiple lacerations and bruises, but those will heal over time."

Liv nodded along and let out a sigh of relief when she realized nothing that happened to his health was beyond repair. He would be in pain and bruised and beat up, but he was going to live and make a full recovery. Amanda patted her back discreetly, smiling when they locked eyes.

"He's asleep right now but I judge he'll be awake in about an hour and a half. We had to put him under for the stitches."

"Thank you doctor," Liv smiled politely and waited until the man left back to the desk before Amanda dared to speak. Her tone was positive and relieved.

"He's going to be fine, Liv," she spoke with a reassurance that Liv felt deep in her body now. He was safe and secure now, getting help and within her reach. Three hours was going to go by fast and she hoped Lucia would get her message before then.

"I know," she finally responded and took the seat she was occupying before, slumping down tiredly.

"Coffee?"

Liv nodded at Amanda's suggestion, closing her eyes and feeling sleep starting to seep into her body and she didn't have the energy to fight it. She slipped into unconsciousness, listening to the sounds of Amanda's boots clicking against the tiled floor. She wouldn't be able to stay in this position for long and she was way too wound up to take a nap longer than ten minutes, but she would take what she could get.

Barba was safe, and maybe now, she could finally rest.

* * *

_December 7_ _th_ _– 5:00 a.m._

Zeke shifted uncomfortably in the metal chair and clutched a styrofoam cup of water in his hand, watching the liquid bounce and tremble with every movement he made.

The silence was deafening in the room but he was thankful for the alone time, even though it was only for a short amount of time. The detectives, Tutuola and Carisi, told him they'd be right back, giving him some excuse about paperwork they needed to get before they were going to question him.

It sounded like bullshit and it probably was. They were more than likely trying to make him sweat. At least, that's what he was told in his training when he first began. He scoffed angrily and his nails but into the cup, leaving half-moon indents.

Fuck his training. Fuck BX-9. He was considered a traitor now. He was wanted and his face was probably being circulated around the city, members on look out to pop him if they see him. Kill on sight. He was a target because he did the worst thing he could have done. No one turned their back on BX-9 and he did just that.

He was happy to be in this small, windowless room with the lights beating down on him. He was safe in this room. He could spill his guts to those two detectives and give them all the information they wanted. He already drove off with BX-9's money load and walked him to safety…why not finish the job?

Zeke sat back as a heavy door to his left opened and the two detectives walked into the room, greeting him softly as they took seats straight across from him.

"Alright, Zeke," Carisi starts, clasping his hands and resting his arms on the table, "We just want to ask you a couple of questions."

He nodded, eyes finding the half-moon marks on his cup. He could feel their eyes scrutinizing him, watching his every move like it was going to give away something. He supposed they were trained to pick up on those subtle movements anyway.

"So…why don't we start from the beginning. How did you get involved in this?"

Zeke glanced over at Detective Tutuola and took a sip from the cup, feeling his mouth go dry at the prospect of having to tell the entire story. It wasn't that long, but it was a daunting task.

But, really, he had nothing but time now.

"I was initiated three months ago and this was considered my first big time gig. They put me with two bosses who were handling the client's request- "

"Client? You have clients?"

Zeke nodded, looking at Carisi who had pulled out a small notebook when he started talking, "Yeah, we take requests from outside clients. Kind of like hit-men I guess."

"Do you know who this client was? Name?"

"No, I wasn't allowed to know that much honestly. They told me second-hand information or what they thought I needed to know. But…uh…. there were some guys form Ryker's last night…I thought that was weird."

"Rykers?"

The two detectives shared a loaded look, almost like they were silently talking with one another without words. He hated when people did that. Too many times was he privy to those types of interactions between people when he wasn't supposed to know something and it pissed him off.

"Yeah. Rykers. Correctional officers. BX-9 has tons of informants in there and not all of them are prisoners."

Carisi wrote quickly, not wanting to miss much of what he was saying, "…ok, let's get back to where we left off. This was your first big gig…"

"Yeah, and I didn't know who the target was. They just called me, told me to meet up with them, they gave me a mask and we took off. Ended up in some apartment building. We paid security to let us in the backway, bribed him to cut footage of us from the cams. Normal routine, is what Romero said.

We waited until Mr. Barba was in his apartment for a few minutes before we went through with it. Knocked a few times and as soon as he opened the door, we attacked him and pushed him around a bit. Then we forced him to come with us. Shoved him the back of the car trunk as soon as we got out of the building, tied up his arms and legs and knocked him out for the ride to the warehouse.

After that, we held him for a day. Kept him locked up in the trunk. Victor sent that picture to that one female detective just to mess with her. The notes said those two were close."

"Notes," Fin perked up at that tidbit of information. He'd been quiet and attentive to what Zeke had to say, but that sent a chill down his spine. If they had notes concerning Barba's work relationships (and alluding to personal relationships as well), then someone had been watching him long enough to observe that.

"Yeah. They have a file with handwritten notes. I'm not sure who ordered it, but they had some guy following him for a few weeks before this even happened. I think they have pictures of him, too, but I've never seen 'em."

"Ok…ok, go on," Carisi seemed to be just as perturbed but kept some face and gestured for him to continue.

"Anyway…we had him in the warehouse for a day before had to move him. Victor drugged him with something…I'm not sure what, but uh, we moved him then to the safe house. Took him down to the basement, they beat on him a bit and then we left. We didn't go back for three days."

"Yeah…we have video footage of you guys showing up and dragging him out of there."

Zeke nodded, remembering back to the gruesome task he had to do before they bugged out. He could still here the screams of agony. He hadn't ever heard someone in that much pain before and he never wanted to hear that again, for as long as he lived.

"Where did you guys leave to? Out of the city?"

"Yeah, New Jersey. We stopped for an hour because Victor and Romero wanted to pick up some drugs and shovels and shit. Then we drove for another three hours and ended up somewhere…Vineland I think? We were in a wooded area and we stopped near a river."

"Is this where the Ryker's officers come in?"

"Yeah, they were waiting for us," Zeke drained the rest of his cup and Fin took it from him, refilling it quickly from the water cooler sitting in the corner of the room. Carisi waited until the kid took a few more gulps of water before he urged him to continue. He was surprised Zeke was so willing to spill on everything, but then the kid had done something that basically casted him out of the gang and that was huge.

"So, they started talking and shit and Romero started digging a hole…and they wanted me to wake Mr. Barba up and bring him out there. And they were talking about how they needed a tongue and a couple of fingers as proof. Then I hopped in the car and drove away. Got back into the city and…you know…"

Fin and Carisi didn't say anything for a good long minute, the room silent with only the sounds of his styrofoam cup rubbing a pattern against the metal table. Zeke didn't need to look at them to know they were trying to process the entire story. Hell, he was still trying to process it and he was part of it.

"Alright…," Carisi said after some time, closing the small notebook he'd been writing in, "…we appreciate your honesty, Zeke. We truly do."

The kid nodded, biting his lip as he finally looked up at the two of them, "What's gonna happen to me?"

Fin leaned forward and rested his arms on the table, "Well, we're going to hold off on booking you and place you in a holding cell downstairs. Based on the information you gave us…it's best we talk to the commanding officer before we proceed with anything."

Zeke looked him straight in the eye let go of the cup to rest his palms on the table. He could feel a trembling beginning in his body, fear that had been simmering beneath the surface beginning to take hold, like a vice grip in his body.

"Don't leave me alone."

Carisi and Fin shared another look, "You think you need protective custody?"

"I don't think…," Zeke trailed, still staring Fin down, "I'm a traitor. I'm a snitch, now. They have my face and name plastered all over the city. I know for a fact the NYPD is crawling with rats…please…I don't wanna die."

Hot tears slid down his face he had no control over. He felt pathetic, sitting in an interrogation room and crying his eyes out, but the fear was real and it was hanging over his head. It was mixing with the guilt and the regret he'd been feeling over the past couple of days.

"Ok…hang tight in here…we're gonna make some calls," Carisi walked around the table and patted him on the shoulder, offering him a little bit of comfort before he left the room with Fin and left Zeke to hide his face in his arms on the table.

* * *

_December 7_ _th_ _– 5:50 a.m._

Liv's prediction about only getting a ten-minute nap was right, but mostly because Amanda shook her awake and thrust a cup of terrible smelling coffee in her hands. It tasted even worse but she was in no position to be picky.

She wanted to thank the woman, but she had her cell phone pressed to her ear, listening intently to whoever was on the other line. Liv rubbed the inner corner of her eyes and then stretched out her back, feeling and hearing the satisfying popping of her spine.

"Liv…," Amanda nodded at her and put her phone against her shoulder, "Carisi and Fin got a full confession."

"That's great," she breathed with a small smile.

"Yeah, but they want to hold off on booking him or even putting him in a holding cell because they think something could happen to him."

"What does that mean?"

Amanda took a seat next to her, "They want to put him in protective custody but they want to keep him on our floor, in one of the interrogation rooms. It's probably against policy-"

"Way against policy," she bit her lip, considering the situation, "Set him up in my office. We'll keep him there until we can get a hold of a DA. State's going to charge him but we can get him a nice deal and hold him in a safe location outside of jail with the right judge."

Amanda quickly relayed the info and hung up, mulling over the simplified version of the load of information the detectives learned. She fully expected the kid to give them something, but Carisi sounded apprehensively overjoyed with what they had now.

"You know Dodd's and the DA are going to find out. They might try- "

"Oh, no they won't. I'll deal with the both of them when the time comes. They're not going to bully me into carting him off to jail just so they could set an example."

Amanda knew Liv was still pissed over the press conference situation, as were they rest of them. It was plainly obvious they were using Barba's abduction as a platform for gang violence awareness, completely manipulating it to their advantage.

She hoped she wasn't going to have to break up a fight between her Lieutenant and Chief in the future.

"You don't have to stay here, by the way. You can head back to the precinct."

"No," Amanda shook her head, getting comfortable in the seat, "That's fine. I'll stay here."

"I gave you an order, Rollins."

Amanda knew that tone and she bit her lip, knowing it best not to argue. In truth, she was torn between trying to be a friend to the woman, with whom she had a tumultuous relationship in the past, and listening to her boss's orders.

"You sure you'll be ok?"

"I think I can handle myself," Liv laughed humorlessly, wanting the blonde woman to leave. She knew what she was trying to do and she was grateful, but she just wanted to be alone for now.

"I appreciate it Rollins…but I got it."

Liv didn't need to say anymore. Amanda nodded, sparing her no word because it wasn't needed. Liv watched her leave until she disappeared around the corner to the exit before she settled back into the chair, getting comfortable with her phone in her lap in case Lucia called.

* * *

_December 7_ _th_ _– 7:02 a.m._

Liv had drifted off again into a fitful rest but woke up with sound of her name being called and a hand gently shaking her shoulder. She heard soft thud hit the floor by her feet and she opened her bleary eyes to see the doctor she spoke to earlier trying to catch her eye.

"Lieutenant Benson," he called again, bending down by her feet to pick her phone up after it slid off her leg and hit the floor. He handed it to her, waiting until she slowly took it back and woke up more.

"Sorry," Liv apologized, blinking a few times to clear her vision and held back a yawn.

"No worries," he smiled and stood back up, "I just wanted to inform you that Mr. Barba is awake, if you wanted to see him now."

Liv was at full attention now, the sleepiness she felt dried up in seconds. She stood up and nodded, following closely behind the doctor as he lead her through the double doors she was barred from entering when they first arrived.

It was a short walk back to a room with the door opened, a nurse nodding at both of them as she walked out.

"He's just woke up so he's going to be a little loopy, but it'll fade the more you speak to him," Dr. Neville walked around her and kicked the door jam free and gestured for Liv to walk through, "I'll be back around in a bit to check up on him."

"Thank you," she said softly, taking a few hesitant steps into the room and waited until the door was completely shut behind her. She could hear the soft rustling of fabric and a little sigh, sending her heart into her throat.

Walking further in, she could see the bed and the blanket covered form of Rafael Barba, looking at the ceiling and blinking his eyes. Had this been any other situation, she would have found the action humorous, but it just left her feeling sad yet happy at the same time.

Her shoes shuffled against the floor, drawing his attention from the ceiling to her. It took him a few seconds before he fully recognized her and a big smile spread across his face. It was a smile she was familiar with and it filled her with so much fucking love it was unbearable.

"Liv," he sighed, moving his right arm from underneath the blanket and holding his hand out to her, "I knew you'd find me."

She didn't say anything or correct him to say he technically found her, and instead, took his hand and shuddered at the touch. He gripped her hand almost painfully and tugged her closer to his bedside, to which she complied. She carefully sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle him or his injuries any.

She sniffed back the oncoming tears, not wanting to turn into an emotional wreck. Barba didn't need to see that she didn't want him to. Liv needed to be strong for him. She knew he had a hell of a story he was going to have to tell them and God only knew what he'd been through.

"Hey," she greeted him, voice thick and breathless while she gathered his hand in both of hers, bringing it closer to her body.

"Hey," he greeted back, eyes glazed over as they traveled over her face. He squeezed her hand a little, still smiling as he said, "I missed you."

There went her composure, straight out the window.

She choked out a mixture between a sob and a giggle, turning her head away from him to press her mouth and nose into her shoulder, trying to calm herself down. She waited till she could feel the tears subsiding in her eyes, thankful they hadn't fallen, and turned back to meet his eyes again. The smile fell a little, but he still looked happy.

"You don't know how much I've missed you."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ok, so here's the thing. I thought about ending it at chapter 10 because it would have been a nice, happy resolution to at least one conflict. However, not all things were resolved and also, I have ideas on where I want to take this fic. So, I'm continuing it. Let me know what you guys think because I absolutely LOVE all of the feedback. Ok, here it goes! FLUFF ahead. Enjoy it.

_December 7_ _th_ _– 7:57 a.m._

"Thank you, Counselor. See you soon."

Carisi perked up as Amanda threw her phone down on her desk and reached for the box of donuts sitting on Fin's. They'd volunteered to stay back while he went and got some rest, deciding on taking turns to leave the office for some sleep, a shower and a change of clothes. He was going to be back by noon and then it was his turn and he couldn't wait.

This case was starting to heat up and now that Barba was in safe hands once more, and they could throw all of themselves into digging down deep into the information they'd been provided.

"Lang agreed to take it to the judge. She said we have a really good shot based off his confession, so that's good news."

Carisi was relieved, looking in towards Liv's office where they let the kid crash on the couch. He'd been asleep within minutes of laying down and Carisi let him borrow his jacket to cover up.

"Good. Kid's been through a lot," he commented and shifted the box over to him to grab his second donut. He desperately wanted a cup of the fresh coffee brewing and wafting through the squad room, but he'd had so much lately he was afraid an addiction was starting.

"Yeah, he's also done a lot," Amanda grumbled, polishing off the rest of the chocolate glaze that smeared on her finger. She wasn't feeling the same amount of remorse towards the kid that she knew Carisi was feeling, but she understood their outlooks were different. She hadn't been in the room with him when he was talking and everything she'd heard was second hand, no matter if it was factual.

"He's just a kid who got swept up. What's important was that he did the right thing."

"I guess," she shrugged her shoulders and took a seat back at her desk.

"You don't think so?"

Amanda looked at him over her computer screen, letting the monitor boot up for the first time since she arrived back in the office. Carisi leaned back in his chair, arms crossed as he waited for a response from her. In truth, it pissed her off a little that he was basically demanding an answer for why she thought the way she did.

"The kid is a gang member. He chose that life knowing what he was getting himself into. Yeah, he saved Barba from a terrible death, but he was still part of the reason why he was there in the first place. I know you sympathize with him, but I would think you would sympathize more with the man we work with on a daily fucking basis."

Her words were harsh. She knew they came out in the form of a hiss, biting and clawing at Carisi because she was so damn tired but also because she was irritated. Had this been any other victim or circumstance, she could have sympathized. He had gone through a lot, from what both Carisi and Fin relayed to her, but he was still a criminal who aided in the abduction of one of their own.

Barba may not have had a badge or a gun, but he was their ADA with whom they've made a difference in the city and the lives of victims. They won when he won and he felt just as much pain as they did when they lost. As far as she was concerned, he was one of them and you didn't mess with one of their own.

She knew Carisi was coming from a good place and knew he felt the same way towards Barba, but she was slightly miffed by the way he wanted to handle the sleeping teenager in their Lieutenant's office. But, she wouldn't tell him that. There was no sense in him preaching towards her when she was running on two hours of sleep. It wouldn't end well for anyone.

"I do," he said quietly. He opened his mouth to speak again, but stopped and closed his mouth. He turned, face blank as he stared into the black screen in front of him. Amanda instantly regretted snapping but didn't bother to recant her statement. Carisi was smart enough to know when to push her buttons and at that moment, it wasn't one of those times.

They didn't talk for a whole hour, staying preoccupied with work until the office door opened hesitantly, grabbing both of their attention. Zeke peeked out, looking meek as he eyed the two of them.

"I have to use the restroom," he spoke softly and Amanda almost had a hard time hearing him over the usual background noises of the precinct. Carisi stood and waved for him to follow, leaving Amanda the opportunity to truly take Zeke in for the first time.

He didn't look much different from the juvenile record photo in his file, which let her identify him so readily down in the lobby just hours ago. He looked older, fitting his age with dark brown, shaggy hair that hung in his eyes. He wore familiar baggy clothing, but it didn't fit the way he walked and talked. He didn't sound like a typical gang member, speaking in slang and cursing every two seconds.

He sounded educated and well-mannered. The way he held himself was with more dignity than all those low-lives and you could tell he knew what respect meant, the way he thanked the detective leading him towards the john.

Amanda knew this kid was genuinely regretful for his actions; she knew because of the way his eyes were cast down towards the ground and his shoulders were slumped. She knew he was regretful, because Carisi wouldn't be so damn soft towards him had he not been.

However, regretful or not, it didn't change what he did.

* * *

_December 7_ _th_ _– 8:29 a.m._

Liv hadn't moved from her spot on the hospital bed.

Her back ached, her eyes were drooping and she had hunger pains so severe, it was threatening to make her vomit. But she didn't want to move. She didn't want to stop the path of her fingers running through Rafael's dirty hair and she definitely didn't want to stray too far unless he woke up again.

After staying awake through the doctor's check-up, he quickly passed out again, not having the energy to speak much less keep his eyes open. She didn't mind, however. Just having him close and out of harm's way was enough for her. He even said, in all his drug induced euphoria, that he wanted her to stay with him and she easily complied. He was going to be lucky if she ever let him out of her sight again.

Liv stretched her back out as best as she could, hand still moving through his hair despite the serious ache developing in her arm. She was going to have to face the fact that she needed to rest sometime soon. A full eight hours of sleep and an actual meal was going to have to come to a point and she was desperate to cuddle her baby, as well. She felt like a truly bad parent for pushing all her duties onto Lucy (who was getting the biggest paycheck of her life after this) and neglecting Noah in general.

More than one phone call ended with him whining, wanting to see her and left her choking back sad tears, something she'd been doing way too much of lately. She wanted to see her baby and she was going to, soon.

Liv's eyes drifted back to Rafael, who was fidgeting in his sleep and groaning. He had an earlier episode that ended abruptly and she wondered what he was dreaming about, but she was sure that was a dumb question to begin with.

There was a part of her that didn't want to hear about what happened. The pain from him being taken and trying to find him was going to stay with her for a long time. Probably for a lifetime, if she were being completely honest. Her love for him went deeper than she realized, and this time apart had only made that realization come to life.

Did he have any clue what she'd been through while he was gone? It was a selfish line of thinking she shut down immediately, but the question lingered in her mind no matter how hard she wanted to get rid of it. There was a simmering anger bubbling in her gut the entire time this had been going on.

Those threats were very real and very much ignored by him. Liv knew the type of person Rafael Barba was, and it was the type that didn't put stock into words. He was a man of action and, unfortunately, that part of his personality had allowed this incident to take place.

"Stupid man," she whispered into the quiet room, the words bearing no ill will. She was quiet after that, her hand moving from his hair to stroke his cheek. Her fingers ran over the scabbed over cuts on his cheek, taking comfort in the sounds of his slight snoring and feeling content for the moment.

About ten minutes later the door to the room opened, creaking a little and making Rafael stir in his sleep and nuzzle into her hand, causing her to smile. Liv looked over as shuffling caught her attention and she almost snatched her hand away from his face at the sight of Lucia Barba hurrying towards the bed.

"Oh my God, my baby," Lucia cried and ran to his bedside. Liv backed away, giving up her space next to him so his mother could get closer.

Rafael woke up at the shrill cry and scrambled away a with a gasp, only to yelp in pain as he moved too quickly. Liv moved to the other side of the bed, calling his name and trying to calm him down the best she could. Rafael settled down, breathing heavy through gritted teeth as he took in his surroundings with narrowed eyes.

"Honey," Lucia said, hands on his face and a few tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Mamí…estás aquí," he finally focused in on his mother, eyes widening a bit in relief when he realized where he was. Liv suspected the painkillers had faded as he slept, because he seemed clearer than he had earlier.

Lucia nodded and shifted so she could sit where Liv once was, talking and crying softly while Rafael did his best to reassure her through the fog of his still waking brain. Liv watched on the sidelines for a few moments, Lucia refusing to let his attention waver as she asked question after question.

Liv smiled at the interaction, the longing to go home and see her boy growing stronger as she watched the scene going on in front of her. Now that his mother was there, Liv felt comfortable leaving, but she knew she would be back later in the evening. There was so much she needed to get off her chest and from the look he was directing at now, eyes focusing in on hers as his mother continued to hound him with questions he gave half-assed answers to, he did as well.

She mouthed to him 'I'll be back' and he nodded in understanding, needing no more further explanation. She squeezed his ankle, wanting one last touch before she exited the room and closed the door behind her, leaving the mother and son with some privacy. Before she left the hospital entirely, she called for security agents to stand guard outside his door for the rest of the time he was there.

It was twenty minutes later that she made it back to her apartment and relieved Lucy for a few hours, despite the sleep still clawing at her being. Lucy insisted on staying, taking in her appearance, but Liv waved it off and promised to call her later.

"Mommy!"

She felt an overwhelming sense of calm the moment Noah jumped into her arms and listened happily as he talked all about the brand new toy Lucy had bought him yesterday when they went to the park together. She nodded, making sure he knew she was listening as she settled down onto the couch in her dirty work clothes. Eventually, Noah stopped talking and his attention was drawn to the television playing some musical kid's program and a few coloring books that were laid out for him that morning.

Liv slipped into a fitful sleep, her body knowing that there was a two-and-a-half-year-old that needed supervision and didn't allow her to slip any deeper into unconsciousness. But, she would take what she could get.

* * *

_December 7_ _th_ _– 12:05 p.m._

"The judge won't see you until Tuesday, so you'll be staying here until then."

Zeke walked through the small hotel room, taking notice of how nice it was. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been in such a nice place. Probably never. He spared the detectives a glance as he ran his fingers along the soft bedspread, taking in the view of the window overlooking Central Park.

Amanda and Carisi stood near the door, watching him intently with Carisi propping the door open with his body. Two uniformed officers stood talking out in the hallway. Zeke peeked through the sheer curtains, his face still grim but feeling safer than he had ever before in his life.

"Can I see my abuelita?"

Amanda and Carisi shared a look before Amanda spoke up, "We can arrange something."

Zeke nodded, eyeing the street down below. Sunday afternoon and it was busy. People shopping, going out for lunch, enjoying their days off from work like normal. Zeke wondered what his life would be like if he was normal like that.

"Thanks," he said after a while. He moved away from the window and face the two of them, making sure they knew he would be grateful for it. There was an awkward silence that followed as Zeke took a seat on the bed, sighing at the softness of the bed. At least he would get a good night's rest. He might as well enjoy it while he could.

"No problem, kid," Carisi spoke up. Amanda nodded once and turned on her heel to leave, expecting her partner to follow, but she noticed his hesitation and raised an eyebrow towards him.

"Go ahead," he gestured towards the elevator and ignored the eye roll she gave him, "Guys, give me a second."

The officers barely paid him any mind and he propped the door open with the duffel bag they let him pack before they escorted him here. Carisi leaned against the dresser across from Zeke and waited until the teen made reluctant eye contact with him.

"I don't want you to worry. You're safe here."

The words were meant to calm him, but the storm of emotions that had been warring inside of his body for the past couple of days only gained intensity. He was safe here. But that wasn't going to last forever. They both knew that and so did the people he once (forced to) called brothers.

They were waiting for him out there. Not even in the shadows, like one would expect them to. BX-9 was not known for subtlety. They were blatant show-offs, loving to take credit for the misfortunes they bestowed upon people, like demented gifts. Hell, they probably had plans in the works for the detective's that brought him here.

It was mistake they didn't even know they made, taking him home. He refused, but they forced the address out of him, trying to keep him comfortable. They didn't know they were giving dangerous people information. Zeke's gaze lingered on the tall detectives face in front of him, his mouth moving but his words fell on deaf ears.

Placating sentences that were old and dry, but he appreciated the gesture.

"…order something for you to eat later, ok?"

Zeke nodded automatically, sensing the end of the conversation and he stayed seated on the bed as Carisi left the room, patting one of the officers on the back, who would be standing guard right outside his door for the next day and a half.

Zeke turned and crawled up the bed, thinking for a split second about a shower, but decided sleep was more important.

He was fast asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

_December 7_ _th_ _– 4:14 p.m._

Liv felt refreshed as she entered through the hospital, weaving through the hallways in the same path she did that morning.

She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, hair up and tennis shoes on because she wasn't planning on going back to the office at all that day. She called Carisi and Finn, telling them to head home for the rest of the day and to relay the information to Amanda, who was probably face down in her bed, passed out like Liv had been only two hours ago.

She was lucky enough that Noah took an extra-long nap and she was able to fall into a deeper sleep until he woke her up, complaining of hunger. Liv smiled to herself, clutching the small, folded piece of paper in her jacket pocket, remembering back to the conversation she had with her baby a little after she came home earlier that morning.

" _Mommy, where you go?"_

_Liv chuckled at the question and rubbed her eyes, shifting to lay on her side on the couch so she could face him better. He sat on his knees on the floor, running a toy dinosaur along the edge of the couch, making stomping noises while she ran a hand through his hair._

" _I've been working, sweetie."_

" _Why?"_

_Liv contemplated just giving him a generic answer, but the words were coming out of her mouth before she could even stop them. She didn't go into a graphic detail or drag any explanation out because he didn't seem all too interested in her answer to begin with. But she gave him the basics, mentioning Barba and the fact that he was hurt and in a hospital._

_Noah scrunched up his face, "He ok?"_

" _I think he's starting to feel better," Liv said, feeling sleep pulling at her again. She'd been dozing on and off for two hours now, most of her time spent thinking about the man in the hospital and paying attention to her son's antics around the apartment._

" _I draw him a picture and he feel better?"_

_She smiled, "Yeah, baby, I think he'd like that."_

" _Ok!"_

_Noah stood up and dashed towards one of the opening coloring books he abandoned earlier, reaching for a very word down blue crayon and flipping to a clean drawing of Simba from The Lion King._

She had to promise Noah ten times that she would take him the picture and that she would "kiss his boo boo's" to make him feel better. She lied about the second promise, laughing as she did so, but she definitely planned on giving Rafael the picture. Maybe, she would talk him into pinning it up in the room and she had a feeling he wouldn't say no to that suggestion.

"Lieutenant," a voice called to her and she turned to see Dr. Neville waving at her. She smiled politely, letting him catch up to her, "I was hoping to catch you again."

"What can I do for you," she continued walking, turning a corner and giving him half of her attention. She was almost to Rafael's room and she was eager to see him again. Hopefully, he would be awake.

"Well, I spoke to Mr. Barba earlier and barring any further incident, he should be ok to be released on Wednesday. I will need him to remain here for a full two nights due to policy, but he should be making a nice recovery."

Liv was relieved to hear that. Honestly, she hadn't taken into consideration that his injuries could have been life threatening, too focused on him being back in her eyesight and safely tucked away in a secured hospital room.

"I'm glad. Thank you doctor," she gave his arm a squeeze and bid the doctor a goodbye, feeling a little bad she left him standing in the middle of the hallway, but room 309 was calling to her and it was just down the hall now.

She forgot her badge, but it wasn't an issue. The security guards standing outside of the hospital door knew who she was and even opened the door for her after knocking firmly. She thanked them and walked into the room, noticing the light was on Lucia Barba was fiddling with a television remote.

"How do you work this damn thing?"

Lucia looked up from her struggle and smiled, throwing the device on the couch and quickly pulled Liv into a huge, motherly hug. The Lieutenant froze for a second and then returned the hug, locking eyes with Rafael who had a small smile on his face but rolled his eyes.

"Olivia, sweetheart, I just wanted to thank you. You don't know how much everything you've done for my son means to me," the woman spoke softly in her ear, rubbing her back in comforting circles. Liv was grateful for the words, needing them and she didn't realize she did.

Lucia pulled away cupped her face, taking a good look at her face, "It's no wonder why my Rafi has a crush on you."

"Mamí!"

Liv bit her lip, a blush staining her cheeks as Rafael's smile fell and he covered his eyes with his right hand, shaking his head in embarrassment. Lucia winked at her privately as the door to the room opened again and friendly, smiling orderly trekked into the room with a tray and set it up on the swiveling stand attached to the bed.

"How are you feeling," Liv finally slid up to the side of his bed and took a seat, watching the blush fade from his cheeks to look at her with a sleepy, pained look.

"Better," he sighed, watching as his mom took the lid off the tray to scrutinize the food. Rafael look amused as Lucia picked up the fork in one of the slots and poked around the grey looking meat with a disgusted expression on her face. He turned his gaze towards her and let his fingertips graze hers, "How are you feeling?"

"What are you talking about," she asked, confused.

"I may have been high off the painkiller earlier, but I remember you looking like shit."

"You're so charming," she teased. He winked, opening his mouth to retort but an offended gasp from his mother stopped him. Lucia threw the fork down on the tray and covered it back up, taking a sip from the cup of water that sat at his bedside.

"There's no way you're eating this slop. I don't know why they would feed anyone this crap, it's not even edible! Pendejos…Olivia, have you eaten? Are you hungry?"

"Oh," Liv waved her hand politely, smiling, "I'm fine. Really."

"I'll pick you up something. I hope you like Cuban food," Lucia patted her arm, damned and determined as she put on her coat and snatched her purse from the sofa. Rafael just shook his head, silently apologizing to her but she found it amusing. She needed to laugh anyway.

"Ok, baby," Lucia stopped by her son's bedside and bent down, kissing his temple tenderly, "I'll be back in under an hour if the traffic isn't terrible."

Lucia rubbed Liv's arm in passing, bidding them both a goodbye as she quickly left, but not before asking and then telling the two security guards if they were hungry and that she'd bring them back something as well.

"Your mother is quickly becoming one of my new favorite people," she joked and boldly entwining their fingers like they had earlier when he was still coming off the drugs. She was a bundle of nerves initiating it, but relaxed when he squeezed her hand and smiled softly at her.

"Oh? You like her more than me?"

"Possibly."

"Hey!"

Liv laughed and leaned down, pressing her lips against one of the many scabbed over cuts on his cheek. He froze under the contact, but she realized it was a good kind of reaction based off the goofy smile on his face. She couldn't resist it, so she leaned down and pressed another one closer to the corner of his mouth.

"Man…I need to get abducted more often."

Liv, despite the terrible joke, smiled and lightly tapped his shoulder. He knew it was in bad taste, the way he was poking fun about the very serious and traumatic experience he just went through, but Liv understood it as a coping mechanism. She'd known him long enough to be able to decipher the odd humor behind the words.

"I don't think so."

Rafael realized the statement was odd as soon as it left his mouth, "You're right. It's not all that fun."

Liv's eyes trailed over his face, taking in the sight of his cut-up face yet again. She didn't even want to look at his bandaged arm or imagine the bandages wrapped around his midsection to set his broken ribs. The weight of what he truly went through hadn't hit him yet and, most likely, wouldn't until he was released from the hospital. And she planned on being there for him when reality did hit.

"I can't imagine it was," she looked down and watched her thumb trail a path over the skin of his knuckles. They were quiet for a few minutes, enjoying the silence and being in each other's company without the worries of the past couple of days hanging between them. There were definitely things that needed to be said, though, and Liv was finding it harder and harder to keep it to herself.

She thought back to earlier, thinking about the conversation with Noah again and suddenly remembered the folded-up coloring page in the pocket of her jacket. She pulled it out with her free hand with some awkward maneuvering, not wanting to let go of his hand just yet.

"Noah colored a picture for you…to make you feel better," she unfolded it with one hand and held it up, smiling when he laughed at the blue and orange crayon scribbles that decorated the page, along with a few a few stickers and his name, handwritten by her in the corner.

"I'm starting to feel better already," he unhooked their hands and grabbed for it, bringing it closer to his face with a soft smile, "That little guy…he's something special."

"He is," she easily agreed.

"He's lucky to have you."

He reached for her hand again, tracing the skin with his thumb before he linked them together again and said, "I'm lucky to have you…"

Liv sucked in a breath and her heart fluttered, his eyes showing nothing but complete honesty and another emotion she wasn't sure she was seeing correctly. Those five words he just said alluded to something deeper and it was threatening to make her head spin.

Rafael kept his gaze trained on her, almost as if he was waiting for her to spill whatever it is she'd been holding back. And she fully planned on doing so because he needed to know and he gave her the opening she needed in order to so.

She closed her eyes and pulled their joined hands into her lap, folding her other hand around his wrist, trying to feel more connected to him while she thought about what she was going to say.

"…my life has been a living hell these past couple of days," she blinked, trying not to break down again. She was sick and tired of crying, "and I don't want to begin to imagine what you've been through. But I felt this way because I realized that you had no idea just how important you are to me."

"I did," he said quietly, squeezing her hand gently in support.

"But I mean…in a way that goes beyond friendship. What I feel for you…goes beyond that and I'm just so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry that it took something terrible happening to you for me to realize it…I was so stupid."

Liv's hands trembled in his grasp and his heart clenched in his chest. Despite her best efforts, a few tears slipped from the corner of her eyes, falling onto their joined hands. She couldn't be bothered to wipe them away, feeling like a weight was lifting off her shoulders after sitting there for so long. She felt so light now, especially with the teary eyed, grinning man lying next to her.

Meanwhile, Rafael's heart was about to beat out of his chest knowing that the feelings he'd kept hidden for so long were reciprocated. Granted, the location wasn't what he thought it would be when he first confessed his feelings for her and he also hadn't said it in a way he hoped. But it was done and there was no more hiding behind a little façade any longer.

There was just one more thing left for him to do.

He grunted in pain as he leaned up a little and Liv was quick to try and push him down, but he powered through it and pressed his lips against hers, finally. He was only able to stay in that position for a few seconds and, unfortunately, had to disconnect so he could lay back against the bed. Liv winced as he tried not to moan and helped him settle again, adjusting the pillow under his head more comfortably.

"That wasn't as romantic as I hoped," he said, cheeks staining red and Liv thought it was beyond adorable. She could feel her own cheeks heating up as well, but not from embarrassment. She stroked the side of his face, looking down at him with a loving gaze.

"It was perfect," she whispered and took charge, leaning down to kiss him again. This time, it lasted longer than a few seconds.

* * *

_December 7_ _th_ _– Time Unknown_

He panted as he stopped to catch his breath and slid the gun into the back of his pants, grimacing at the feeling of the cold metal against his hot skin.

He'd been running for close to an hour now, in shape enough to be able to handle that type of activity until he spotted this little gas station off a side road. He felt dirty and disgusting, having spent so many hours crawling through the dirt, hidden to escape the growing crime scene and using every method he could to throw off the scent of the dogs scouring the vicinity.

He was able to hunker down in an old barn, undetected in the support beams until night fell and then he took off on foot. He was thankful he finally found this place.

He slowly moved behind the building, peeking out just enough to see the almost abandoned parking spaces, lit up with giant lamps that illuminated the road signs just across from the entrance. From his position, he could see a gas station attendant speaking with a young woman who looked to be purchasing a few items. There were only two cars in the parking spaces, one of them running and he knew an opportunity when he saw it.

The young woman began to exit the store, leaning against the door and laughing audibly with the man behind the counter still. He pulled out his gun again and smiled predatorially, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

He needed to get back to the city before morning. He had people to talk to, traitors to track down and unfinished business to settle…


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This one was such a doozy to get through, but I know where I want to take this story. Thank you to everyone who is enjoying this so far. It means a lot that people are liking it and reading it and I love receiving all the comments. Thank you! Enjoy this chapter because next chapter is going to be a time skip.

_**Time Unknown** _

_Rafael choked on a breath as he woke up in his darkened room._

_He was sweating profusely, his gown sticking to his body and the bandages feeling slick and wet against his injured skin. He shifted, wincing as a sharp pain assaulted his senses, drowning out the low hum of the monitors next to his bed._

_He stared up at the ceiling, mentally drained as he tried not to focus on the lightless environment surrounding him. The small sliver of apprehension he couldn't help but feel inside was mentally and emotionally draining. The cover of night wasn't comforting to him anymore._

_It was at night when things first went to hell. Alone in his apartment, he was taken off guard with a knife to the throat. Then, he was alone in a car trunk, where he was pushed around, talked down to and drugged, forced into a hazy land with terrifying visions of what his fate was to hold. And then he was alone in a basement, a place that simultaneously gave him hope for living and gave filled him with despair at the thought of impending death._

_He was a night owl before this. He loved to be up late, cradling a cold drink in his hand while he worked or simply hung around his barely used furniture before crawling into bed, falling out for no more than five hours at a time._

_The dark wasn't his friend any longer._

_It was the enemy that allowed these invisible, threatening people (with whom he never truly believed deep down) to take advantage of him in a vulnerable place. It was that stubborn stupidity of his that allowed this to happen in the first place._

_Rafael felt tears welling up in his eyes, and he let them fall down the sides of his face and into his sweaty hair. Alone, in this dark room that he didn't trust, would he allow the tears to fall. He didn't want to bear the thought of someone else seeing him being weak. He had far too many of those moments in the past couple of days._

_Closing his eyes, he let a strangled breath escape his throat and turned his head to the side, trying to find some comfort in the pillow under his head. It smelled freshly washed, even if it mingled with the smell of his own perspiration. He briefly wondered if when they changed his bed linens in the mornings, after he was discharged, they would be stained with dirt and blood. He hadn't received a shower yet and he felt sorry for whoever had to wash the sheets he currently slept on._

_His thoughts wondered to Liv, remembering she was going to pick him up in the morning so he could attend the private meeting with Zeke. He hadn't seen the young man since the night they both escaped and he was eager to. The kid saved his life…certainly something he didn't have to do, but he did._

_There was a sudden, loud scuffling in the corner of his room and Rafael turned his head to look, eyes wide and fear making his heart seize in his chest. But his vision was blurred when a hard hand shot across his face, the stinging of the slap or punch or whatever it was, made him choke on a terrified scream._

_Hands, so large and strong, wrapped around his neck and heavy body landed on his, straddling his legs and baring down on his throat._

_Rafael flailed, desperately trying to find any sort of oxygen, but even if he could find any, it would escape him at sight above him. A familiar face, half visible in the light shining through the window from the lamp post outside, hung above him. There was a gleaming smile, dripping blood falling in rivulets from the man's mouth to his chest. He could feel the mixture of blood and saliva seeping into his gown as he continued to choke, growing weaker and weaker by the second._

_It felt like an eternity before his eyes began to shut slowly, the burning pain in his chest dying as his brain shut, vision slowly fading to black, with the lasting image of the figure looming over him burned into his memory. He felt the shifting of the body on top of him and harsh breaths splaying over his red face._

" _Watch your back, Rafi."_

_***_

Rafael sprung up, hand clutching his throat and chest and effectively scaring his mother out of a deep sleep she'd been in on the sofa. His left arm had been put in a sling and casted, making it immovable against his body and that proved to be a good thing.

"Rafi? Sweetie, are you ok?"

Lucia stood up quickly and moved to his bedside to turn on the lights. Rafael breathed harshly, trying to calm himself from the nightmare he just woke up from and almost failing miserably. He could feel a sob bubbling up in his throat, but he swallowed it because he didn't want her to see. The last thing he needed his poor mother to worry about was the state of his emotional and mental health.

Nightmares weren't a good sign, especially ones so vivid and real. He could still feel the phantom hands wrapped around his neck, choking him to near death like in his dream. And the face of the person hovering above him…

"God, you're soaked. I'm going to get the doctor," Lucia wiped her hands on the blankets, intent on winding her way through the hallways to find someone who could help. Rafael stopped her in her tracks, doing his best to reassure her that it was a dream and nothing else.

She looked ready to argue, mouth open and fists on her hips in a pose that immediately brought him back to his childhood, but he all but pleaded with her to listen to him. She backed down a bit, shutting her mouth and crossing her arms over her chest, telling him to get on with it.

"Mamí, it was just a harmless dream. I'm fine. I'm getting discharged today and the last thing I want is for them to find another reason to keep me here."

"Rafael…," she trailed, voice breaking a bit as her arms fell pathetically to her side. He knew that she knew he was lying to her. He wasn't fine; he couldn't be fine after such a real dream like that, but he was going to suck it up and move on. He was going to learn to live with the lasting consequences of what happened to him because that's all he could do. He couldn't have a doctor or his mother or even Liv babying him every step of the way through his recovery.

It wasn't going to happen.

"Mamí, trust me. I'm fine."

Lucia stared at him for a good long while before she nodded and laid back down, making sure his pillows were fluffed up and the temperature in the room was lowered so he could cool off. She kissed his sweaty forehead, hit the lights and covered up with the hospital provided blanket, falling into sleep easily and unlike himself.

He stared at the ceiling the rest of the night and into the morning.

* * *

_December 9_ _th_ _– 8:01 a.m._

Liv walked into the room to find Rafael staring blankly at the wall in front of him, Lucia shuffling around the room and humming a song as she hauled two full gym bags of clothing from his apartment onto the couch. He already had changed out of the hospital gown, wearing jeans and a sweater Lucia must have picked up for him sometime yesterday during her absence.

She spotted the large bouquet of colorful flowers and chocolates her squad dropped off yesterday during their visit. Barba begrudgingly accepted the hugs from Amanda and Carisi and gladly took the offered hand from Fin. They were all happy to see him awake, throwing glares and insults like he normally did. However, there was something off about the entire meeting that Liv hadn't pin pointed.

There was no doubt in her mind he felt uncomfortable with the interaction. Every time the door to his room opened, there was a split second of fear that seized his muscles, making him tense up with glazed over eyes. Only after he got a good look at who the intruder was did he calm down enough to relax back into the mattress of his bed. The first time she noticed it was when the doctor made his rounds and she bit her tongue to keep from speaking about it.

She didn't want to rat him out in front of the doctor because she knew how he was.

"Good morning," she passed him a steaming cup of his favorite coffee, taking a fifteen-minute detour just to pick it up for him. The look on his face was a cross between absolute love and genuine desire as he grasped the cup in his hand and stared at it for a second before taking a huge gulp.

"You have no idea how good that taste," he sighed, resting the cup to his chest and looking at her gratefully. She wanted to lean in and kiss him, but she suppressed the urge as Lucia came around the bed with a pair of worn out tennis shoes her hands.

"Ok, honey, give me your foot," Lucia grabbed for one of his legs and he gently shook her off, looking embarrassed and annoyed.

"I can put my own shoes on, mom. I'm not two."

Lucia scoffed, obviously having heard this argument more than once if Liv had the woman figured out yet. It honestly amazed her how much Lucia was willing to go through to ensure her son was comfortable and had everything he needed. Even if he was a grown man who was fully capable of taking care of himself, she still did her best despite him telling her she didn't need to.

She admired the hell out of the woman, that was for sure.

"Meanwhile, I was dressing him until he was 12."

Liv couldn't stop the laugh that escaped her at Lucia's comment thrown over her shoulder, causing Rafael to just shake his head. He expressed the fact that he'd been embarrassed by her so many times within a twenty-four period, he didn't have the energy to blush anymore.

He glared at her half-heartedly, knowing there was something humorous about the way his mother was so easily offended. His little smirk raised the corner of his smirk as he slid off the bed and dropped the pair of shoes in front of his feet.

"Ready to get out of here?"

"Yes. I want a hot shower," he looked up at her as he struggled to shove his feet into the shoes. Liv watched him for a full minute struggling before she knelt and held onto the shoe for him. He grumbled above her but didn't say anything.

"Well, I hope you don't mind kid's shampoo. Unless you want to smell like cherry blossoms."

Lucia found some humor in her comment, although she knew the woman was a bit sad that Rafael had declined to stay with her. The doctor mentioned how the first few days were going to have to be assisted, so he could assimilate to not being able to use his left arm while it was still healing in a sling. Beyond that, he was going to have to have help changing his bandages because it was damn near impossible to do it himself in his state.

Liv offered for him to stay with her, urging him to for reasons that were bigger than the injuries he sustained. She wanted, no, _needed_ , to keep an eye on him. She wouldn't say that was the reason why, because she didn't want him thinking she thought he was uncappable of being by himself. The mask he was wearing since Carisi, Amanda and Fin had visited him yesterday was telling her that what happened to him hadn't broken him. It appeared when they tried to treat him like a victim, using soft words and platitudes that they used on the unfortunate souls they helped seek justice.

He couldn't hide from her, though. Liv was almost positive that was why he readily agreed to stay with her, only thinking about for a few quiet seconds after the question was spoken. She was elated he agreed, the anxiety she was feeling about him being released after only two days in the hospital dulled at his acceptance to her offer.

"I'll take the kid's shampoo. Hope Noah doesn't mind."

"He asked if you could sleep in his bed with him. He was upset when I said no. Somehow, I don't think he'll mind too much."

Rafael laughed and his traveled to the coloring book page Liv brought for him just a few days ago. She had caught him staring at that oddly colored Disney character from time to time throughout the day yesterday. A fond smiled played on his lips before he would snap out of whatever thought he was stuck in to talk to her.

She watched as he reached over and carefully peeled it off the side of the bed railing, folding the tape over the edges before he neatly folded it and shoved it into his jacket pocket. Her heart fluttered at the action.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to go check on your discharge papers and use the restroom, ok? I'll be back in a bit."

Rafael nodded and let the woman kiss his cheek. Lucia squeezed Liv's arm on the way out, leaving the two of them alone in the room as soon as the door closed. Liv moved to sit next to him on the bed, grabbing his hand and locking their fingers together.

"You ok?"

"Yeah…," he trailed, looking down at their locked fingers, "I didn't sleep much at all last night."

"Not tired?"

"Not really."

Liv nodded, letting the fingers of her free hand trace over the raised veins on the top of his, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Rafael sighed, knowing what she was saying without her actually saying it. She knew he was going to have nightmares and he wasn't going to be able to hide it from her.

"My mom called you, didn't she?"

She didn't say anything, choosing instead to rub his arm rather than answer. Lucia had called her early in the morning and expressed her concern over the phone. Liv did her best to calm the woman down, not surprised at all hearing about his odd behavior. It was to be expected.

"I know you want to help me, Liv," he said quietly, drawing her attention, "But I don't think I'm ready to talk about it quite yet."

And she understood that. Even if she didn't like that he didn't want to confide in her just yet, she would allow him the time to come to terms with it. She just hoped that these nightmares he was going through wouldn't stay. She didn't like the thought of them plaguing his sleep, because she knew vivid nightmares like that could ruin the waking hours.

She'd gone through it with William Lewis…and she wouldn't wish it anyone, especially him. He didn't deserve that.

"You can talk to me when you feel like you're ready. No pressure," she spoke softly to him, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek before their lips locked together in a more passionate one.

"Thank you."

Liv smiled and rested her forehead against his, feeling so close to him and savoring it in the calm quiet of his room. They sat there like that until Lucia arrived, nurse in two to sign his paperwork so he could leave. Once in the squad car she drove over, they held hands all the way back to her apartment and Lucia didn't comment on it once.

* * *

_December 8_ _th_ _– 10:26 a.m._

Zeke twisted his wrists in the cuffs uncomfortably, his nicest shoes scuffling against the tiled floor as he sat next to Detective Tutuola. The man paid him no mind, too busy in his own world as he stared out a window overlooking the busy street in front of the court house steps. They hadn't spoken since they arrived but Zeke found himself oddly comfortable around the stoic detective. He also appreciated the silence rather than the forced small talk.

He shifted in his seat, crossing his ankles underneath the bench as he leaned back and looked down the long hallway. He expected to see more people milling around a court house, but it was a Tuesday and there might not have been a lot going on around there. However, Zeke hadn't ever been in a court building. These were places he was taught to avoid, so he had no clue what the norm was.

"You sure you don't want an attorney? They can get you one."

Zeke shook his head no again, a little taken aback by the sudden question coming from the man across from him. He was facing him now, hands shoved in his coat pockets as he leaned against the wall by the window. Zeke looked away, feeling uncomfortable under the scrutinizing gaze.

"Why?"

Zeke brought his cuffed hands up to scratch his neck where the itchy material of his dress shirt rubbed against his skin. He had the sense to pack the shirt when he was allowed to gather some of his belongings a few days ago, thinking it would come in handy. Plus, his abuelita, who hadn't been able to see, was always quick to remind him to dress his best in situations where he was meeting someone important. First impressions were important.

"I don't need one," Zeke replied.

Fin stared at him, almost looking like he was trying to get a read on him or spot the lies he was telling, but Zeke knew the man wouldn't find any. He was through with the story telling and the lies. He was going to be honest till the day he died after this.

"That's pretty ballsy considering an attorney can help your case."

"I don't deserve to be helped."

It was quiet on that side of the hall but Zeke didn't look up to know who the detective was looking at him. That answer probably wasn't what he was looking for but that's all he was going to get.

Those words came to him last night as he tried falling asleep in the comfortable hotel bed provided to him. When Detective Carisi stopped by the room yesterday morning to speak with him, he casually brought up the suggestion he think about it. Zeke thought it was odd the man was being so helpful and trusting towards him, but he didn't exactly question it. The more people he had in his corner the better, he supposed.

But that still didn't mean he deserved any help.

"What's your deal, kid? You could be going to jail for the next twenty years of your life and you're ok with that?"

Zeke didn't have an answer ready for that question. He moved his mouth to try and form words but he gave up and just looked back down at his clasped hands. He wanted to get this over with so he could learn his fate and move on. Hopefully, he could avoid jail for a little bit and just move out to Iowa under witness protection. It would be safer than staying in the city, but then again, he didn't deserve special treatment.

"Sarge."

Zeke turned to see Carisi and Rollins making their way down the hall, a tablet in the man's hand opened on a screen he couldn't see from his angle.

"What's up," Fin answered but didn't move from his post. Carisi swerved over to the bench where Zeke sat, tapping away at the screen before he spoke to him.

"A news report out of Vineland, New Jersey came in this morning. Three bodies were found on a backroad next to a pond outside of a golf course. Shot to death. Two of them were wearing Ryker's uniforms."

Carisi turned the tablet over in his hands, showing three pictures of familiar faces. Zeke took them in, immediately recognizing Romero's stupid grinning mugshot right off the bat. He had to recall back to that night in order to properly identify the other two. He nodded in affirmation, not needing to tell the detective those were the two involved.

"What about Victor?"

"They only found three bodies. Which means, he's at large."

Zeke bit his lip, suddenly feeling incredibly exposed and unsafe. If Victor was out, there was no doubt he was going to be knocking down every door in their neighborhood looking for him. There was also a good chance he was going to be looking for that Barba guy, because there was a lot at stake for not delivering. Zeke realized the detectives in front of him more than likely didn't realize that.

"He's looking for me…," he trailed off, looking between Carisi and Rollins, "…and he's looking for your friend, too."

"How do you know," Amanda stepped forward, on high alert at the words tumbling from his mouth. Zeke swallowed the lump in his throat, doing his best to prepare himself. He hadn't given them the intricate details about BX-9 because they didn't ask for it, but now, he was going to have to give them the run down. He hoped they listened.

"Victor is on a different level. He's a Captain in the gang. He has underlings that report to him and he bosses around. But he reports to the second tier, who they call the Colonel's and they basically handle all incoming business deals. Then, the General's at the top are the ones who sit on the money and look pretty."

"It's like the military," Fin commented, looking extremely interested now.

"But you said this was an outside client that contacted them," Carisi slid the cover back over the tablet and pulled out a notepad at Amanda's urging.

"Yeah. Someone had a connection and called, set up for your friend to be killed and paid good money for it, too. That's how they work."

"Is there any way we can find out who called? Do you know anyone that can help you out with that?"

Zeke scoffed and sat back, shaking his head at the woman for even suggesting he call someone. They had their men crawling everywhere around this city looking for him. They'd sooner kill their own mother's then help him out if he called. But she didn't understand that, based off the mean glare she was sending him for his reaction.

"Look, you guys don't get it. I am a traitor and that's the worst thing you can be in this gang. They have all their people looking for me at this very moment…officers, fucking nurses, mailmen, everyone. And he's looking for your friend, too. This isn't going to go away just because I'm in cuffs and he's in the hospital."

All three officers exchanged startled looks and Zeke took some sort of satisfaction in their responses. Stunned silence ensure that they understood what he was trying to get across to them. His tone was firm and his words were sure enough that they wouldn't question him on anything any further.

"Ok," Amanda said after a tense silence, "Then…just tell us all that you can."

He didn't get the chance to respond as a slim, Asian woman rounded the corner and immediately greeted the detectives with handshakes and an apathetic smile. She barely responded to their greetings as she waved them all towards the judge's chambers, ready to start this meeting and come to a proper agreement.

He didn't even respond to the well wishes from the detectives who still had questions they wouldn't be able to ask.

* * *

  _ **Time Unknown**_

" _Three bodies were discovered near Vineland's Crystal Lake Golf Course in New Jersey after a local runner's dog lead them down an obscure dirt path on the edge of the course's pond. They were found early Monday morning with gun-shot wounds. It is believed to be homicide at this time in the police investigation."_

Victor ignored the news report playing in the lobby of Ryker's, waiting patiently for an officer to pick him up so he could meet his fate. He didn't like being there, even though he knew a good chunk of the officer's there did business with his people. It didn't make the feelings that this place evoked in him any better.

He remembered being there as a child to visit his own father, brother and cousin, seeing them once before Christmas and once before his birthday every year until he turned eighteen. His father died that year and he didn't care for his brother and cousin, who were both serving life sentences for being assholes as far as he was concerned.

He tried his hardest to repress those negative feelings every time he stepped foot into this lobby. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. It definitely wasn't working now, just knowing what he was going to be facing as soon as he was allowed back into the visitation room.

His focus on the memories that plagued his head was momentarily distracted as he caught the eye of the cute red head sitting behind the window. She looked up to see him wink at her and looked away in disgust when he made kissy faces at her, clearly trying to garner her interest. Victor chuckled a bit, a smug smile on his face when she turned in her chair and face the other direction.

You win some, you lose some.

" _And in Manhattan, a high-profile Assistant District Attorney who went missing just a few days ago was admitted to Bellevue Hospital after a bizarre turn of events that found him walking straight into the 16_ _th_ _precinct. At this time, the details of this case are being withheld from the media, but our sources say he is recovering at this time."_

Victor's smug smile fell as he caught the end of the story and the smiling picture of the lawyer that slipped from between his fingers. He balled up his fists and shoved them into the pockets of his leather jacket, bouncing his leg as he rapidly went through what he was going to say when he got in there. He was going to be shredded to pieces, he knew this, but he hoped to see another day. Honestly, he was surprised he'd been able to live this long.

You didn't mess up a job this big without consequences.

"You."

Victor stood up and made his way towards the officer who would take him back into visitation. He wasn't one of theirs and he looked a little confused as to why he was allowed back after visiting hours were over, but Victor knew he wouldn't be in the room with them. That's how it always was, every time he visited here.

He stayed silent as he was lead down the familiar halls and nodded politely as another officer intercepted him and let him into the where the intimidating figure sat with his hands clasped in front of him. The cuffs he wore clinked against the table, mixing with the harsh slamming of the door that locked him and only one other officer into the room with the prisoner.

This officer was one of theirs. Victor could always tell when they easily leaned against a wall and pulled out their founds. The security cameras conveniently glitched out every time he or another Captain or Colonel visited another member in the slammer.

"Victor…"

The smile and welcomed arms that greeted him weren't what he was expecting, but he took in stride and humbled himself appropriately for the situation. If He wasn't mad, then maybe he would be in the clear.

"How have you been?"

Victor only sat after He did, pulling the chair in so he could sit tall and comfortably as he glanced around the darkened room. The only light on in the room sat directly above the table they sat at, casting ugly shadows across His face and table.

"You know…," Victor trailed pathetically, making some hand gesture to help illustrate the point he didn't want to bring up. He knew what he was trying to say and he bowed his head a bit.

"I knew this wasn't going to be easy and I'm sorry things went down the way they did. You didn't do anything wrong. I know…in the past I've been…unforgiving. But, there will be no repercussions for you and I keep my word on that."

Victor felt a weight lift off his shoulders, taking a deep breath he had been holding in since he got the collect call from Him yesterday morning. Victor couldn't keep the smile of relief off his face.

"Thank you," he breathed, thankful he was going to live to see another day, "And I want you to know we're already looking for that little traitor. Got my people looking high and low."

"Call them off."

Victor was taken aback by the demanding statement.

"I'm sorry?"

"Call them off," He replied easily, a charismatic smile gracing his features. Under the light, it looked evil, but it was that smile that won people over and made him so trustworthy. It was that smile that got him to the top of the tiers within BX-9 when he started doing business with them all those years ago.

"Sir…he's the reason this whole thing went to shit."

"I know," He replied and fixed the sleeve of his orange jumpsuit like it was the most well-known fact in the world. Victor furrowed his brow, genuinely confused about the turn of events. He'd been relieved only a minute ago but being thrown for this loop was making that elation die.

"I don't- "

"My time is up in 3 months. I'll be released March 10th. I'm getting out of here," He smiled, looking extremely pleased with himself over the news. Victor didn't say anything, making the man's smile deflate into an angry glare.

"I want them to sweat it out in that time. I want them to get comfortable. I want them to think they're safe and as soon as they start getting back to their everyday lives…I want to take it from them. I'm not just going to let them get away, dear Victor. I want to strike when they least expect it."

"But," Victor licked his lips and leaned in closer, "What about the client?"

"There was no client. This hit came directly from me. As a personal matter that I needed taken care of."

"You must have a hell of a personal problem with that ADA."

"You can say that," He grumbled and stood up, whistling towards the correctional officer who snapped to attention and slipped his phone back in his pocket. The heavy door opened that lead to the hallway, flooding the room with more light.

"Three months," He reminded him, reaching out a hand to Victor, who shook it firmly, "I'll contact you in three months. We'll pick it up from there."

Victor nodded and hesitated to leave for a moment, so many questions on his mind, but he decided against it. He had been generous in letting him live a little bit longer, so he wouldn't try and prod into the questionable statement the man made earlier.

Victor made it halfway to the door before he stopped at the call of his name.

"Do me a favor," He paused, a soft smile on his face, "Drop in on my wife and daughters…give them the good news."

"Yes, sir."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, this chapter features just a few moments that happen in the time skip I mentioned in the author's note of chapter 12. There is no furthering of the plot, but there's tons of Rafi angst and Liv and Noah trying to make him feel better. Next chapter, we get right back into the story. Also, thank you to everyone who's still reading this fic and leaving me reviews. It makes my day to see feedback! Enjoy!

_**December 8** _ _**th** _ _**– 6:17 pm** _

_Rafael settled back against the couch, sighing as the pain started to ebb away. He was freshly showered and in comfortable clothing, although he felt a little out of place in Liv's apartment. He wasn't used to being there without a professional mindset, so it was making things a little awkward for him. She sensed it when they first arrived and she took steps to ensure he assimilated easily into the environment, which he appreciated._

" _Pizza sound good?"_

" _Yeah," he answered, feeling his eyes growing heavy. He refused to go to sleep, though. Not until he absolutely had to. He wouldn't ever admit that the dream he had in the early hours of the morning had spooked him more than he liked. He also didn't like the fact that both his mother and Liv knew about it either. He could feel their worried looks on him when they first arrived at her apartment and, although he appreciated the concern, it was unwarranted._

_He would be fine. He could get through this._

_Rafael took in the intricate detail of the rub spread out on the hardwood floor as he listened to Liv's voice drift over from the open kitchen. She joined him a few moments later, taking special care not to accidentally bump into him lest she cause him further pain._

" _Feeling ok?"_

_He nodded and looked at her, smiling as he brought his uninjured hand up to rest on her leg. She laced their fingers together and pressed a shy kiss to his lips. He felt his heart leap into his throat._

_One good thing that came out of all of this was the fact that he and Liv had finally broke through the barrier of their relationship. If anything would bring him comfort over his recovery, that would be it._

_Of course, an arrest would as well, but that was far from his mind at the moment. He didn't want to think about his captors still being out on the loose, roaming the city and looking for him. Or Zeke._

_Zeke…_

_He wanted to talk to him. Thank him. Lexi, as well. But Liv was adamant about him resting first and he knew she was right. Besides, according to her, they were unreachable at the moment and needed to stay that way until the coast was clear. Unfortunately, he was in the same boat. He suspected that was the reason she jumped on the chance to have him recover at her apartment. 24-hour security and a built-in cop? Yeah, he would be safe._

_A part of him still didn't believe it, despite that._

* * *

_**December 17** _ _**th** _ _**– 7:30 a.m.** _

_He'd been there a little over a week and he was feeling more comfortable._

_He'd grown used to having other living beings in a living space, which was weird. He was so used to living alone, he was taken by surprise a couple of times when he had to consider that he wasn't by himself. Like that morning, when he woke and slid out of Liv's bed (she insisted he sleep next to her and he was in, no way, going to pass that down for the couch) to get a cup of coffee._

_He stopped the slamming cabinet door just in time, but he still chastised himself for forgetting about the other two occupants of the apartment. He'd done that so many times in the past few days it was annoying and he hoped he assimilated to it soon._

_He also hoped the nightmares growing in frequency would lessen, along with the eerie feeling that around every corner, there was someone waiting to catch him off guard. Too many times had been spoked by the sounds of knocking on the apartment door, or soft footsteps coming up behind him._

_The second day he was here, he was so caught up in his fear, he pulled a knife on Liv who had come up behind him while he was standing in the kitchen, making a cup of coffee. He apologized profusely once he realized what he'd done, but Liv just hugged him and didn't say anything about the tears soaking into her cream blazer._

_He tensed as the sound of a door closing in the other room reached his ears, but forced himself to relax as he remembered he wasn't alone. He vowed to get better. He had to._

* * *

_**January** _ _**16th – 4:50 p.m.** _

_He needed to shave, but he didn't feel like it._

_This was what depression felt like and he didn't want any part of it anymore._

_His mood plummeted immediately after Christmas. The joy he felt during the holiday had been the calm before the storm, because the night immediately following the jolly day had him waking up screaming in cold sweat._

_He remembered Liv securing him in her arms as he had a full-blown panic attack. He tried fighting her off before she began to whisper in his ear, reminding him where he was and who he was with. He calmed down, his breathing regulated (but the pain from his injuries was keeping him from truly calming) and his heart rate slowing eventually. He'd woken Noah and the little boy joined them in the bed, cuddling into his side in an attempt to make him feel better._

_It did, for a while. He spoke in hushed tones to Liv, who looked at him with so much heartbreak and worry it consumed him with the most overwhelming guilt he had felt in a long time. He held a sleeping Noah in his arms well into the morning, Liv staying awake with him despite the fact that she had a double shift ahead of her that day._

_The following few weeks left him with continuous nightmares so bad, he temporarily set up camp out in the living room, not wanting to force the woman awake with his constant whimpering and gasping for air as he woke in the middle of the night over and over. She tried to tell him that she didn't mind; she was there for him, to listen to him and to help him through, but he reminded her she couldn't do any of that if she was dragging her feet tiredly all day._

_Part of him didn't want her to help him. He was ashamed of the fact that he this was so taxing on him to begin with. He thought those people (who had yet to be found) hadn't broken him, but maybe they had somewhere along the line. That wasn't Liv's cross to carry, but he could see it bothered her when he didn't open up to her and lay all of his emotions and problems on her._

_He also knew it bothered her a great deal that he had yet to go into detail about those few days of being held captive, but he didn't even want to think about it himself._

_He sighed and rubbed at his blood shot eyes, moving away from the mirror in the bathroom he was standing in. He hadn't exactly showered in a few days and the scruff on his face was unkempt, along with the clothes on his back. He had barely eaten and his sleep was practically nonexistent, but he didn't mind that. As long as he didn't have to relive those haunting images, he would live with only a few hours of sleep a week._

" _Raf?"_

_Noah's little voice drifted down the hall, into his bedroom (Liv had taken to calling it their room and so he had picked up on the habit as well, even if he still considered himself a guest) while little, socked feet thumped against the hardwood._

_The little boy appeared in the doorway, holding onto a freshly colored page displaying some random Disney character. Perhaps the only thing that could make him smile nowadays was this little guy, who never failed to make even the darkest of moments brighter._

_It was funny that he had grown so close to both Noah and Liv in the past few weeks, but Noah was the only one that had the chance of pulling him out of his funk._

" _What's up, pal," he asked in a gruff voice. He hadn't talked much lately, no matter how much Liv tried to get him to speak. He felt bad for always shutting her down when she did that, but he felt like she understood and he appreciated her never pushing him._

" _I color this for you…," Noah held up the paper and he took it, unable to help the warmth seeping into his heart._

" _Why you so sad, Raf?"_

_The question caught him off guard and he could feel some tears spring to his eyes, blurring his vision before he blinked them away. He cleared his voice, hands shaking as he clutched the paper tighter. Noah seemed to sense the sudden shift and moved forward, wrapping his arms around his pajama pants clad legs._

_This time, he couldn't stop the overwhelming onslaught of tears falling down his cheeks and wetting the paper still in his hands. He held back a sob as Noah pulled back and grabbed on the sleeve of his fleece jacket. He moved the paper out of the way and looked down at the boy, locking gazes with his innocent eyes._

" _It be alright, Raf. Don't be sad, please."_

_They stood there for a good five minutes until Lucy, who'd been in the living room the entire time, called him for his snack. Noah gave him a big smile and ran out of the room, unaware of the impact he just made on the suffering man standing in the bathroom._

_Later that night, after a hot shower, shaving and dressing in actual jeans and sweater (that were ill-fitting thanks to his neglectful eating habits), he greeted Liv at the door with a nervous smile, wringing his hands._

_The first thing he did was kiss her, taking her by surprise until she kissed him back. He could feel her relief when he pulled away, seeing her beaming smile as she took in his appearance. That smile faded a little, but not in a bad way, at the next words out of his mouth._

"… _I want to tell you what happened to me."_

* * *

_**February 8** _ _**th** _ _**– 11:52 a.m.** _

_This was his first time out on the streets of the city by himself, and he was proud he was holding it together so well._

_He sat in the farthest booth at the back of the restaurant, keep his eyes peeled on the door he could see from his position as he waited for Liv and the squad who had invited him out to lunch._

_He almost refused, wanting to stay in and catch up on some paperwork (his boss had let him begrudgingly work on some of it, despite his being on leave and he was grateful for the distraction) but he couldn't refuse Liv's little plea that he come out and enjoy a meal on Fin._

_He ordered a scotch and it sat untouched in front of him as he fidgeted in his spot. The depression he felt had subsided but it was still there, not as prevalent in his day-to-day life as much, though. Noah was responsible for breaking him out of the spell and not a day had gone by since then that he felt nothing but love and gratitude towards the toddler who, unknowingly, saved him from sinking to lows he hadn't experienced before._

_Liv was also responsible in helping him overpower the negative feelings. Just knowing that she knew everything now helped him in more ways than he thought possible. The night he spilled everything to her, he felt ten times lighter and the dark clouds that hung over his head didn't seem so dark anymore._

_That night, they joined together for the first time and he went through the night dreamless, with a feeling of happiness that wasn't normally felt, even before his abduction took place. Every night since then had been filled with hot passion that sent him spiraling out of reality for a blessed few hours before they curled together under the covers for a few hours of satisfied sleep._

_It was truly the one activity that brought him any sort of relief from the harrowing nightmares he still faced on occasion, and so it became a staple in their nightly routine. But sometimes, when the mood didn't strike, he was just as content to cuddle with Noah and her and watch some kid's movie he couldn't follow, basking in the feeling of being around people who loved him and who he loved back just as much._

" _Barba!"_

_Carisi's excited yell across the restaurant drew some looks and he rolled his eyes, welcoming the feeling of annoyance towards the younger man who looked up to him. Amanda and Fin greeted him with handshakes and he accepted a one-armed hug from Carisi as they all took their seats. Liv took her seat next to him and immediately laced their fingers together, sensing that he was tensed up just a little too much. He relaxed, though, and leaned in for a kiss, uncaring that he could feel prying eyes taking in the action._

" _Please tell me you're coming back soon," Amanda said, taking a sip of her water, "Because none of us can stand your replacement. He's monotone and smells like moth balls all the time."_

_He laughed, a true smile gracing his features as he easily dived into conversation, happy to talk shop. He could feel Liv watching him as her thumb ran along the length of his index finger and when he glanced at her, he winked, letting her know he was doing ok._

_Yeah…he was doing ok._

* * *

_**February 28** _ _**th** _ _**– 2:30 a.m.** _

" _Nightmare?"_

_He looked over his shoulder at Liv, who shuffled out from the hallway in her oversized sleep shirt, hair a mess as she rubbed her arms for warmth. She was tired, having worked overtime that day and she fell asleep as soon as she crawled into bed._

_He didn't mind, happy that she fell asleep curled around him and he listened to her breathing until he fell asleep as well. In fact, he did have a nightmare, for the first time in a week, but it was dulled. He didn't wake up gasping and shaking and screaming. He just opened his eyes and calmed immediately as Liv mumbled something unintelligible against his neck._

" _Just a little one. Nothing major."_

_He turned back to look out of the living room window, watching the lit-up city scape spread out before him. Liv shuffled up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, careful not to press to hard into his injuries. The bandages were gone and his ribs were healed, but they were sore. The sling was long gone as well, but his arm was taking longer to heal than he would have liked. All other injuries were but mere scars, faded and leaving him with reminders of what he'd gone through._

" _Maybe it was a mistake letting security go," she mumbled into his neck, her breath hitting the back of his neck as she spoke. He felt the weight of her chin on his shoulder and she took in the same sight he was._

" _No. It's fine. If nothing's happened yet, I highly doubt anything will."_

" _The investigation stalled…on the back burner where Dodds wants it."_

" _That's fine- "_

" _It's not fine."_

_He wisely kept his mouth shut, knowing where this line of conversation was going to go and he didn't feel like putting up the argument that everything was fine. Liv wasn't easily persuaded unless she had proof in front of her, and the investigation falling short of expectation wasn't any help._

_He was upset at first when he heard about Dodds wanting to shelve it for now, but he understood the decision. Yeah, it turned him into a nervous wreck thinking that he was at risk again, but with Liv by his side…there was just no way they would get to him again. They could try, but they wouldn't._

_He hoped they wouldn't, anyway._

" _I talked to my boss earlier…and the doctor. Both cleared me for work. I start back on the 20_ _th_ _."_

_Liv stilled and let go of a deep breath, her palms lying flat against his chest. She kissed his neck and moved so she could stand in front of him, her back to the window. She pulled him into a hug again and participated by pulling her closer and shoving his face into her hair._

" _Are you sure you're ready?"_

_He asked that question himself so many times throughout the day. He even jokingly asked Noah in the middle of their Lego house building if he thought he was ready and the little boy said yes before he tackled him with a huge hug. So many factors went into his returning to work and all of them had be thought through, but beyond the careful planning that would go into his return…was he ready?_

" _I think. Only time will tell, really. Are you ready?"_

_Liv pressed her forehead into his neck again, fingernails trailing up and down his back as she contemplated what she was going to say. She was silent for a long time, her eyelashes brushing against his skin as he stared out at the city still._

" _I'm ready if you are."_

_He cracked a smile and rubbed her back, letting his hands fall further down her body and play with the hem of her shirt. She chuckled when he tugged at it, asking a silent question he already knew the answer to._

_They didn't crawl back into bed until 4am._

* * *

_**March 19** _ _**th** _ _**– 10:07 p.m.** _

_Tomorrow would mark his first day back into the office and he was nervous._

_He stood in the closet, staring at his collection of suits, ties and suspenders he brought over from his apartment with the help of his mother earlier that afternoon. Trying to decide what he was going to wear didn't involve the same amount of fun it did three months earlier and he was finding the fact that he was going to miss sweatpants and his ratty, old Harvard hoodie disturbing at best._

_He always loved to look good, because appearance was always a first impression. He was all about making a good first impression._

" _Pink striped suspenders for sure," Liv remarked from the bed, glasses pushed up on her head as she sifted through some files she brought home from work, "Grey slacks. The ones that make your butt look nice."_

" _You say my butt looks nice in every pair of pants I wear," he smirked over his shoulder and she shrugged, jotting down on a note with her pencil. He shook his head in amusement and grabbed the items she suggested. A few more finished touches and he was set for the next morning. He felt nervous, but also excited._

_He wasn't afraid to admit he was going stir crazy and he was eager to head back into the office, where he could lose himself in work and argue with detectives about doing their jobs right. It was going to be a huge change of pace from what he'd done over the past couple of months, but he was going to welcome it._

_Besides, being cooped up wasn't helping in improving his mood. Sure, he'd gone through a bout of deep depression that still lingered, and the nightmares were scarce, but still very real (not to mention the PTSD he was diagnosed with last month that left him tensing with every unaccepted action or noise in his vicinity), but staying in this apartment alone with his thoughts wasn't helping him in fully improving. He'd gotten away from the dark period and he was feeling better, but nothing could quell the want to get back into work._

_He also knew the squad was looking forward to having him back. It honestly shocked him that they'd been so worried and he was touched when Carisi let it be known that he was part of the team. Of course, he had no doubt that they searched the city high and low along with Liv, but he didn't think they cared that much. As much as they annoyed the hell out of him, he would have done the same for them._

" _Raf…turquoise socks? Why don't you wear your pink ones? Match, at least?"_

_He closed the closet and got into bed, already in his pajamas and wound down from the day, "If you really love me, you'll accept my fashion choices."_

" _Funny," she rolled her eyes and yawned, lifting her glasses off her head and deciding that was enough of work until tomorrow. She got up and threw the files on the dresser, hitting the lights on the way back._

" _We should probably get up early tomorrow. I'll have to meet with Franklin and see the damage he's done with my cases," he said as he maneuvered the blankets from underneath him. Liv nodded but stayed silent. She sat and faced him, crossing her legs as he settled under the covers. He looked confused for a second as she just stared at him._

" _You can still take another three months, you know."_

_He suppressed the annoyed sigh threatening to part his lips. She had, pretty much, mentioned the same thing every single day since he told her about his returning to work and, while she meant well, it was starting to drive him crazy. He had mulled over the decision so much on his own and finally came to a conclusion, but her constant worrying over him thinking he was ready when he wasn't, was a little grating. She knew it, too, because she always looked ready to defend her reasoning._

" _Livy…I'm ready. I love spending time with you and Noah…but I'm going a little crazy being cooped up all day," he sat up, wincing at the small amount of pain still burdening in his body, and placed a hand on her exposed thigh. She curled her fingers around his with one hand while the other came up to trace the large, angry scar on his healed forearm._

" _I know, I know. Just…with the investigation and the fact that we haven't found these guys…even with Zeke and Lexi's cooperation, how the hell couldn't we have arrested someone? It doesn't make any sense."_

_He agreed. It was odd they were having so much difficulty, because when they all put their mind to something, they could do it and do it quickly and efficiently. But they weren't perfect and somethings were just out of their control. He didn't like it either, but he accepted it. He'd been out on the streets of the city a few times by himself and he'd come back safe and sound, every time._

_If anything was going to happen, it would have more than likely happened by now and he would hold onto that, if it meant making her feel even the slightest bit better._

" _We'll worry about that when the time comes," he said softly and dropped back down onto his back. He gestured towards her side and relaxed as she smiled and quirked an eyebrow._

" _Now, let's catch some shut eye."_

_Liv bit her lip and moved so she was on her knees and directly next to his side. He smirked as she pulled back the blankets covering his body and obviously took in the boxers he opted to sleep in that night._

" _You sure want to just sleep? Going back to work means long hours…might not leave us much alone time anymore…"_

_He sighed playfully and she smirked, lifting her shirt over her head to reveal her bare body to his eyes and the idea of sleep he suggested (he was pretty tired) was the last thing on his mind as she straddled his hips attached her lips to his neck._

_Things were starting to look up and he hoped they stayed that way._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: YOU GUYS, it's been SO long! I'm so sorry to anyone who has been waiting for an update! I haven't given up on this story! I've just been so busy it's unbelievable. In any case, I know how I want this story to end, but we've still got a while before that comes into play. Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you guys think! I love reading everyone's thoughts!

_March 20_ _th_ _– 4:45 a.m._

A little more than three months out of the city and Lexi was finding it hard to settle in the small subdivision filled with beautiful homes and lush, landscaped gardens. She wasn't used to the quite early mornings; she found she missed the sounds of the city outside her window the most.

But, she didn't like thinking about that. Not when those early morning city sounds were accompanied by the sounds of her father's drug fueled romps, or loud music and gun shots in the distance. She didn't miss that.

Hell, she didn't even miss her father and what did that say about her?

Lexi sipped from her cup of coffee, enjoying the cool breeze that swept across her from her perch on the roof. The room she took up residence in at her grandmother's house was stationed at the front of the house, giving her the perfect view of the road and any and all cars or people that traveled down it. Personal security had called it quits a month ago, leaving them with a sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, they would be safe after all.

She had to admit, a part of her wanted to stay in the city and fight this thing. Despite her childhood and most of her teen years ruined due to her father, she didn't want to take the easy way out. There was still a voice in her head that urged her to go back and show them she wasn't afraid; she wanted to show them she was a strong, young woman that would take any of their death threats and swallow them whole.

But, she was here, in Connecticut, just an hour outside of Manhattan, stuck in a room all day on a computer, because she was being home schooled now. She was in a location where she couldn't easily be found, just like they wanted her to be and she couldn't show them squat.

Probably the best thing for her. Those pieces of shit thrived on women who fought and, although she had a mouth that could decimate even the wittiest of assholes, she was petite and couldn't fight back when it came to fists.

Lexi rubbed her eyes and looked back in through the open window behind her, seeing Rocco, her grandmother's German Shepard cuddling into her abandoned bed and it brought a smile to her face. Rocco had been a plus to her moving in with her grandmother, along with a few other perks. She always wanted a dog.

The sound of a door closing across the street caught her attention. Like clockwork, it never failed. She wanted to lie when she tried to rationalize why she got up every morning at 5 a.m. and sat on the roof, watching the lights in the surrounding houses turn on when the neighbors started their days. She told herself it was because she'd never really had neighbors like this before.

Hard working people who got up with the sun, drank coffee and ate breakfast and sent their kids off to school as they left for work. Nurses, teachers, business people who drove expensive cars and always wore huge smiles on their faces…

But none of that was true. She didn't care about the neighbors; well, she only truly ever paid attention to one. Across the street, in a house smaller than most of them in the vicinity, was a young man, far too young to own a house, who stood outside while a small dog sniffed around the yard for a spot to relieve itself.

Lexi spotted him one morning after a sleepless night, and something about him caught her attention and had continued to catch her attention every morning for the past month. He was cute, usually bundled up in the same hoodie and pajama pants every morning he let his dog out. He always stood on the porch, though. He never once ventured out into the actual grass. She couldn't blame him for that. It was early March and winter wasn't going to leave any time soon, even if the snow did.

She kept her eyes on him the entire time, watching every little move he made, from the way he swept some loose hair out of his eyes to the small shiver that racked his body from the cold, all the way until he whistled for his cute little dog to go back inside.

She let out a long sigh, her breath curling out into a cloud of cold smoke that dispersed into the air. Not long after, she turned back and headed to her bed, curling up with Rocco and turning on the flat screen television to catch the morning news.

Just like every morning since she discovered the guy next door, he didn't leave her mind until she forced herself to think otherwise. It was annoying, really. For some reason, this mysterious neighbor, who never left his house, seemed to have taken up every available corner of her mind when it was at its emptiest.

She couldn't put her finger on it, nor did she want to, but he was there for a reason and it had something to do with what was happening in Manhattan. Something with Mr. Barba, who's story she followed ever since she was removed from her home. She had little to no contact with the detectives of SVU, other than a check-up call every now and then from Detective Rollins.

Except, that would change today. Her grandmother had hesitantly taken off to California yesterday morning, visiting some of her old friends or whatever, leaving her free to pretty much do whatever. But, what she planned on doing, was heading into the city in just a few hours.

Stupid idea? Probably. Her curiosity had gotten the best of her the day she purchased her train ticket online and she only planned on being there for a few hours. Just enough to visit SVU and possibly see if she could get a hold of Mr. Barba. She really didn't know why she wanted to, but she just wanted to see him, to see how he was holding up. The thought that she was one of the people who had a hand in him being rescued fueled the idea of getting to meet him while he was healthier and standing on his own.

She was nervous and hopeful and afraid to go alone, but she would get through it. Nothing was going to stop her anymore.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 7:25 a.m._

He hadn't been in a suit since he escaped from his imminent death and it felt weird against his skin.

It was a strange feeling for someone who wore suits daily and for extended periods of time for work and professional purposes. Hell, how many times had he fallen asleep at his desk in his full three-piece suit and woken up the next morning, wrinkled and disheveled and opted to jump straight back into work.

Rafael pulled on the sleeve, twisting his arm to somehow adjust the way it rested against his skin. He'd grown so used to lounging around in hoodies and sweat pants that his normal, everyday attire felt foreign. He didn't know how to feel about that.

"If we leave in fifteen minutes we can beat the morning rush down at Carlo's," Liv said over the sound of the news playing on the television in their room. She waltzed out of the bathroom in her bra and slacks, having stopped half way through getting dressed to fix her makeup and hair. She spotted him looking at himself in the full-length mirror, fiddling with his jacket sleeve, and abandoned her routine in favor of relaxing his rigid stance.

"Let me see," she wrapped her arms around him from behind and straightened his tie. She smoothed down his shirt and turned him towards her, resting her hands on his chest as his came to rest on her bare waist.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be," he smiled, feeling the nervous tilting of his stomach again. Maybe he was going to throw up, but hopefully, he could hold it till he got to the court house. He didn't want Liv worrying about him.

"That offer still stands…three more months…," she played with the pointed edge of his tie, knowing he was going to refuse but hoping he would agree, take off his suit and crawl back into bed. She much preferred him resting and enjoying his time off, instead of seeing him under so much stress with deadlines and mountains of paperwork…but he was a stubborn man, intent on moving on with his life and welcoming her and Noah into that mix.

"You know my answer," he smiled and kissed her, pulling her into his embrace. Liv took in the familiar scent of his cologne for just a second as Noah toddled in and joined them in the hug, a huge smile on his face as he asked to be picked up.

"Milk," he demanded, grabbing onto the lapels of his suit as Rafael tucked him into the side of his body. He smiled and kissed his forehead, kissing Liv directly after.

"I'm going to finish getting ready and then we need to leave."

"This early? It's not that far of a walk," he walked down the hall of the apartment and set Noah down on the kitchen tile, going about the familiar pattern of pouring milk into a sippy cup. He'd done this so many times in the past three months, but doing it before going to work…everything about this day was going to be a learning experience, strange as that was.

"Well…," Liv appeared in the kitchen as Noah toddled off, buttoning up her blouse while sipped from his lukewarm coffee. He briefly read the headline flashing across the news, deciding it wasn't worth his attention.

"I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I know you don't like surprises and it's probably not a good idea anyway. The squad wants to welcome you back by surprising you with a gift card and some balloons and a cake. Whatever it is Carisi cooked up, I'm not sure."

He stifled a groan, hating the idea that he was going to have to deal with that on top of the morning meeting scheduled with his boss and the awkward skirting around the elephant in the room he was going to have to do with the colleagues on his floor. But, he would suffer through it, because they'd done so much for him already. He wasn't going to crush their (more like Carisi because he highly doubted Rollins or Fin wanted to intrude on his work space) spirits by refusing to take part.

Liv looked at him expectantly, tucking in the blouse and biting the inside of her cheek. Obviously, she'd been expecting him to huff a bit and roll his eyes.

"Ok. That's fine."

His response was tight-lipped and forced and it amused her more than surprised her.

* * *

"Ready?"

She jangled the knob a bit and he heard a thump and a curse from the other side of the door, which brought an amused half-smirk to his face. He hated to admit it, but he appreciated everything they'd done and were still doing to help him assimilate back into their world. No doubt, they knew of the extensive healing process he was still undergoing, and even though he hated surprises, he didn't find that he was faking any reaction when Liv swung the door opened and revealed the detective's standing in the middle of his office.

"Welcome back!"

The balloons, while a nice touch, didn't say 'welcome back' but rather, 'it's a boy', and Rafael wasn't even sure he wanted an explanation as to why that was. He chuckled as Carisi was clearly the more excited to see him back out of the two, but Fin came up clapped him on the back while Amanda gave him a friendly hug.

Liv stood behind him the entire time Carisi chatted about how hard it was to find 'welcome back' party supplies around the dollar stores and just how delicious the coffee cake he was holding in his hands was. She kept her hand planted firmly on his lower back, feeling the muscles tense every so often, but she was happy to see he was taking everything so well.

Rafael's road to recovery wasn't easy and he still jumped and startled so very easily, she was sure to announce her arrival anytime they were home alone together or when there was a possibility he might not have heard her walking towards him. She was so very worried his first day back was going to be hard on him and his PTSD and general weariness, but he was taking it well and that was all that mattered to him.

She just really, really wanted him to be safe and happy and back to his old self again, and it was looking like there was going to be a real possibility of it.

"…in any case, I had to go with the 'it's a boy' balloons because you are one and, well, the only other one they had available was a cartoon character, and somehow I don't think you would have appreciated that."

"Thanks for the unnecessarily long explanation, Carisi. Five minutes in and I'm ready to go back home."

The joke caused a ripple of hesitant laughter around the room, descending them into an awkward silence right after. Liv tapped him on the back, prompting him to truly say what he had been meaning to all this time. He'd been mulling over the words of appreciation for everything they'd done for him, but every time he came up with a reasonable way to say thank you, he scraped the idea and deemed it not good enough.

But, words were all he had. Words were all he was ever truly good with…so why was it so hard to utilize now?

"Thank you all. I appreciate everything you've done for me when you certainly had no reason to. I know I'm not the easiest or the nicest person to work with…and sometimes I don't know how you put up with me, but I'm grateful that you do."

He refused to look them in the eye, not wanting them to see the emotion gathering there. Those emotions were meant for behind closed doors, where only Liv and Noah could see them freely, openly. Anywhere else was simply unacceptable in his book.

"Barba. You're one of us. There was never any hesitation."

Fin's words eased a yearning inside him, one of several, he'd been longing to ease. He looked over the squad with a tentative gaze before he cleared his throat. Liv stepped forward and pecked him on the cheek, "Alright, let's give him some space. He's got work to do."

As they all filed out, Liv kissed him one last time, straightening his tie and enclosing him in the circle of her arms once again.

"Call me if you need anything. I'm only a few blocks away."

Rafael watched her leave his office and shut the door behind him, leaving him in the room with only the rushing of traffic outside and the pile of nicely stacked case files waiting for his fingers to leaf through. He took a deep breath, shucked off his jacket and sat down, pen wrapped in his hands as he took the first file and opened it up.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 8:30 a.m._

She'd only been in the office for a solid twenty minutes before the first intrusion of the day drew her away from the filing cabinet she was looking through with a grimace.

"I hope you have an explanation as to why you've been accessing Barba's case file."

Liv closed her eyes and tried to hold back the exasperated sigh at Chief Dodds' voice barreling into her office. She plucked her glasses off and turned her chair around, avoiding eye contact as she politely greeted him and stood.

He looked at her disapprovingly, hands on hips and eyebrows knit together. She immediately wanted to smack that stern glare off his face and her hand curled into a fist. There was still anger prevalent between them, at least on her side. The press conference left a bad taste in their mouths, simply because it was obvious what the mayor and the D.A. was trying to do. A fucking P.S.A. about gang violence with little to no mention of the missing ADA.

It took all her strength and a few calming words from Rafael not to jump down the man's throat when he stopped by her apartment a month ago, just to check in with the recovering man personally.

"Just checking up on it. Seeing if anything new has come up."

"I thought we made it clear that this case was going to be shelved for now."

Liv crossed her arms over her chest and walked around her desk, leaning back against her desk, "I'm not just going to let this go, Chief."

She wasn't. She was firm in her decision, consequences be damned. Rafael hadn't a clue and she wanted it stay that way. He'd been the one to calm her as soon as she found out 1PP wanted to throw the case away, reassuring her that it was the best thing possible. She didn't believe him, but she did it for him and the belief that it was part of his healing process.

However, she hadn't been able to just let it go as easily as he had. Plus, Rafael didn't work within the precinct and, therefore, had no knowledge of her keeping a close eye on the details of the closed file and, also, using a bit of her free time to keep searching around the city. Apparently, she hadn't been as careful as she planned to be if Dodds was standing in her office, on the brink of a meltdown.

"Liv…you need to understand that shelving this case is in the best interest of the city and the NYPD- "

"And the mayor and the D.A. But let's forget about Barba, who endured five days of torture and lifetime worth of PTSD just so you guys could shove this case in the back of a file cabinet. This isn't something I'm going to ignore."

"Liv. Please. Personal feelings aside," Dodds crossed so he was standing in front of her, arms now crossed over his chest as he looked at her pleadingly, "We can't have detectives knocking down doors all over the city, searching for gang members. If word gets out were doing a deep dive into gang related activities, we could have a serious issue on our hands. These gangsters don't just live in broken down brownstones and the projects."

"Ah," she smiled, eyes lighting up with the tidbit of information the man just let slip through his words, "So you're worried about the ones with money?"

"Lieutenant," he ground out, "Don't make me retaliate. I know…I know you two are together and that was cleared with our offices already…but we cannot spend resources on a case that will fall through in the end. There's too much at risk by bringing this to light…including his life again."

Liv glanced out over his shoulder through her open blinds, watching her team gathered around the white board set up with their latest case, chatting away while they sifted through the evidence gathered. It was their last case with the temp ADA and they were all excited to win it (hopefully) so they could begin working with Rafael again.

"I don't want to do this, Liv. I truly don't. I wish we could solve this. But, we can't. Please…do me a favor and let this go."

The sincerity in his voice was a sharp contrast from the barely concealed rage he was seeping just moments earlier. She sighed, exhaling the mean-spirited retort on the tip of her tongue and, instead, came up with an equally irritating response.

"We'll see."

Dodds pursed his lips and turned on his heel, blowing past Fin, who was just about to step through the door. He watched the retreating back of their irate boss and looked at Liv, who just stared blankly where the man stood before.

"What's his deal?"

Liv didn't respond and just patted him on the shoulder on the way out, drowning out the loud footsteps of the Chief stomping towards the elevator with her own voice. Fin just shook his head and joined them, knowing not to press any further.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 9:12 a.m._

Three flower arrangements in and he hadn't even been working for an hour. A few people from the floors below had pitched in on one and Donovan, who worked Homicide, paid extra for a sample box of very expensive chocolates and wished him a speedy recovery and a welcome back.

He'd only gotten back in his office a few minutes ago, after a meeting with his boss. It was an awkward talk about how he felt and if he was feeling well enough to even be back in the work place, but all concerns were put to bed by Rafael within seconds. He was happy to be back, even if it all felt so surreal.

He was just about to send out a picture to Liv, displaying the pile of goods that had, somehow, accumulated without his knowledge. Carmen had been intercepting calls and gifts all morning, for which he was grateful. He looked at the watch on his wrist and hummed.

She wasn't due back in the office for another thirty minutes, having to run to pick up her daughter from her mother's and then to grab a quick bite. She was going to bring him back a latte as well, her treat. Really, he was going to have to get her something special for hanging in there and fielding the outrageous amount of calls he'd been getting over his leave-

There was a soft creak outside of his door, sucking the air entirely out of his lungs. It was a reaction that couldn't be helped when the soft patter of knuckles knocking on wood alerted him to a presence. He didn't turn around.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end when the door to his office opened and shut softly, without Carmen's voice filling the silence. He stood with his back to the door, shuffling through the mounds of files that were put there this morning, much to his utter pleasure. Sifting through paperwork was an activity sorely missed.

He swallowed the lump in his throat when a throat cleared and he only turned his head a little, palms beginning to sweat. In a flash of light, he could see the grainy image of a bat heading towards his face, threatening to bash it in.

It'd been like this all day. Every time the door opened or the floorboards creaked in some random area of the room, he was on the defense and ready to fight for his life. So many times that morning, he had to remind himself he was fine. He had to remind himself that he was safe and that there were guards down on the street below that he wasn't supposed to know about, keeping an eye on him.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," a soft, smooth voice made him turn, eyes widened a bit in shock at who this familiar voice belonged to.

"Alex."

The familiar face, one he hadn't seen since his trail, smiled hesitantly from the doorway, dressed in street clothes and looking much thinner and older than when they last had contact.

"Hey," he said in a way of greeting. Had this been in another time, place and under a different circumstance, they would have been all smiles and excitement, slapping each other's backs and eager to see what the other had been up to for so long. Hell, they might have even gone to get a bite to eat and reminisced about those long summer days in their childhood.

But, that wasn't going to happen. Alex was in jail, or had gotten out apparently, and he was still recovering from the five day abduction he'd been subjected to just three months prior to this moment. There were harsh feelings between them still…friendship betrayed, lies, anger…

"I thought you were in prison."

"Got out just a few days ago," Alex answered quickly, nodding as he rubbed the back of his neck. He looked nervous as he took a few steps into the office. Rafael just nodded as well, playing with the edge of his suit jacket. He silently willed himself to stop, not wanting to appear anxious or jumpy.

"I…I heard about what happened to you…when I was in there. I just wanted to stop by and see if you were doing ok."

Rafael nodded again, eyeing the bouquet of fresh flowers from earlier still sitting on his desk. He could smell a faint whiff of the fragrance and it helped to ground him, just the slightest bit.

"I'm better. Thank you."

"Good. I'm glad."

An incredibly uncomfortable awkward silence followed his words, plunging them into a stark silence. It was almost suffocating with the weight of their past hanging above their shoulders. Rafael cursed this turn of events, not wanting to deal with something so heavy the first day back. Although, he was interested in what the man had to say, he wasn't in the mood for such an emotionally draining conversation.

Alex swiped at his nose, shoving his hands into his pockets as he rocked back on his heels, "I, uh, also wanted to invite you to lunch? Talk? Things didn't exactly end well between us. Lena suggested dinner at our place, if you'd prefer that?"

Rafael felt a bit of anxiety bubble up in his stomach at the mention of Yelena. While he didn't feel the same feelings of lost love for her anymore, even thinking about the woman (who hurled more than a few hurtful comments at him after Alex's trial) made his heart race. Not necessarily in a good way.

He turned the idea over in his head, weighing the pros and cons quickly in his mind. On one hand, he would love to put that part of his past to bed. The fact that they went way back, that Alex knew things about his childhood and his father that no one else did, would help in accepting that offer. But, the man was different than he was when they were kids and it was hard for him to realize that sometimes. The Alex he knew would have never sacked his morals for money or a pretty face (not to mention the 15-year-old girl he swore he did nothing with) and he couldn't help but wonder what made him do it.

Certainly, Yelena would have shut down his behavior right away had she a clue to what he'd been doing during his mayoral run. Or, perhaps, she was in on it and reaping the benefits. He honestly had no faith in the fact that he knew either one of them anymore and, truth be told, he wasn't sure he wanted to, no matter how tempting Alex's suggestion to bury the hatchet between them was.

"I'll have to think about it. I'm not sure it's the best time, right now, you know."

Alex nodded, looking slightly disappointed by his shaky answer, but he was going to have to deal with it. For now, he just wanted to get back to work and forget about all the negative feelings his old friend's appearance was bringing up.

"Right, right. I just want to mend things between us. I acted a fool and you were doing the right thing. I'm sorry I was too caught up in my arrogance to realize that."

Rafael breathed out, his eyes studying the form of the man before him. Yeah, he looked way older but more cut than he'd ever been. He saw the flash of a gold band on his ring finger, alluding to his marriage still going strong, but of course it would. Those two were made for each other, even if before, in his youth, Rafael refused to see it that way.

"You sound like a changed man."

"You as well."

The small smirk on Alex's lips betrayed the odd, almost malicious, sounding remark and Rafael wasn't quite sure how to take that statement. A shiver ran down his spine, suddenly feeling the air being sucked out of the room. He cleared his throat behind his hand again before realizing his hand had begun to shake. He was starting to get nervous now.

He opened his mouth to speak, to hopefully get Alex out of there and away from him, but was cut off by his office door swinging open. He startled, breath hitching before he realized it was his mother, holding a container and staring down at her phone, not paying much attention to her surroundings.

"Rafi, honey, I brought you some-oh! Alejandro?"

Lucia stopped short when she looked up, staring straight into the eyes of her son's childhood best friend. She was a bit perplexed, knowing the man had been sitting in jail for the past couple of years. The shock on her face didn't deter him from calling out her name excitedly, arms open as he quickly enveloped her into a strong hug.

"Wow. I didn't realize you'd been released."

"Last week, ma'am. I, uh, heard about Raf in the news and I just wanted to stop by and see how he's feeling."

"Well, that's thoughtful of you. How are the kids?"

Rafael watched the scene, standing closed fist against his desk. He could see the apprehensive stance his mother took up, unsurprised because of her disgusted reaction back when Alex was going through his trial. True, she still adored him like he was one of her own children (because Alex had two shitty parents instead of Rafael's one), but she voiced how sick it made her to see a grown man do such a thing.

They exchanged a few pleasantries, talking about his children and his wife, which he tuned out as a huge, flowery arrangement came through the door. Great, another gift from some ADA on the other side of the building, welcoming him back. He appreciated the gestures, but enough was enough already.

He tipped the kid and placed the flowers on the side of his desk, eyes scanning over the immaculate penmanship that spelled his name on the small envelope amidst the blues and whites. What he was going to do with all those vases, he wasn't sure, and the thought made him stress a little. Maybe his mother would take one, now that she was here.

"I'm not staying long. I have to get back to work. I know how much my Raf likes churros and Mrs. Gomez across the hall made them special for him."

"I'm afraid I have to get going, too. Have some business to attend to. Hey, Raf, call me about that dinner when you're feeling up to it. Mrs. B, take care. Maybe I'll see you around?" Alex nodded at both of them and bid them goodbye, closing the door behind him. They both watched until he disappeared completely and Rafael let go of a breath he'd been holding the entire time. Alex walking back into his life certainly threw his equilibrium off center.

Lucia didn't turn to look back at him and, instead, focused on the eerie gut feeling the sudden reappearance of her son's childhood friend wrought upon her. In the past, the few times she'd seen between Rafi leaving for college until their blow out a few years back, she would wrap her arms around him like he was her own, ask him how he and his family were coming along. Once or twice, she bought him a coffee and sometimes, he treated her back, but none of the past interaction ever left her feeling quite like this.

Something, deep down in her soul, was telling her to watch out for Alejandro Muñoz.

She dropped the grim expression on her face and looked back at her son, a warm smile on her face as he plucked the card from the flower arrangement sitting on the corner of his desk. His eyes traced the unfamiliar handwriting on the small envelope, contemplating opening it.

"Rafi," she said, catching his attention. He turned and looked at her, hand still holding the unopened card. She smiled sadly, seeing the apprehension in his frame still lingering. He was trying and she was happy he was trying, but it still broke her heart to see her son so afraid from such a simple noise. She pushed that down and charged through, hoping what she was going to say next didn't send him two steps backwards, like everything else seemed intent on doing.

"Be careful around him, sweetie."

He nodded, eyes cloudy with confusion, but he took the box from her and promised to call her later. Lucia shut the door behind her, an odd, unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach as she walked down the halls of the court house, wondering why the sight of Alejandro Muñoz made her uneasy.

Meanwhile, Rafael shook of his mother's words and eerie feeling it left him with. He locked the door up behind her, double checking every corner of the room before he deemed it safe enough to settle back in. He sighed and sat behind his desk, ripping open the small card marked with the florists signature sign on the front.

Just like the rest, he expected a short note welcoming him back and wishing him the best of luck with the rest of his recovery. He had about a dozen of those sitting in his desk drawer now, along with all of the other arrangements sprawled throughout his office.

But, what he received instead was much more sinister and it made his hands tremble, the folded up paper falling away from him as he struggled for air. He stood up, knocking his chair away from his body as the edges of his vision began to fade into black.

He choked on a breath as he reached for the phone in his pocket, having enough sense to speed dial Liv's number without looking. His eyes remained on the paper on his desk, opened and staring back at with bold and scraggly letters written under a picture that was far more personal and private than anyone would have access to.

"Liv," he wheezed as soon as she picked up her phone. Her voice rose in concern immediately, calling to him as he fell silent. His throat felt like it was closing up and his hands began to shake, dropping the paper to the

_**WE'RE WATCHING, WE'RE WAITING.** _

The same handwriting. The same short, angry message like so many he received before. It was there. But this time, there was a grainy picture sitting just above it. It was the unmistakable scenery of Liv's bedroom, showcasing an extremely intimate position involving the two of them, magnified heavily and peeking through the open blinds of her bedroom window.

" _Raf? Rafael, answer me! What's wrong?"_

"Liv. Get over here. Now."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: YOU GUYS. This chapter is huge, I know, don't kill me for the length, but it couldn't be helped! So much happens and I hope you guys are still entertained with this fic. I love writing it and developing the story for your entertainment. Reading your comments makes my day! Anyway, enjoy this next chapter!

_March 20th_ _– 10:01 a.m._

"Breathe."

Liv continued running her hand up and down Rafael's back, feeling his heaving body starting to simmer.

They'd rushed down to his office just ten minutes earlier and he'd been ready to pass out, on the verge of a mental breakdown. The adrenaline was still pumping through her veins and her own breathing had calmed considerably after she all but bolted out of the precinct, yelling into her phone for him to talk to her.

The absolute dread she felt as she ran down the hall to his office, stopping just inside the door to see him hunched over in his chair, with his head between his legs and his eyes shut, murmuring to himself that he was dreaming, was unparalleled to any sort of dread she had felt before.

"Keep breathing," she reminded him, squeezing his leg and running her fingers down the side of his cheek, locking eyes with his wide green eyes. He looked so terrified and vulnerable and it broke her heart. All she wanted to do was sweep him away from this place and take him back home; the overwhelming need to keep him safe from the world around him was threatening to take over, but she knew it couldn't.

Her eyes drifted over to the folded paper sitting directly in front of her. Anger surged through her mind and body at just the thought of it. Not only did she feel violated at the invasion of privacy with such a graphic picture of her and the man in front of her, but she felt exposed and out in the open. Like none of them were safe.

They probably weren't, if she were being honest.

But what scared her the most, was the fact that these men weren't giving up. Just like that little warning Zeke gave her squad before he was transferred out of the state for safe keeping. It was coming true around them all and she had a feeling it was going to get worse before it got better.

"Dodds is on his way up," Amanda announced, slipping her phone back into her pocket as she walked back in to the office. She shook her head, watching as the ADA, who they saw just fine and happy hours ago, trying not to fly into a full-on panic attack. His ties was loosened, his jacket was thrown on the floor and Liv was holding on to the back of his neck, whispering in his ear that everything was going to be ok.

How it all went to shit so quickly…this poor man couldn't catch a break. Not to mention Liv…

As far as she was concerned, it was even more personal now. Now, she was beyond pissed. More than she ever was before. When Barba had fought his way back to the precinct, she thought the worst was over, but this…this was far more disturbing and invasive and perverse.

Liv was humiliated and raging mad. She wasted no time in explaining what was on the page and, even if she was embarrassed by the contents of the picture on the letter Barba received, she knew it was better to be blunt in this type of situation. There could be no tip-toeing around anything anymore.

"Liv…Liv…," Barba struggled with his words, his breathing calmed considerably but he still had trouble grasping the words forming in his mouth. Liv rubbed his cheek, still kneeling in front of him. She kneeled there until she caught sight of Dodd's, coat blowing behind him as he swiftly walked towards them. She curled her lip and stood, unfolding the paper clasped in her hand and met him halfway, stopping him short.

She shoved the picture in his face, fingers cutting into the paper as he took a cursory glance and looked away, eyes wide and unsure as he met her angry gaze.

"This is what shelving that case did."

Amanda and Fin, who'd been on the phone in the ADA's office, wisely kept to themselves, seeing their Chief at a loss for words. Liv still held the picture in his face and refused to lower it. She was grateful he chose not to look at it again, because it was seriously humiliating having her naked body exposed in an intimate picture. She felt so severely violated, it honestly made her sick to her stomach. But what was much worse, was the fact that whoever sent this threat knew where she lived.

Lucy and Noah were already being escorted to her office via her quick thinking and Carisi. The few moments she had to take in the graphic picture were filled with so many thoughts, but they all centered on her child, tucked away in their home and probably playing the day away with his favorite toys.

The sickening thought that there could be more pictures of her child, sleeping in his bed, put her into a calm rage. If those people had the audacity…

Dodds grabbed her wrist and lowered the picture, mouth parted as he searched for words to say. He looked behind her, seeing Barba hunched over with his head in hands, shirt and tie unbuttoned and loosened while he took deep breaths. He looked like a caged animal, ready to lash out in fear.

Liv could see the wheels slowly turning the Chief's mind as he averted his gaze from Barba and back to her. He shook his head, mouth moving as if he was trying to come up with the words to articulate how sorry he was. Or, at least, that's what she wanted to think. Dodds wasn't very good at admitting when he was wrong, so she wouldn't expect an apology.

"From now on, this case is mine. I don't give a shit what 1PP and the mayor or the D.A. has to say about it. They've invaded my privacy, endangered my son's life just by _knowing_ where we live…enough is enough. This ends."

She turned on her heel, hair whipping behind her just as her phone chimed. She looked at the screen, relief flooding her as Carisi confirmed that Noah and Lucy were tucked away safely in her office, unscathed but confused. She owed the babysitter a long explanation and a million apologies for what she'd been through.

"Hey," she reached down and cupped Rafael's cheek, her thumb stroking until he looked up at her with a heartbreakingly familiar look, "Let's get out of here. Personal security is going to escort us back to the precinct so we can regroup, ok?"

He nodded and stood up, running a hand over his face as he steadied himself. Just moments before, she recognized the same look of despair and fear dancing in his green eyes, but it was gone now and replaced with a determined walk. He would go through this phase a million different times before the day was through, and she knew that because he'd been there before.

Three long months of being put through the emotional and mental ringer and now, he was thrust back into it again. It terrified her, deep down, that this wasn't over yet. These people were serious and there were _so many people_ potentially involved. At least, there were enough people who could get access to her address…

She lead Rafael on shaky legs out of the building and slid him into the back of the unmarked cruiser, clutching his hand tightly as they rode quietly together back to the precinct. It was a short ride and it took another five minutes before he was in the safety of her office, Noah sitting happily on his lap and giving him the biggest hug her little man could muster.

"Liv, what's happening?"

She'd been watching the entire exchange with tears stinging her eyes when Lucy piped up, a cup of coffee in her hands. Liv squeezed her shoulder and walked her out into the squad room and down the hall where it was void of prying ears.

"I'm assigning you a security detail."

Lucy opened her mouth, suddenly alarmed but Liv stopped her, "I'll explain everything, I promise you. But, for right now, Detective Carisi is going to escort you back to your apartment to pack up some clothes and bring you back here. Lucy," she stopped the young woman from speaking again, "Please…just do it. I promise, I'll explain later. We need to move fast."

She damn near had to pull Lucy out of the hall and handed her off to Carisi, who gently guided her towards the elevators, arm secured around her and speaking to her with a soft, comforting tone.

Liv took a second to gather her thoughts before she headed straight for her office and shut the door behind her. She smiled sadly at the two men in her life on the couch. Rafael was hunched over, Noah still in his lap, but his eyes were distant and his face was tight with fear and worry. Noah simply clung to his body, his little head shoved in the crook of his neck.

"Rafi," she said softly, coming to sit next to him. He looked up a little, but he didn't move from his position. She couldn't see Noah's face, but she could see his little hand rubbing Rafael's shoulder in reassurance, even if he was too young to understand that that's what he was doing.

"Tell me what went down. What you were doing before you called me?"

He exhaled sharply, pulling Noah tighter against his chest as he finally leaned back. It was almost as if he was using the boy to ward of an incoming panic attack. His hands were shaky and he was taking deep calming breaths and just having her son sit with him was like his medicine. She honest to God had no idea how he would have gotten any better had Noah been around.

"It…it was going fine. Nothing was wrong. I kept getting these arrangements and get well cards all morning. Then Alex, Alex Muñoz? He stopped by to see how I was doing- "

"Alex Muñoz? I thought he was in prison."

"Apparently, he got out a couple of days ago, I don't know. He just stopped by and then my mom came to drop something off and while they were talking, another delivery came and I waited until they both left before I opened the card and that's when I saw it…"

He took a deep breath, having spit that entire explanation out. Liv furrowed her brow in concern, mind working through the information with startling speed. Of course, Alex Muñoz wasn't a name to gloss over and it was rather worrisome that a man that supposedly hated Rafael was suddenly popping in to see him. The fact that they were old friends didn't seem like much of an excuse to her, but perhaps, this wasn't the time to be thinking about it. She needed to get them packed and into a hotel room under permanent protective custody.

Which meant living out of a hotel until this shit was solved and the thought pissed her off more than anything. She was having to abandon her home because these gang-reppin' fuckers were trying to mess with people they shouldn't.

However, she would catalogue that familiar name in her mind for later, when she had time to remember that Alex Muñoz wasn't a name that shouldn't be involved in any facet of this case.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 1: 25 p.m._

" _You're gonna get my ass killed, you know that right?"_

Zeke suppressed an eye roll and cradled the phone against his ear and shoulder, hands busy fixing another shitty microwave meal for his lunch. Somewhere upstairs in this empty house, Coco barked a few times before growling and quieting down. Her little feet pattered against the floor as she moved from one room to the next. Why they had to saddle him with that fluffy marshmallow of a dog, he didn't know. Probably to make him look less suspicious.

"I saved your life, bitch. You owe me one. Now shut up and type. You're the only one I know who can do this for me."

" _Why you wanna help these people out anyway? I'm pretty sure you're locked up because of them."_

Zeke growled, slamming the microwave door shut, "Just fucking do it, Diego. Your shit is untraceable. Not even that contract fucker from Denver can track your stuff."

" _That's what they get for hiring some pinche gringo in the mountains. Alright, got it."_

The beeping laptop from the kitchen island drew Zeke away from watching the spinning tray of shitty frozen food, the video files automatically downloading themselves into the private hard drive. He knew he was playing with fire officially, now that he had these files in his possession, but he was way too curious and way too in debt to the detectives back in the city.

Technically, he wasn't supposed to even have a cell phone or a computer, but thanks to a few clever tricks he learned with an ankle bracelet (he would return the laptop to its rightful owner soon) and his swift thinking, he was able to obtain key items that could keep him sane while being undetected.

He was surprised at first, when he was dropped off in this house with some basic toiletries, and a stocked fridge of food, that he was being treated that well. The officers assigned to his surveillance weren't the nicest guys he'd ever come across, but they treated him like a regular person. Perhaps, they were told to take it easy? In any case, he was grateful he wasn't being hassled.

Zeke ignored the beeping of the microwave as he expertly opened one of those video files to reveal a black and white grainy footage from the inside of Rikers with a familiar figure stalking down the hall with an officer, most likely one of their own as well.

Victor…

" _Hey puto! You hear me? You done? My mamí's threatening to bust my door down if don't take the trash out."_

Zeke kept his eyes on the screen, watching as the footage switched from a stark white hall to a dimly lit room. The footage was taken from a faraway security camera, only showing the tiny form of a man he couldn't out the identity of and Victor, recognizable in his walk alone. That cocky swagger he always held…Zeke wasn't surprised at how much hatred coursed through his veins at just the thought of his old mentor.

The things he'd been through and seen, all because of him. How many nights had Zeke stared up at the ceiling on his bed, in his sparsely decorated room, and wished the man dead? How many times had he woken up from nightmares, cold and sweaty, seeing Victor and Romero and _him_ standing over him from the back of a car trunk, needles and knives in their hands as they laughed maniacally.

He wondered if Rafael Barba had nightmares like that…ones that woke him up and stole sleep from him. He imagined they were worse for him. Zeke had been there when they broke his arm and spit on his face. He was there when they beat him black and blue and told him no one was ever going to find him. They told him he was going to fade away into obscurity; that his friends and family didn't care enough to look for him.

Zeke could tell the man fought those negative thoughts every step of the way. Behind that brave, masked look, there was never any doubt that he wasn't being looked for, and he'd been right.

"Got it," he whispered into the phone as the last of files were downloaded completely onto his hard drive. He didn't bother saying goodbye to Diego and just slid the phone onto the kitchen island, eyes still focused in on the video, that had ended. The big, gray play button in the center of the screen covered the two individuals talking in a darkened room, but Zeke knew this was important video.

And there were about 50 other more video files that needed to be sifted through. God only knew what those held.

Zeke settled onto the sofa with his shitty microwave meal and his laptop opened on his lap, a list of video files open on the screen.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 1:25 p.m._

Lexi felt a dizzying wave of dejavu when she turned the corner and was swept into the squad room of SVU by swift moving police officers. She apologized and moved out of the way, tucking into herself to try and appear smaller than she already was. It looked different than when she was last here…

It looked bigger, with a lot of empty desks and darkened office rooms. It seemed a little weird for it to be this empty during this time of the day, but then again, Lexi didn't know much about anything involving the police. She was always taught to avoid them instead of run to them.

She shoved her thumbnail between her teeth and looked around, unsure of who to go to. She was looking for Detective Rollins, or Olivia Benson at least, but seeing her darkened office room and the door standing wide open pretty much told her the woman wasn't in.

A strong hand on her shoulder made her jump and turn, eyes wide as she looked up at a familiar face. He held his hands up, seeing her reaction and chuckled a bit when she bumped into the desk chair she'd been standing next to.

"You alright?"

"Yeah," she blurted out, voice shaky. She gripped the strap to her backpack with white knuckles, trying to calm her breathing and prevent a full-on panic attack. She'd been near tears with anxiety as soon as she stepped foot off the train just an hour ago, and almost had a mental breakdown in an alley way just a few blocks from the precinct. More than once she questioned whether it was smart to do this, but she always reminded herself of why she needed to do it.

Closure, or something along those lines.

"Lexi, right?"

She hesitated to nod but didn't flinch when his hand landed on her shoulder again and steered her towards one of the desks. Lexi sat comfortably in the chair across from his, holding her bag in front of her. She knew who this was and smiled gratefully when he offered a cookie from the open package on his desk. She was starving.

"I'm glad to see you doing ok, but why are you here? You're not supposed to be anywhere near the city."

"I know…," she trailed, tearing off an edge of the cookie with a particularly large chocolate chip in it, "…but I've always been to curious for my own good."

Sergeant Tutuola looked a little surprised by her answer, but he waved her on, taking a sip from steaming coffee cup. Lexi eyed the machine set up in the corner of the room and she wondered if it would be weird if she could get some herself.

"I wanted to see Mr. Barba…see how he is. How he's doing. That's all."

Sergeant Tutuola nodded after a long moment, lips pursed and eyes downcast. That usually meant bad news in Lexi's opinion. That was how her father looked when she came home from school one day and her mother wasn't there. She immediately feared the worst, feeling so conflicted at the same time. She hadn't even wanted to help this man before and now she was concerned about his well-being?

"He's…ok. Look, I can't tell you much of anything, but things were good until today. I would love to take you to him and let you two talk and stuff but…he's not in right frame of mind and we're extremely busy. I'm sorry."

Lexi smiled sadly, still fiddling with the piece of cookie between her fingers. She tried to hold back the disappointed sigh that bubbled in her throat, but all she did was pop the piece of cookie in her mouth and stood up, saying, "Guess I should probably head home then."

"If you give me twenty minutes to finish typing up this report, I'll give you a ride back to the train station or else it'll take you a good half-hour to get back," he nodded encouragingly and pointed towards the darkened office she first stepped foot in just months ago, "You can chill in Liv's office. Grab a cup of coffee."

She did just that, cupping a piping hot cup of coffee between her hands as she circled the large oak desk, taking in the mess of papers and pencils and post-it notes scattered on the surface. She smiled when she noticed a picture of a little boy smiling at her from a black frame. He was holding a toy car and his tongue peeking out between his lips.

The other pictures held his same, smiling face in different poses. One dressed in a Christmas sweater and the other, in pajamas and sitting on her lap, giving her cheek a big kiss. The only other picture on her desk was a group shot and she instantly recognized Mr. Barba, pressed into her side along with the few other familiar faces. It looked like a family photo almost, seeing what was surely to be a tight-knit group of coworkers posing together in this very office.

It made her wonder why they all decided to take a group picture together, or why they looked so happy. Maybe, it was because they felt like it or they just arrested someone they were looking for. What did these people even do?

Lexi's smile faded from her lips and she turned to take in the city view from the office window. It's where she stayed until Fin (he gave her the oddest look when she called him Sergeant) got her, keys in hand and ready to cart her back to the train station.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– Time Unknown_

"Shit…"

"Ah, you made it!"

Victor tore his eyes away from the bulletin board filled with pictures, freshly printed with recognizable faces decorating every square inch available. He traced every detail of every picture, traced the lines of their faces with familiarity. Computer monitors lined the wall of the small, underground space.

The combination of old must and new technology, hot hard drives working overtime on the computers to provide security footage, made his nose wrinkle uncomfortably. He felt the slightest disturbed twinge at the amount of thought out and pain-staking detail Athos (weird fucking name for a client of the gang but that's what he wanted to called) put into this. From the looks of it, he wasn't wanting to take down one of his oldest friends who turned against him.

He wanted to take out the entire NYPD. On top of that, he had the manpower available; it sat at his very finger tips, because Athos had a lot of money from embezzlement during his short stint in politics, thrusting it into stocks and shares that were guaranteed money makers thanks to a little birdie working on Wall Street.

Out of everyone, the man could get shit done and Victor realized, right away, he was not a man to be messed with. He knew of the entire back story between Athos and Rafael Barba, and if Victor could admit it to himself privately, he knew this guy was 'off-the-rails- crazy for attempting this shit.

He got caught sending pics to a little girl and he went down, simple as that. Even if the man who took him down was like a brother, still. But, those thoughts would always remain private. He wasn't about to get added to this ever-growing hit-list with the very man's name, whom he captured and tortured for five days, at the top of the list.

Victor walked behind Athos, overwhelmed by the amount of paper and technology buzzing around in this small closet of a room. They were underneath an apartment building right now, in an old janitorial area that hadn't been used in years. The building itself looked like it hadn't been cleaned in years, but that wasn't unusual for the projects in the Bronx. Most buildings in these parts had no upkeep at all.

"Sorry about the mess."

"Do you…run all this stuff by yourself?"

"No! No, I hired a few of your tech guys. I just like to watch."

Victor nodded, brows furrowed as he stopped in front of a wall of monitors that reached floor to ceiling, all showing grainy feeds of security and traffic cams from around the city. He recognized a few places, but none so more than the outside of the court house, where people milled about their daily lives. His eyes traveled the length, feeling overwhelmed at the sheer amount of footage he was taking in.

He spotted a monitor up in the very right corner, showing his back and his head angled up towards the corner of the room, Athos standing just a few feet away with a suit case in his hand and staring at him.

"I know, it's a bit much. But, when you have the money to spend…," Athos trailed, a charming smile gracing his features. For a moment, Victor smiled back but erased it, feeling like he shouldn't be returning such a disingenuous gesture. However, he couldn't help but think this psychotic man in front of him was likeable. He had a warmth about him that drew you in, made you comfortable. Victor wanted to sit down and get to know him.

He wouldn't be doing that. But, still, the feeling remained as Athos drew him further back into the long, concrete room where a fenced in area held a table and small kitchen area. It was an obviously well used area.

"Alright, here it is," the man slammed the brief case down on the table and snapped open the clasps, throwing one half of the case up to reveal cold, hard cash. Victor's eyes widened, smelling the fresh scent wafting off the bills. There were so many bills…

"What's this?"

"Your cut," Athos patted him on the back and closed the case again, transferring it from the table to Victor's hand. The younger man was shocked.

"Not that I don't want this…but why?"

"For everything. For all of that shit you went through before, dealing with those two amateur street toughs they shoved you with. I had a talk with Money Bags and he sends his apologies.

Money Bags. Victor stood up straight and nodded. That was a code name, everyone knew, for the big man on top, who was currently serving a jail sentence for kiddie porn. No one fucked with Money Bags, not even while he was locked up. The man had more connections than anyone in the city, but that's what was provided to him when he worked within the political and law enforcement sectors of the city.

"Yes, sir," Victor nodded, now knowing Athos was _really_ not meant to be fucked with if he had connections to Money Bags.

"Now get on out of here. I'll call you later with more work. For now, go buy your mamí some lunch and take her shopping."

"Yes, sir," Victor nodded, feeling the handle of the case in his hand burning. He was itching to tear into this money because _fuck_ there was a shit ton of it in his possession now. He turned to leave, but another gander at the wall of monitors made him glance back at Athos, who was tapping on his cell phone. He caught the glint of the man's wedding ring on his finger as he called out to him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," Athos stepped out of the fenced in area and came to a stop just a few feet away, phone still cradled in his hand. Victor licked his lips, eyes still glued to the monitor showing the court house. There was more of a police presence hanging around outside and he wondered if something had gone down over there.

"What did this Barba guy do to you anyway?"

The charming smile that seemed to be plastered to Athos' face disappeared the moment the name slipped from Victor's lips. The silence that stretched between them was tense as Athos shook his head and slipped his phone back into his pocket. He took a step forward and slapped his down on Victor's shoulder.

"I have one rule and one rule only, Vic," Athos started, quietly but still audible over the buzz of electronics lined up against the wall, "Don't ever ask me about my business. The next time you do, I'll make sure three other _pinche pendejos_ actually kill my target. Got it?"

Athos patted him on the shoulder and dismissed him, leaving Victor to turn and leave the underground room, suit case full of cash banging against the wall of the stair well in his haste to leave.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 3:07 p.m._

"Lucia, really- "

"Shut it," Lucia said sternly, waving her finger in Liv's face. Noah stood with his hand in hers, pulling on it towards the bank of elevators while a personal guard stood behind them, waiting. Lucia had said the 'no-no' word (cookies) and since Noah was more than likely starving because of a skipped lunch, he was eager to go with Lucia. Normally, her son wasn't that open to strangers, but he'd taken to Lucia quickly, sensing the motherly nature about her.

"Let me do this. Rafi needs time and frankly, so do you. Besides, I know how to take care of hyperactive three-year-old, believe me. But, is it necessary for Mr. Clean back here to follow us around? We're only going to the hotel lobby. Besides, I can kick some ass if need be, trust me. Ask Rafi, he knows."

Liv cast a look back the bald, large man who had a hint of a smirk on his face, "Oh I have no doubt, but it makes me feel better…with everything going on, you know."

Lucia pursed her lips but nodded, not about to say anything more. She could understand the worry a mother faced when her child was in potential danger. The issue wouldn't be pressed further.

"Alright, well, we'll be gone for a while. I saw a playroom down there and one of this movie with the yellow things that wear the blue overalls? They're showing that at 2:30 so that'll give you some extra time."

"Thank you, Lucia," she finally leaned in for that hug and felt just slightest bit better about the entire situation. She quickly kissed Noah goodbye, seeing him grow restless and ready to go with the elderly woman already. She reminded the guard to give her a call if anything was needed before she turned back into the room and latched the door closed.

She was apprehensive about staying in a hotel room, just because they weren't all that safe either, but there were two cop cars down below and her gun was tucked away safely in the nightstand by the bed, so she wasn't completely out in the open. Those curtains were going to stay closed for the remainder of their stay, however long that was.

She shot a quick text to Lucy, apologizing yet again for the inconvenience. When she managed to find a moment to talk to the poor girl and explain, she'd been worried about the three of them rather than herself. Liv had urged her to take time off and go back home to Philadelphia to stay with family. It wasn't an easy conversation, but the young woman had already bought a plane ticket and that was one less person Liv had to worry about.

"Your mom has Noah down in the lobby. Guard is with them, don't worry," she cut him off, already knowing what he was going to ask when his lips parted. He nodded and hung his head again, fingers playing gripping the fabric of his slacks. He sat on the edge of the bed, silent and unmoving, leaving Liv to stare at him. Eventually, she sat down next him, their bodies touching.

She waited for him to say something for the longest time, but his green orbs still searched the carpet like it was going to solve the answers to their problems. He was beyond shaken, she knew that, even almost five hours after the fact. However, she was going to be damned if he thought she was going to let him be to wallow in the shit that muddied his mind.

"Raf- "

"I don't want to talk about it," he moved to turn away, but she wasn't letting him do that. No way in hell.

"Don't do that to me. Don't you dare. Look at me," she said forcefully, grabbing his chin and turning his head to look at her like he was some child. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears and his chin trembled in her hand, but she kept her stare strong and steady, unwilling to bend to the urge to just hold him.

"You have not come this far to close back up. Someone is out there and they're not done with you yet and we're going to do everything in our power to make sure this ends. But that means you need to stay strong. Nothing, and I mean not a damn thing, is going to get to you, you hear me?"

It took a few seconds, but he hesitantly nodded, sniffling and closing his eyes. A few tears fell, but when he opened his eyes again, there was a look of determination. It was the same look of determination in his eyes she saw the night she came home and he opened up to her about what happened to him. It was so distinctly Rafael Barba, it brought a bright smile to her face despite what was going on around them.

He sniffed and she let go of his chin, wrapping her hand around the back of his neck to press their lips together. She let the anxiety slip out of her body as she laid them back against the bed, their bodies pressed together and their hands wandering. The picture flashed through her mind, reminding her that they were under watchful eyes, but she pulled off her shirt anyway and enjoyed his hand dipping into her pants. He was desperate to feel close to her and she wouldn't deny him that.

After they were done, they faced each other, their faces barely visible in the darkened room with lights off and the curtains closed, and they just looked at each other. One of his hands played with a lock of her hair, his eyes closing longer and longer each passing minute. She waited in silence as he fell into a fitful slumber, his fingers eventually stopping the twirling of her hair.

She slipped stealthily out of bed and grabbed her cell phone and a towel, prepared to take a shower, but before she would, she scrolled through several contacts in her phone and pressed the name of a colleague holed up in records.

They were shorthanded as it was down there, but Liv was owed a favor or two and she knew they would move her to priority if she requested any police records or personal information on a certain person. So, she took advantage where she could and spoke quietly into the phone, the one name that had stuck with her since Rafael had whispered it to her in the comfort of her closed office.

"I need all you can give me on Alejandro Muñoz."

The call was quick and she was in and out of the shower, dressed in casual clothes and leaning against the headboard of the other queen bed, drifting through television channels when her phone buzzed again. When she pressed it to her ear, she expected Amanda to be checking up on her and asking her if she needed anything.

Instead, she sat up when Amanda's panicked screams blared straight into her ear. Panic struck her as she listened to the words tumbling from the detective.

" _Fin was in a drive by! He was shot three times! Carisi, go with him! No, I've got Lexi…"_

Liv raced towards her overnight bag and quickly pulled on socks and a pair of running shoes in record time, waking Rafael in the process.

"Amanda! Hey! Is he ok?! Is he going to the hospital?!"

" _He's being transported right now. Lexi was with him in the car and Fin ran the car off the road and into a building and there was a lot of blood- "_

"Amanda. Calm down. Take deep breaths."

She could hear the blonde woman's teary sighs as, Liv's own gathering in her eyes. She could hear Rafael sitting up in bed, questioning her with sleepy, worried eyes. She glanced back at him, "Fin was shot."

She didn't hear his explanation as she grabbed for her jacket and badge, listening to distant voices and sirens. It sounded chaotic.

"Where did they take him?"

" _Mount Sinai. I'm headed there now with Lexi."_

"Why is Lexi here? She's not supposed to be in the city. Just…"

Liv pressed the phone into her shoulder and looked at Rafael, who still sat in bed, covered with a sheet, but looked dismayed at the random turn of events.

"I have to go. I'll be back as soon as I can," she said, her voice thick with tears. He waved her out of the room, knowing she was seconds from breaking into worried sobs if she didn't get out of this room and to the hospital. This was one of her worst nightmares…

To go through it with Dodds, who they worked with for a short time, was difficult. But, to go through it with Fin, who she's known for years?

"Call me later."

Rafael nodded, "I will. Now go. We'll be fine here. I love you."

"I love you," she rushed out, already half way out of the room. One of the guards followed her at her instruction while the other stood to attention in front of the now closed door. She pressed the phone to hear, only to find that Amanda had hung up and that was fine. Her focus needed to be on the situation happening where she was.

But what situation was that? A drive by shooting? Was that it? With everything that had happened that morning, was it merely coincidence? She wasn't sure and there were so many questions that still hadn't been answered in the wake of new ones cropping up.

She tried to stop the stray thought that popped into her head the moment she slid into the back of police cruiser parked in front of the hotel, but it had been a private suspicion of hers for a while now and it was only growing stronger as they raced through crowded streets of the city.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Holy smokes, this chapter is extra long. Also, don't hate me for what's about to happen. LOL. I don't own SVU or the characters. ENJOY.

_March 20_ _th_ _– 3:32 p.m._

"Olivia!"

Liv turned and immediately ran towards a blood covered Carisi. His hair was mused and his hands were stained, but he looked relatively fine, albeit a bit shaken. She reached him and grabbed his arms, knowing he could see the tears tracks down her face and not caring at all. Her best wasn't enough when it came to holding her emotions in check and she blamed it on the shit that happened earlier.

"Where is he? Is he ok?"

"He's in surgery…he took three bullets, but he was talking to me on the way. He lost blood…a lot of it."

Liv nodded, and kept one of her hands on his arm, dragging him over to Amanda who sat in a leather seat with her head in her hands. Carisi leaned in, "She's not taking it well."

Oh, she knew the feeling. They all did because Mike's death was still fresh and no officer ever wanted to be stuck in a hospital waiting room, not knowing what was happening beyond those double doors. It was a feeling she never wanted to ever feel again, as long as she lived.

"Wait…why the hell is Lexi here? Why was she with him? Where is she now?"

Carisi gestured towards one of the ER rooms where the curtain was closed, "She came in to the city because she wanted to see Barba. Fin told her she couldn't and he was giving her a ride back to Grand Central when this car pulled up and shot at them. Fin swerved the car and hit the side of a building. No one else was hurt."

"What about the car?"

"Tracing it as best we can. The license plate was blank, though, so all we could do was put an APB out on the image we got from the traffic cam. Believe me, every cop in Manhattan is searching high and low right now."

"I know," she sighed and slid into the seat next to Amanda, patting the woman's back. The blonde sat back and looked at her with red-rimmed eyes and sniffled, trying to keep her composure. Liv felt herself getting teary eyed, unsure of which emotion to land on. Anger, fear, sadness…it was all bundled up and her mind kept jumping back and forth.

"Sorry, Liv," Amanda said softly, "I don't know why I'm crying."

"I'm this close to breaking with you," Liv replied, earning a half-hearted chuckle. Amanda nodded towards one of the closed off ER rooms, the curtain closed but a pair of white-shoe feet stood next to a gurney.

"Lexi…she's in there getting checked out. She's banged up. Bloody. But, I think she's ok."

"Lexi…," Liv trailed, eyebrows knitting together, "Why is she back in the city? Has anyone talked to her yet?"

"Haven't had the chance to. After she's done being checked out, we can go in."

Liv nodded and continued to rub Amanda's back while she maneuvered her phone out of her pocket. There were police milling everywhere, first responders to the crash scene as well as officers who knew Fin and had worked with him in the past. It was a scene that was way too fresh and Liv stepped out and away from the crowd, turning down an empty corridor.

She decided to text instead of call, just to check up on Rafael. She'd been worried about leaving him, despite the hefty security detail on him and Noah. He was reverting back to old habits he'd just grown out of due to his PTSD and she wasn't liking it. Plus, she couldn't help but feel like someone was watching her.

That was going to follow her for a while. Someone knew where she lived and someone had pictures of her and Rafael. Perhaps, what scared her the most, was the fact that whoever did it, wasn't going to let up. Whoever wanted to hurt Rafael was someone who had a past with him. What did a few street thugs want with him so bad that they were willing to lie in the shadows for over three months just to hurt him again?

The answer was likely nothing.

_Fin's in surgery, I'll text you when I know more. I love you._

Liv leaned back against the chair, slipping into her own thoughts easily while she stared off into space. Carisi took up a constant path of pacing, arms on his hips and his eyes moving wildly back and forth. Eventually, the motion did nothing but cause her more stress and she asked him, as politely as she could, if he could grab them some coffee.

Just as he turned down the hall to the elevators, an ER nurse approached, holding a file and gingerly tapping Amanda on the shoulder.

"You're hear for Miss Havisham?"

Liv shot up, and she wasted no time in introductions since her badge was hanging around her neck proudly, "I need to speak with her."

"Of course, she will have to be moved to a recovery room for her overnight stay. Also, we've been trying to get a hold of her grandmother but="

"We'll take care of it, thanks," Liv pushed past her, feet carrying her as fast as they could across the waiting room floor without running. She pulled back the same curtain Carisi pointed to earlier, revealing a very familiar, tear streaked and blood spattered face.

* * *

"Lexi."

She looked up and swallowed nervously when she saw Olivia Benson walk behind the curtain that had been shielding her from the rest of the ER. She probably looked like hell and there was still a fair amount of dried blood stained on her face, she would have to deal. She was just glad they weren't able to get a hold of her grandmother just yet, because she didn't even want to talk to her.

"I'm sorry," Lexi said, her voice sounding small. She gripped the blankets nervously. Liv noticed this and patted her hand, wanting her to know she wasn't in trouble.

"You're not in trouble, honey…," Liv trailed, sitting on the edge of the bed. Lexi visibly relaxed against the pillows but kept her eyes glued to the Lieutenant. Liv took in the extent of her injuries, happy to see that they were minimal.

"I'm glad you're ok. But, I have to know…why are you in the city? Why were you with Fin?"

Lexi looked away, staring at the pattern of the sheet with feigned interest. Flashes of what happened just a few hours before blinded her and the tears returned to her mind. She pressed the heels of her hands into them and rubbed, trying not to break out into sobs.

"I…I don't know where to start…"

"Just, start from the beginning."

Liv squeezed her shoulder and Lexi sighed, taking comfort in the gesture. For some reason, this woman made her feel more comfortable than she had felt in months, despite the situation that brought her to a hospital emergency room. She steeled herself and brought her hands down to the grip the sheets around her waist.

" _So, how's school going?"_

" _Well, I'm homeschooled now, which is nice because I can work ahead and get my stuff done early in the week."_

_The city passed by quietly outside of the car. Lexi tried not to show how disappointed she was, going back to her grandmother's and live off Fin's promise that he would try and set something up when this thing was over. Although, she highly doubted that wouldn't be for a long time. Or ever, if they had their way. Lexi hated to admit it, but if things had gotten bad again…they weren't ever going to get better. Not until someone was dead._

"… _thinking about college?"_

_Lexi caught the tail end of what he said and she nodded, thinking of all the college brochures sitting on the desk in her room, "Harvard. Stanford. Maybe somewhere out in California."_

" _Ah, Cali. That sounds nice. Wanna get away from the city?"_

_She shrugged, "Kind of. But I love it here…so I'm undecided."_

" _What do you want to study?"_

" _Um…law, actually…"_

" _Hey, that's not a bad field," Fin smiled, and Lexi, never having told anyone her future aspirations before, smiled back, feeling positive for the first time about her future. Funny, how this random cop who was driving her back to the train station for her own safety and well-being, made her feel like her future could mean something._

" _Hold up," Fin said softly, looking into the rear-view mirror. Lexi's smile faded a bit and she looked her side mirror, seeing a car moving swiftly through traffic, a plethora of protesting horns following it. Lexi looked back over at Fin for a second and when she looked back, the car was next to them and inching closer._

_This black car with black windows side swiped them, jostling the car so violently, Fin cursed, but kept his hard grip on the wheel while reaching for the radio. Lexi barely registered the words he was saying as she kept her eyes glued to the darkened window. She grabbed onto the door, white-knuckle grip so painful her knuckles cracked._

" _Hold on," Fin yelled, hitting the breaks and swerving into a turn lane. He raced through the yellow light, speaking swiftly and firmly into the radio for backup. Lexi swallowed and looked through the back window, seeing the car swerving through traffic._

" _Fin!"_

" _Shit," he cursed, seeing what she was, "I'm on 3_ _rd_ _, ten minutes from Grand Central. Send backup, immediately!"_

_Lexi couldn't help the terrified scream that erupted from her lips when the car slammed into them again, breaking her window and the side mirror. She watched in what felt like slow motion as the dark tinted window was rolled down, revealing a masked face and a gun pointed straight at her face._

_The only thing she could think of to do was duck out of the way as the quick popping of a few bullets sped through the car. She felt Fin jerk their car violently, spinning out through an intersection and the last thing she could remember seeing was the front of the cruiser headed straight towards a brick wall._

"It's my fault he got shot," Lexi said through tears. The immeasurable amount of guilt that coursed through her at just the memory of what happened was consuming. She didn't dare look up at Olivia, too afraid of what the woman might say or do, but she was surprised when she felt herself being pulled into a loose embrace.

"It's not your fault. None of this is your fault," Olivia said firmly in her ear and Lexi nodded, unsure of what else to do. She rested her head against the woman's shoulder and let her tears fall, taking comfort in the arms of a woman who had every reason to hate her.

They sat there like that for a good, long while, until Lexi pulled away and wiped her nose. Olivia smiled and reached for a tissue box next to the gurney. The curtain was pulled back softly, Amanda joining them behind the enclosure with her cell phone in her hand.

"I managed to get a hold of your grandmother," she said, "She's going to catch a flight in the morning."

Lexi nodded, sniffling her nose. That wasn't going to be a pretty conversation. The woman had welcomed her into her home with open arms, but Lexi felt as though she'd become a burden on her, especially now, with this.

"Officers," the ER nurse from earlier pulled back the curtain completely, revealing a few other nurses who moved around them and started to disconnect some of the machines from the wall, "I'm sorry to interrupt but we need to move her…"

"No problem. Lexi, we'll be up a little later, ok? You're safe now."

Lexi nodded and watched as they go until the curtain was shut again and she was handed a hospital gown. She sighed and sat up, already wanting to leave and run away and never come back.

"Lieu!"

Carisi, who was holding a tray of three coffee cups, waved them over to where they'd first been sitting, where a doctor was holding a chart and dressed in surgical wear. Liv and Amanda rushed over, judging it was the surgeon who was operating on Fin based on his haggard appearance. Most surgeons looked like that out of surgery.

"Sergeant Tutuola?"

"Is doing fine," he finished, hoping the alleviate some of the panic shining through on their face, "He's going to pull through. He's lost a good amount of blood and one of the bullets nearly nicked his jugular but, he'll make a full recovery."

There was a collective sigh of relief amongst the officers that had gathered in the waiting room, waiting for good worn on one of their own. Liv held back the onslaught of happy tears, but Amanda didn't, hands on her knees while she caught her breath.

"Thank you," Carisi looked up to the ceiling, "Is he recovering?"

"Headed there now. It'll probably be another 45 minutes before we'll allow visitors. Normally, it would be family only but, I know the drill by now."

"Thank you, doctor," Liv sighed, hand over her racing heart. She smiled at her detective's and thanked whoever was listening that one of her oldest friends was spared. She slid her phone back out of her pocket and quickly sent a text to Rafael, vision clouded with the tears she was so desperately trying to avoid.

She ushered her team back to the waiting chairs, taking the coffee from Carisi and sipping it slowly. Fin was fine, Rafael and Noah were safe and now, all she had to do was wait.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 5:00 p.m._

Rafael wiped away some of the stray pizza sauce on Noah's face as he was transfixed on the colorful cartoons dancing away on the television screen. Rafael's plate of pizza sat untouched on the nightstand, next to his phone that hadn't chimed since Liv sent that message a little over an hour ago. He had been so damn relieved to hear news on Fin, he momentarily forgot that this had happened because of him. He tried to not think like that, but it was almost impossible given the fact that it sounded about as planned as it could get. People didn't randomly pick a car to shoot up.

The thought was depressing and he stood in the shower for longer than he should have, trying to rid his mind of those thoughts. So much shit had gotten better over the months and now, it was all crashing down around him. Just by being there, he put Noah and Liv's and everyone else's lives in danger.

Whoever wanted him dead was going through great lengths. Rafael briefly wondered what would happen if he intentionally baited himself and let them take him. His curiosity, that came after the self-loathing shower session, had him thinking of all the possibilities. Someone with a grudge? Someone he threw in jail for a lifetime?

He was an ADA who put violent criminals away. He'd received death threats since he started in that line of work, but the difference was that these ones, that started up a little over a year ago, were being taken seriously by the sender. It made him wonder why and the question was enough to drive him mad.

He sat back on the bed and sighed, still not feeling the want or need to eat. His mind was racing too fast to even think about that. Eventually, after the show Noah was watching ended, the little boy climbed up the bed and cuddled into his side, resting his head on his chest. Rafael wrapped him and kissed his head, feeling sleep pulling at this mind.

He was so exhausted and for no reason at all, but he quickly drifted off to the sounds of Noah's little voice singing along to the theme song of another cartoon show starting up on the television and his tiny hand gripping one of his fingers.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 5:15 p.m._

Lucia was about to lay into whoever bumped into her but stopped when she saw Yelina Muñoz staring back at her, wide eyed with her two daughters in tow. The shopping cart was half full but the woman looked like she was the first lady with the way she was dressed. A pretty diamond sat on her finger, which caught Lucia's interest right away.

"Lucia! What a surprise," the younger woman smiled, faking it obviously. Lucia did the same, reaching out her hand to shake. Lucia smiled down at the two adorable girls, who waved politely but didn't say anything.

"How have you been, dear?"

"Oh, fine. Alex was just released, so that's been good to have him home."

"I bet it has," Lucia nodded, trying not to stare at the designer purse sitting in the front of the cart. Yelina cleared her throat, grabbing her attention.

"I heard about what happened to Rafael…I was so upset…is he ok? I tried to call him a couple of times but I never heard anything back."

Lucia thanked God for that. She knew her son had always had a soft spot for this woman, but she was glad he'd grown out of that after she broke his heart all those years ago. It pleased her that he hadn't bothered to return any of her messages since she didn't think much of the woman.

"He's been great. His girlfriend and her son have really helped him recover."

Yelina opened her mouth but didn't say anything. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, "I'm so happy to hear that."

"I bet," Lucia said quickly and grabbed onto her cart again, "It was nice seeing you, dear. Tell Alex I said hello."

Lucia didn't wait for her to say anything else, and took off down an aisle, intent on finishing her shopping. But, she couldn't resist and glanced back, seeing the woman with her cell phone raised to her ear.

Lucia didn't know why, but that feeling from earlier, when she stood and talked with Alex in her son's office, returned as she watched the woman shake her head and stomp her heel, all but yelling into the phone.

Something, deep down told her that there was something going on there. Her gut instincts were screaming that something was wrong, something was off. She pulled out her own cell phone, feeling the sudden urge to call her son and check up on him, but he didn't pick up. She called two more times before she gave up and finished her shopping, making plans to head back up town again as fast as she could.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 5:30 p.m._

Rafael woke with Noah shaking him, his little face shoved into his. The television was still playing those god-awful cartoons and his phone lay dormant next to his untouched food. Rafael grabbed for it and noted the time, with a few missed calls from his mother.

"Someone here," he said, pointing towards the door where there was a loud knocking. Rafael knit his brows together and sighed, groaning as he sat up. It took him a second to stand up and walk to the door, but he didn't bother checking the peep hole before he opened the door, which was his first mistake.

"Room service," the Hispanic man pushed the cart inside, nearly running over Rafael in the process. He stepped back and watched, confused and watched as he parked the cart near the television. The man smiled at Noah, who politely said hello to him.

"I didn't order room service," he said, angry that his feet were almost run over by the cart. Rafael looked out into the hall, not seeing the hulking security guards there like they should have been. He felt his stomach drop at that.

"You didn't. Someone else did," the man's shark like grin rounded on him as he produced a pistol out from underneath one of the silver domed lids on the white cart. Rafael froze, hand gripping the door knob so tightly he thought he might break it.

"Close the door," the man said firmly and Rafael let the heavy door shut on its own. He moved into the room and his first instinct was to reach for the boy, who sat on the bed staring at the gun. Noah knew what it was, because Liv had been huge on educating him about the dangers of one, but he'd never seen anyone but her hold one.

"Please- "

"Shut up. Listen to what I'm about to say."

Rafael nodded and walked around to the bed, happy when the man didn't shout at him for moving so quickly. He knew what to do in these situations, but having Noah here was completely different. His only thoughts were on how he was going to protect him and shielding him away from the gun was the only thing he could think to do.

"Raf," Noah protested, but Rafael kept him firmly behind him, hands holding maybe a little too tightly to his arms.

"You are going to leave with me. You're not going to run or panic or make it seem like you need help. We're going to walk out of this hotel like to old friends, got it?"

Rafael hesitated when he nodded and that was enough for this man to move his finger to the trigger. Rafael whispered, "I got it."

The sounds of the children's cartoon playing on the television was suddenly gone as the man reached for the power button and nodded towards Noah behind him, "They said I could bring the kid along with me, but I'm not that fucked up. Lock him in the bathroom. Give him your phone or whatever to keep him quiet."

Rafael didn't move, his feet not moving until the gun was pressed against his temple, "I said NOW! Move it!"

He was roughly pushed forward and he quickly snatched Noah up, who whined a little. Rafael turned on the bathroom light and set Noah down in the tub, even though it was still a little wet from his shower earlier.

"Raf," Noah said again, looking at him with wide eyes filled with fear. Rafael swallowed and pulled out his cell phone, typing in the passcode. He was grateful he downloaded a few game apps on his phone, having learned to keep them around for Noah. He searched for a game app and his finger hovered over the icon…that was directly next to the camera app.

Rafael swallowed and tapped on it.

"Noah, listen to me," knelt next to the tub, "I have to go."

"Why?"

Rafael placed his hand on Noah's head, "Listen. I have to go with this man, but mommy is going to be back any minute. I don't want you to leave this room at all, ok? Just play games and watch videos until you hear mommy call your name. Ok? Can you do that for me?"

Noah looked away from him and to the man, who now stood, with the gun still in his hand, in the doorway. The man cleared his throat, shaking the gun and Rafael knew his time was up. He turned the phone towards Noah and reached around, finger tapping rapidly. The sound was off but Rafael prayed to God he got a good shot.

"Remember what I said?"

Noah nodded, "Stay here till Mommy comes."

"Good," Rafael whispered and leaned forward, kissing his forehead, "I love you, Noah. Don't forget that."

"I love you, too, Raf!"

Rafael smiled and stood, glancing one more time at the little boy was transfixed on his cell phone. He was shoved out of the room so hard he fell into the wall opposite of the doorway. He groaned in pain as the door slammed shut.

"Get shoes on. And hurry before I change my mind and he comes with us."

Rafael didn't need any more prompting and shoved his loafers on, grabbing his coat from where it hung over the chair. He stayed silent, staring at the closed door of the bathroom and hearing the faint sounds of a familiar game being played on his phone as they passed by.

He was quiet all the way down the hall, through the elevators and out into the lobby. The moment he was shoved into the back of a car, he didn't care that tears flowed from his eyes freely as they locked with a familiar face.

"Nice to see you, again Rafael," Victor grinned, holding up a needle and a rubber band.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 6:00 p.m._

"I like this shit they got me on."

Fin looked up longingly at the I.V. with the pain meds in it, filtering it to him in small doses. He was loopy still, like everyone was out of surgery, but he was able to keep his eyes open. He'd been hilarious to listen to, but he wasn't able to provide a ton of detail on what had happened just yet.

Liv had gotten a hold of his family and they promised to wait until they arrived, which had been just five minutes ago. Fin, however, wanted to launch into a full-blown explanation as to why he was the better cop than all of them combined.

They all shared a good life, but excused themselves as more and more family began to filter into the room. They said their goodbyes and left, walking out into the parking lot together. Amanda and Carisi had rode together in a cruiser and promised to give her a lift back, letting the security team assigned to her to head home. There was no need for them when she was going back even more security at the hotel.

Speaking of, she pulled her phone out and quickly dialed Rafael's number, not having spoken to him in a good couple of hours now. She was eager to tell him the good news and make sure he was alright. She didn't expect to hear Noah's cheery voice come through the other line, but she smiled nonetheless.

"Hi baby," she said softly, "What are you doing, honey?"

"I play games on Raf's phone."

"Oh, I see. Can I speak to Raf, sweetie?"

"He not here mommy."

Liv stopped, confused. She took a deep breath, "What do you mean?"

"Raf not here mommy. He left with a man."

Liv could feel her stomach slowly drop, a wave of nausea overwhelming her. No….no….

"What man? Noah, where are you?"

"In the bathroom. Raf told me to wait for you. And the man yelled at him and he had a bad guy gun."

Liv clutched the phone tight to her ear, her heart picking up speed. She grabbed Amanda's shoulder in the front seat in a vice grip. The blonde turned and looked at her, concerned.

"Are you by yourself? There's no one there with you?"

"I alone, mommy."

Liv ripped the phone away from her ear, "Four Seasons, now. Right fucking now. Hurry!"

Carisi wasted no time in flipping on the lights and breezing through the slow traffic. Luckily, they were hitting the street at the time they were. Just a half hour earlier, and the would be stuck with after work traffic.

"Noah, stay where you are. Do not move at all. I'm almost there."

"Ok."

Liv stayed on the phone until she was running down the hall towards the hotel room, Carisi and Amanda hot on her heels. They questioned her but she gave them no explanation, too focused on trying to pry information out of her toddler, who was in a hotel bathroom by himself.

Liv fumbled with the key card, noting the obvious lack of security detail outside of the door, and finally tossed the door open, along with the bathroom door that sat just a foot away from the entrance. She slid to her knees and pulled Noah into her arms.

"Are you ok? Are you hurt?"

Noah, who didn't appreciate being yanked up like that, pulled away and shook his head, still holding Rafael's cell phone in his hand, a game that Noah liked to play on the screen. She nodded and plucked him up and out of the tub, panic setting once again, now that she knew Noah was safe.

"Rafael," she said to herself, pressing a hand to her forehead to try and prevent herself from losing her shit. She walked out of the bathroom and placed Noah on the bed where she had been earlier, wrapped around her boyfriend as he broke down. Carisi and Amanda looked around, making sure not to touch anything.

She noticed the white cart almost immediately, knowing for a fact it hadn't been there when she left. Without much care, she pulled up the white curtain on the cart, checking underneath before she threw off the silver domed lid, not even flinching when it banged against the wall.

Sitting in a neatly folded card with her name on it, she picked it up and flipped it open. The black writing was so familiar, it was like a punch in the face that made her stagger back towards the bed.

_**TOO SLOW, LIEUTENANT.** _

"Not again," she whispered to herself, her knees getting weak as she sat on the edge of the bed, "Not again. Please, not again."

The card fell from her fingers and onto the floor between her feet, staring back at her. The words seeped into her skin like a tattoo and she shook from the sheer strength to keep herself from screaming.

"Liv," Amanda called but she didn't hear them. She didn't hear anything but the blood rushing through her veins at supersonic speed.

* * *

_March 20_ _th_ _– 8:05 p.m._

"Got enough to eat over the weekend?"

Zeke nodded, picking at his fingernails as the officers assigned to check up on him looked through the cabinets and pantry of the kitchen. It was standard procedure, to make sure he wasn't hiding anything, but lucky for him, they seemed to trust him enough to know he wouldn't do that.

He had been worried, when he jacked that laptop and the cell phone from the neighbor's house (after a few handy tricks manipulating the boundary of his ankle bracelet), that they would find it in his crafty hiding spot tucked between the cushions of the couch, but they hadn't looked that deep.

These searches had been going on for months, and all they seemed to do now was check the cabinets in the kitchen and the bathroom and only gave his little mattress on the floor of the living room a once over before they dropped off his supplies and left.

"Good. We got some more toiletries and, as requested, your movies."

Zeke had only made the joke in passing after having run through the entire collection of movies the house came preloaded with. They were old, shitty movies he wasn't interested in, but they helped pass the time when he wasn't busy working out or reading books. He took the bag held out to him and peaked inside, seeing something from, at least, a decade ago and he smiled gratefully.

All he got in return was barely a smile, but he would take it. They still weren't the nicest guys, Officer Bolton and Officer Frey, but they were alright. Zeke put the bag on the counter and watched as they finished up their searching before they were getting ready to leave.

"Uh…do you guys know what's going on in the city at all? Like, with that lawyer guy?"

The decision to ask them the question was made earlier on, after running through every single video file Diego could transfer to the laptop. It took him nearly five hours of watching, rewinding and slowing down to come to the decision that he had valuable information that he needed to get back to the NYPD, somehow, without getting himself in trouble.

He had faces, he had names and, most importantly, he had the voice of Money Bags, the infamous leader of the street gang. He sounded arrogant, with no accent to define his race. It didn't sound like any Hispanic person he knew, but then again, not every member in this gang was Hispanic, like most thought.

All this information was too valuable not to turn in, he just needed to figure out how to do so.

"Last we heard, he got another threat. He's under security again. That's all we can say."

Zeke shifted on his feet, already knowing that tidbit. He saw the video footage of the meeting between Zeke and some guy who called himself Athos. Zeke thought that was bizarre and after a quick search for the name on the stolen phone, he got some businesses, some random social media pages and some shit about the Three Musketeers.

"Oh. That's…," he trailed, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah. We have to go. We'll be back Monday morning to- "

"Hey," Frey, who stood closest to the door, "Who's this?"

Bolton knit his brows together and came to a stop next to his partner. They both stood, looking out of the same, small decorative window next to the front door in the foyer. Zeke heard car doors slamming and that prompted him to race to the other side of the door, so he could look for himself.

He choked on the breath in his throat and stepped back, recognizing BX-9 members when he saw them. They were dressed in dark clothing, but their hats glowed in the dark as the moved closer. Zeke knew they were strapped, even if they couldn't see anything as the moved towards the house. He knew they were all about to be fucked.

"Shit," he whispered, backing up. The officers noticed his reaction immediately, and drew their guns.

"Open the door on my count- "

"No! Don't!"

He startled both agents, capturing their attention. He moved back towards the couch, stopping only when his body hit the back of the sofa. He reached down blindly through the folds of the couch, sliding the laptop and cell phone out without care. There were only seconds between that and the door being loitered with rounds upon rounds of bullets busting through the wood. Zeke dove out of the way, stopping Coco, who'd been asleep in her bed in the laundry room, in her tracks. She barked, tail between her legs and Zeke grabbed her up in his arms.

He could hear shouting as the loud popping of their machine guns died down and the wood splintered and cracked when it was kicked open. Zeke grabbed Coco up in his arms, and ran through the kitchen, to the door that lead to the empty garage. His feet were bare and they stung as they hit the cold concrete of the garage floor.

He didn't bother with the opener attached to the wall, knowing it would take too long for the door to drag up. Their pounding feet drawing closer was all he needed to sprint across the gas spotted floor and swing open the glass door, almost shattering it with hard he swung it open.

Zeke didn't stop running, almost slipping over the wet grass of the backyard. He easily crouched and ran across the length, bypassing the porch in favor of staying on the ground and completely out of sight. He ran the length, all the way to the other side, hanging low enough until he reached the other side of the house. Coco squirmed in his arms and he cursed as her nails dug into his arm. He set her down on the ground, along with his equipment and carefully peaked over the door of the fence and into the front yard.

He could see some of the neighbor's stepping out on to their front porches, phones in their hands. He wanted to scream at them and tell them to go back inside, but that was a fleeting thought as soon as he noticed the exhaust of the sports car blowing puffs of cloud out into the cold night air. Zeke's eyes lit up and he swallowed, arms already working before his brain could catch up.

The door to the fence was open, Coco and his equipment was in his arms and he all but sprinted across the yard and into the waiting car. He didn't bother glancing around, but he could hear gunshots and shouts, his name mixed in with them. He quickly threw the car in drive and spun the car around, driving straight through the opposite house's bushes.

The car coughed as he stepped on the gas pedal, but all he could hear through his heart racing and Coco's barking were the loud gun shots following him down the street until he disappeared from sight.

His bracelet was dinging, those officers were probably dead, but he could already hear police sirens in the distance. He needed to move fast and find the quickest way back into the city, because even though that's where he would more than likely be spotted, it was the safest place for him to be.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If anyone is still reading this fic, thank you. Knowing I have people who are enjoying my fics, especially this behemoth, means a lot to me. Things are going to start coming together and this fic will be coming to a close coming up soon here. I don't own SVU or its characters. Enjoy.

_**March 20** _ _**th** _ _**– 11:45 p.m.** _

"Security Officer Damien Bradshaw…throat cut from ear-to-ear. Body was thrown down a laundry chute in the maid's closet. Security Officer Jaime Hoose…strangled with his utility belt. He was also thrown down the laundry chute."

"Jesus," Carisi mumbled, rubbing his eyes. Amanda stood silently next to him, arms crossed and eyes downcast. The hotel room was a flurry of activity, Liv still sitting silently on the bed as Dodds spoke to her. The FEDs had arrived, much to their dismay, but this case was now transcending anything they could handle.

Barba was gone, again. Whoever was back, was working quickly and doing his damndest to kill this man for whatever reasons they had. A grudge…personal feelings…past crimes? Barba wasn't a criminal and, even though he had some questionable decision making in the past, he wouldn't ever put his career or anyone else's in jeopardy. He was a hot head, to say the least, but only when it was necessary.

A grudge was more along the lines they were thinking. He was an ADA. He put away people who did very, very bad, horrible things and some of those people, weren't too happy about that. He'd received death threats since he started in that line of work, as he had mentioned many times before, but this was different. This wasn't some stupid little, 'I'm gonna kill you' comment made in passing.

"The security footage we pulled was helpful, but we've been following these guys for years and the fact that we have a license plate and a face doesn't help us any. These guys are masters of disguise."

Amanda shuffled, "How? How is that possible? It's just some street gang."

The man in front of her, dressed in a nice, plain black suit, eyed her over the tablet in his hands, "No. Like I said, we've been following these guys for years. You're deluded."

Carisi glared at him, feeling Amanda stiffen next to him. She clenched her jaw and he knew she was trying to maintain her control over her anger.

"What are you saying? These guys got their hooks in the government?" Carisi crossed his arms, mirroring Amanda. The man, Reynolds, looked them over and sighed, hitting the power button on his tablet and tucked it under his arm, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'm saying that this isn't some street gang. This is a sophisticated network of criminals in high places disguised as some poor, inner city kids who like to hurt innocent people. It's scary, some of the things I've seen them have their hand in. They've been on our radar since the 90's." Reynolds nodded at their shocked expressions and turned on his heel, heading down the hall where a group of his fellow agents stood in a group, leaving her and Carisi to deal with that bombshell.

"Shit…," Amanda cursed.

"Why are they just standing around? They need to be out there on the streets, canvasing, searching…doing something."

"Carisi," Amanda sighed, feeling a headache forming, "It's out of our hands. We can't do anything but wait now. Unless, that is, they allow us to help."

Carisi shook his head, arms crossed over his chest. He looked back into the hotel room, seeing a few officers thoroughly checking every corner while Lucia paced back and forth in front of the large sliding door leading to the balcony, Noah in her arms, talking to her and holding, what they assumed, was Rafael's phone.

Earlier attempts to get the phone away from him were futile, because each time he would start to cry and no one wanted Liv to have to deal with that now. She was already out of her mind with worry and could only sit on the double bed, head in her hands as she tried to calm herself down.

"I know. Doesn't mean I like it."

"You think I do? Ugh, I don't want to argue. Let's go see what Liv wants us to do."

They trekked back into the room, bypassing an officer who was intently dusting the door handle to the bathroom with powder and a brush. CSU had been down here for hours, scouring every inch of the hotel for any other clues, but nothing had cropped up so far. Hopefully, they would soon.

"Liv," Amanda started, lightly tapping the woman's shoulder, "Hey, what do you need us to do? We've been booted from the street work, but we can always get back to our desks…traffic cams, phone records…?"

Liv sat up, eyes red with emotion but she'd stopped crying hours before. She blinked a few times, adjusting to the harsh light of the lamp lighting up the room. Her eyes found Lucia and Noah, who were now standing out on the balcony, Lucia gently swaying the little boy back and forth.

She reminded herself she was going to have to get Rafael's phone away from Noah to be checked and tagged as evidence. The officers had tried before, and she knew Amanda and Carisi had shut that down to prevent her from having to step in and parent. Luckily, Lucia was there and managed to keep Noah calm for an extended period of time, so she could sit there and be useless.

She appreciated it, but she was tired of sitting still, "Yeah. Yeah, let's do that. Start pulling files for them…they're going to need all the information we have, which is little. They probably have more, but they're going to want all of Raf's personal info as well."

She stood up and rubbed her hand across her face, smiling as Noah waved at her, completely oblivious to the situation going on around him, although he knew something was off by the way he'd been acting apprehensive. He'd asked, more than once, where Rafael had gone and when someone gave him some flimsy excuse, he would knit his brows together and turn away without a word, content to go back to whatever game he was playing.

"I'll meet you back there. I'm going to escort Lucia and Noah to a different hotel and then we can dig into our files."

"You sure you're up to it? We can handle it, if you want to stay with them." Liv wanted to snap at Amanda, her harsh words on the tip of her tongue, but she knew they were trying to comfort her storm of emotions brewing inside her, so she took a deep breath and let it pass.

"I'm sure. Give me an hour."

She excused herself after that, leaving Carisi and Amanda to watch her pluck Noah out of Lucia's arms before they decided to leave. On the way out of the hotel, they saw the body bags of the two dead fellow officers being loaded into the back of the coroner's vehicles, while a few officers stood off to the side, hats off and heads bowed.

They didn't speak the entire way back to the precinct.

* * *

_**March 21** _ _**st** _ _**– 12:29 a.m.** _

Zeke breathed harshly as he clung to the side of the house, feet perched on the sloped roof of the old house while he hung onto the windowsill, peeking into the familiar room he'd been in so many times before.

He could see Diego, hunched over his desk, asleep with a disgustingly thick strand of saliva dripping onto his desk. He felt instantly bad, knowing he was about to throw his friends world upside down, but he had no choice. Diego was going to have to either join him, or kill him and he knew he could be easily persuaded into doing one of those things.

He tapped on the window loudly, the noise echoing into the empty street. He hoped no cars traveled down this way until he was inside, but the good thing about this part of their neighborhood, was all the abandoned houses and crack heads who wouldn't say anything about it. They didn't want cops down this way, lest they get busted.

Diego remained asleep, so he tested with all the strength he had to see if the window would budge and it did, little by little. The cracking noise of the old wood scratching against the metal frame roused his friend from his sleep and before he knew it, Diego was standing in front of him, a knife in his hand and ready to attack.

It took a few seconds for him to rub his eyes awake and take in Zeke's face, but when he did, the angry sneer melted away into disbelief.

"You gotta be fuckin' kidding me."

Diego immediately helped to open the window and Zeke crawled in, sighing with relief being in a place so familiar. He was wet from the sprinkling rain that started as soon as he ditched the damn car outside of the city, dumped Coco off at a dog rescue, jacked some shoes and clothes from a second-hand store and walked all the way here.

Here, being Diego's mother's house, where he lived on the _third floor_.

"Just shut the fuck up and let me rest."

"How the fuck did you get here?! I thought you were in Connecticut or some shit!" His words were whispered as he helped Zeke off the floor and grabbed the laptop that had been hidden under his hoodie the entire time.

"I was. Until a couple of skulls blew the up the house I was staying in. I grabbed my shit, jacked their car and came here."

"Don't tell me their car is parked outside this house…"

"You think I'm dumb? Get me a towel," Zeke cursed, shucking off his hoodie and letting drop to the floor with a wet thump. He took the old t-shirt Diego handed him and dried his hair before he dried his upper body.

"I need you to transfer all those files you hacked into a USB I can give to the NYPD."

Diego scoffed, "You're fucked in the head. The NYPD? I'm bangin' BX, I can't be helping the cops!"

"Say it louder," Zeke said, shaking his head as Diego realized his mistake. He rolled his eyes and walked past his friend, who was having a mental breakdown, and over to his closet to retrieve a new shirt and hoodie. They were roughly the same size, so he wouldn't be stuck in clothes too large or too small. Not that it would matter in that moment. He was cold, wet and all he needed was some dry clothes and food.

"You won't be helping the cops," he cut him off, grabbing random clothing off the hangers, "You'll be helping me. You owe me, anyway."

Diego growled angrily and sat down in his computer chair, the wheels sliding over his carpeted floor, "Not this shit again."

"Diego, this is bigger than BX, ok? And I'm not just saying that because I could be blasted at any moment. This entire gang goes beyond the streets and if you were smart, you'd get out, too."

"Easier said than done." Zeke understood that and he silently changed into the dry clothes while Diego hid his hands in his face. He felt bad for adding more stress onto his friend's shoulders, but he had been the only one to actually reach out to him after he'd been shipped out of state under police protection. Add to that, he'd been friends with the guy since they were in diapers. If there was anyone he could save from this way of life, it would be him.

"I know, man. But, I have to tell you…the moment you're, you realize just how shitty gang life is. You don't realize that you're one of the smartest people I know. You can go to college and do that computer shit and live like a fucking king…you can buy your mom and sisters a new house. Get them out of the projects…," he reached over and nudged Diego's leg with his foot, "But that shit won't happen while you're bangin' BX."

Diego sat silent for a moment, staring at him, before he rolled his eyes and sighed. He turned around to his impressive computer set up and rolled up his sleeves. "Give me that laptop and ten minutes. Your ass better be down in my car, hiding in the backseat."

Zeke managed to suppress his excited smile and handed over the phone and laptop, grabbing a handful of chips out of the bag on the desk before he shuffled back to the cracked window. He opened it as far as it could go again and slide out, not bothering to say another word, too ready to get back to the safety and warmth of the police precinct.

He just hoped what he had could help and that they were receptive to him being there.

* * *

_**Time Unknown** _

When he woke up this time, he was in a room with tape over his mouth.

His head was heavy and his mouth was dry and his arms and feet were cuffed to every corner of the bed he was lying on. His first thought was to struggle against the bounds, his flight instinct taking full effect and he stopped after he realized he was making far too much noise.

The room was dimly lit with a subtle glow, sparsely decorated with only a chair in the corner and an old dresser with a mirror that hung above it. The metal of his cuffs clinked against the rusted metal bedframe, and he could see, from where his blurry vision allowed, the mattress was old and dirty, with large yellow and brown stains seeped into the fabric.

In fact, there were a plethora of stains and holes that littered the old walls, along with the peeling paper that once resembled a light pink floral pattern, but looked yellow from the years. So did the furniture. It smelled like it had been abandoned for years in there, too.

The door directly across from him swung open, light seeping into the dimmed room and he blinked his eyes as he turned his head. A dark figure hung in the doorway, the silhouette oddly familiar to him. His senses tingled to him from a distant, far off place still hazy from the drugs that he'd been forced to take however long it was ago.

He watched with narrowed, bleary eyes as the figure just stood there, face and body obscured in the shadows. It lasted for a terrifying few minutes that stretched for seemingly hours before the door shut again, leaving him alone.

Rafael moaned and groaned against the tape, trying to get the figure to come back, but he coughed violently, his saliva wetting the tape enough around his lips that it puffed up when he breathed. He looked back at the closed door again, taking in the cracked white paint and the rotting wood of the door frame. He prayed, over and over again in his head that the person, whoever it was, would come back.

He needed to get out of here. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest as he began to panic. His limbs were restricted and the fuzzy feeling in his head wouldn't go away. All he could think about was leaving Noah in that bathroom, by himself and Liv, who should have found him by now.

He had to get out.

He looked around for an exit, but his gaze stopped short on the wall next to him, giving it his full attention when he noticed a good portion of it covered with glossy pictures. Glossy pictures with familiar scenes and people in them.

He breathed harshly, swallowing the lump in his dry throat with difficulty.

All the pictures that had been collected over the past few months, featuring mostly candid photos of himself in all states of dress, during the day in Liv's apartment or his office or at the coffee cart on his way to visit Liv in her office. She and Noah were also displayed in a number of pictures, along with the rest of SVU, also captured in candid, everyday moments of their lives.

Amanda playing with Frannie in the park, Carisi with Jesse on his hip in the background. Fin, feet kicked up on the coffee table in his living room, a pair of long legs belonging to a mystery woman sitting beside him. Many group shots littered in between, most of them taken in up close shots of the squad room. But amongst these photos, the one detail only a few of them had in common, were the photos of him and Liv together, hugging or kissing or touching or involved in intimate moments.

He rested his head, a stray tear filled with confusion and fear dripped down the curve of his cheek and onto the pillow under his head.

On every single glossy picture of him and Liv together, her face was scratched out violently, wiped from the photo immediately. Tears spilled down his cheeks until he drifted off to sleep once more.

* * *

_**March 21** _ _**st** _ _**– 1:10 a.m.** _

"Pass me the ketchup."

Zeke rolled his eyes and threw a packet of ketchup up to the front seat, where Diego sat parked down the street, shoving his face full of French fries. He insisted they stopped somewhere to eat and Zeke wasn't surprised, knowing the guy thought about food more than his precious video games and weed.

"That's the last one," he grumbled, taking a bite of his burger. It had taken a little over ten minutes for Zeke to finish uploading all the camera footage and conversations onto a flash drive and then it took another five minutes to wipe the laptop and phone clean, effectively erasing the IP address from existence.

He was happy when they finally left and Zeke was able to breathe easier, knowing he was on his way to safety, but when Diego had offered a hot, shitty, fast food meal, he couldn't help but say no. He was starving and the food was really helping calm his nerves. He was afraid of the possibility that when he went in there, and explained his story, they wouldn't believe him. The charges he already had piled on him would grow and that meant more time behind bars or wherever they going to send him.

"So, like, you're risking your own life to help this guy…why?" Diego eyed him in the rear-view mirror, where he was hunched down in the seat and his knees were pressed against the back of the front passenger seat. Zeke chewed his food thoughtfully, unsure how to answer that question.

He really wasn't sure why, if he was being honest. What made him turn his back on this way of life that day, when he stole their car and drove the ADA to safety? Certainly, it wasn't for personal gain, because look where it ended him up. Arrested, charged, in police custody in a state he'd never been to before and, most recently, in the back of his friend's car and ready to surrender himself and the info he had to police yet again.

He was more than willing to admit he hadn't wanted to help the man, because he made a commitment to these people who could kill him in an instant, but his own moral compass had won out in the end, and he couldn't say that if he could go back in time and change his actions and decisions, that he would.

He was glad he'd done what he did. But he wanted it to be over with now so everyone could move on with their lives. He would serve his time for his crimes, so long as he didn't ever have to hear about BX-9 ever again.

"Don't question it. Just focus on what I said back at your house. Don't get caught up in this shit like I did."

Diego was silent after that, finishing off his food just as Zeke did. They looked at each other silently for a moment, knowing that this was likely the last time they were going to see each other for a while and it was bittersweet. Years of friendship and they'd ended up in such different places…it was crazy to think that this guy who he once saved from drowning in the shallow end of their old high school's gymnasium was now, practically, saving his life.

"Did you mean what you said? That I was smart?" Diego bit his lip, eyes focused on the brick wall of the side of the building he was parked in front of. Just a few feet away from them was the door to the 1-6. He looked so vulnerable in that moment and the joke Zeke had immediately thought of to say was exchanged for much kinder words.

"One of the smartest people I've come across."

It took a second, but Diego smirked at him from the rear-view and Zeke slid out of the backseat just a second later. He didn't turn to watch the car head in the opposite direction, but as soon as he heard the loud muffler disappear down the empty street, he worked up the nerve to walk into the building.

It looked the same as it had three months ago, but the front desk was empty as was the lobby. The only reason he knew there was anyone even in the place were two officers stepping off the elevator, coffee cups in their hands. They didn't pay him any mind as he slipped past them and into the shaft, pressing the floor number with ease.

Zeke wasn't exactly sure what he was even going to do when he stepped out onto the floor and walked down the narrow hallway, but he was going off pure memory from being lead through there last time. He easily bypassed the front desk, that wasn't occupied, and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking around apprehensively. There were officers walking around, carrying coffee and looking dead on their feet, just like he would expect people working an overnight shift would look.

No one bothered to stop and talk to him, so he just continued, biting his lip as he scoured the room.

He spotted the tall blonde detective almost immediately, shuffling through folders in front of his desk while talking to the other blonde chick he'd met before. She didn't seem to like him very much the last time, but he hoped she would give him a chance to talk. Just as he was about to open his mouth, a tall officer decked out in a uniform looked down at him with a suspicious eye and a gruff voice. Zeke cleared his throat and stepped around him.

"You need some help?"

Zeke shook his head at the officer and kept moving towards them. He could feel suspicious eyes turn to look at him, probably trying to scope out whether they needed to help him or pat him down. He stopped a few feet from their desks and cleared his throat, licking his lips when Amanda tore her eyes from Carisi.

She stood, brows furrowed and mouth parted, making Carisi turn to see what had her looking so shocked. He looked taken aback as well, his hands stilled from the shuffling. Zeke licked his lips again and waved hesitantly.

"Hi."

Liv certainly didn't expect to see what she saw when she walked into her office.

It took her longer than she thought it was going to get Lucia and Noah settled, with a hefty police presence outside of the hotel and in, and once she had, she succumbed to a small nap next to her little man in bed while Lucia busied herself with some of her own work. The older woman was out of her mind with worry, but her praying and comforting words were keeping her sane.

She only wished it kept her as sane, because when she walked into her office and saw none other than Zeke, sitting on the couch with baggy clothes and a cup of coffee in his hand, she felt like she had gone insane.

Amanda quickly shut the door behind her and patted her back, "I know this is a shock- "

"I thought he was supposed to be in protective custody in Connecticut." Carisi shoved his hands in his pockets uncomfortably, "Yeah, he was. But he was attacked."

Liv set her own coffee down, "By who?" Liv looked at him down her nose, scrutinizing him with a wary eye. She knew what this kid had done for Rafael and how much he helped the investigation, but having never really met or talked with him, she wasn't going to trust him just yet.

"BX-9 members, ma'am. They killed Officer Bolton and Officer Frey. I saw it." Liv looked to her two other detectives for confirmation and they nodded, confirming it.

"Verified it. Already informed their families."

Four officer's dead within hours…Dodds was going to be a raging mess as soon as he found out what was happening. No doubt, he already had.

"And how did you escape. Seems a little odd you made it out alive but two trained, highly skilled officers didn't."

Zeke shrunk back a little and kept his gaze trained on his coffee, trying not to show them how afraid he was. "I barely made it out of the house. I stole their car and ditched it when I got into the city. I know that you probably don't believe me and you're going to arrest me again, but I have to show you something important."

Liv crossed her arms, "Well, whatever it is you think is important, we don't have time for. Throw him in a holding cell and deal with him in the morning. We have work to do."

"Wait! Please!" Zeke stood up, clenching his cup in his hand and digging around in his pocket for something. Carisi stepped forward, ready to grab his arm when he produced a flash drive from his pants pocket and waved it with a trembling hand.

"I have hours of security footage on this. Faces, names, voices, anything you could think of pertaining to BX and its higher ups. I even have Money Bags voice on this thing."

"Money bags?"

"Yeah. He's the brain behind BX-9. He's in prison, doing time for kiddie porn or something like that. He talks about your friend with another guy who calls himself Athos. They talk in like some code, though, I don't really understand but whatever they have against your friend…they plan on doing something about it."

Liv furrowed her brow, the names striking her as odd and made up, but then again, this kid didn't seem like he was lying. He was shaking, face full of fear and determination to make them believe he was telling the truth.

"Please. You have to believe me. This could bring down BX-9 in its entirety."

Liv sighed, knowing their time was thin and Rafael was out there, but something inside her told her to give this kid a chance. So, she merely nodded and opened her laptop that was sitting on her desk and took the flash drive from him.

* * *

_**March 21** _ _**st** _ _**– 2:15 a.m.** _

Zeke sat uncomfortably in front of Liv, who sat watching the footage. She'd been staring at the screen in utter silence since it had been handed to her, and he wasn't sure what to make of that. The audio was loud as it filtered out from the laptop sitting on her desk and Amanda and Carisi had taken to standing behind her, watching the footage along with her.

He'd pointed out some key spots in the footage, since it was too long to be viewed all the way through with the time they were given. He had them time stamped personally on the video, using the laptop's impressive video maker to his advantage. He listened silently as the familiar audio filtered into the room, noting that the detectives were looking at the screen intently, almost like they were trying to place the voice to someone they knew.

"Sounds familiar. Too familiar," Liv said as she paused the footage and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. Amanda hummed in agreement, "Voice recognition?"

"No," Carisi interjected, "It sounds like there's something layering the audio. Probably to cover their asses if this fell into NYPD hands. They wouldn't be able to decipher it quick enough."

"It's still worth a shot," Liv nodded to Amanda and the woman ran out to her desk, muttering something about getting an analyst on their floor, even though it was damn near impossible at past two in the morning.

"Jesus, they have people in Riker's working for them…God knows how many people in the NYPD, too. Hell, they probably have some in the D.A.'s office and 1PP…," Carisi trailed, loosening his tie. He looked exhausted, from Zeke's point of view, but then they all looked tired. He wondered if now was an appropriate time to ask the question that had been on his mind since he arrived at the station and the memories from last time flooded back to his mind. He decided to ask anyway, as the two sat there silently, waiting for Amanda to come back.

"So…where is he?"

"Who?" Carisi nodded at him. Zeke hesitated, but the name easily slipped out of his mouth, "Mr. Barba?"

Zeke couldn't help but notice the far away, distant look that fell over the Lieutenant's eyes and that unsettled him greatly. There were no further words from him, nor the other two. Not until Amanda walked back in, tying her hair up in a bun on top of her head, breaking the tense silence in the room.

"Next available tech will be here at four. I can call Agent McAllister, see if we can get one of his guys on it- "

"No. I don't want them to know we're working something behind their backs. The files were sent over, that's all they need from us right now."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Liv was about to answer Carisi, although she was unsure of the answer herself when her phone began to ring and vibrate in her pocket.

She nearly dropped her phone when she saw a familiar name flashing across her screen. It was a phone call she'd been waiting on ever since she left the hotel the evening before after learning Fin had been gunned down. She stood, crossing her arm under her chest as she answered.

"Potter! Finally. Do you have anything?"

The man on the other line sneezed a few times and said yes, his voice sounding croaky. He probably had been working on it nonstop since she called in her favor.

"Tell me."

"Well," he wheezed, "Your suspicions on Alex Muñoz's activity was right."

"Good," she said, placing her glasses on the laptop keyboard in front of the paused footage, "Tell me it's suspicious enough we can investigate him."

"You can probably do more than investigate him. Especially with what I found. I swear you're gonna crap yourself when I tell you." Liv felt her nerves starting to get the best of her but she stopped herself from all but yelling at the poor man who had been working on this for hours. She urged him to continue.

"There were three different phones bought, along with a limited number of minutes, under Mrs. Muñoz's name since he was released on the 14th. We managed to get those records from the store they were bought, along with surveillance footage to verify he was the buyer. Anyway, we got in contact with the company, who released the numbers."

"All three of the phone numbers made a total of eight calls to Riker's, to the same inmate, during off hours, which is totally weird, by the way. Anyway, they tried blocking us from getting the information about the inmate, but my brother works there and he snuck in after-hours to retrieve it for me. Don't tell anybody that. I don't want him to lose his job- "

"Ok, I get it!" She felt bad for snapping, but no apology was issued, "Get to the point."

"The inmate number was traced back to…you're not going to believe this…"

Liv steeled herself, "Who?"

"Hank Abraham."


End file.
